When friends stop speaking to you

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#1 Posted by Chris_53 (5110 posts) -

May be a bif of a daft topic, but when friends that you were quite close to no longer make the effort with you, i.e they wont spend time or even speak to you anymore, is it worth trying to make more of an effort with them? or just think "screw it" and focus on other people ?

I have/had a group of female friends (im a guy btw) that ive been friends with for a few years now, but the last few months, they dont seem to have much to do with me. Its at the point where they will only contact me, if I contact them first, i.e on facebook. I still care about them as friends, but as hard as it may be, im also considering distancing myself from them and just focusing on others that still contact me now and then.

Any input will be great. Im not gonna lie, its getting me down a tad.

#2 Posted by lx_theo (6211 posts) -

Its up to you to determine if they're worth the effort. They're your friends, how much they add to your happiness is your perspective, not any of ours.

#3 Posted by Ninja-Hippo (23426 posts) -
You get out what you put in. If you make an effort with a friend you should get good times in return for that effort. If the effort to friendship ratio is out of wack, maybe it's not worth your time.
#4 Posted by slipknot0129 (5489 posts) -

I make all the effort to talk and hang out with my friends. If your friends make no effort I say focus on the friends you know now, then when new friends come up divert your effort to your new friends.

#5 Posted by MrPraline (21321 posts) -
Just stop talking to them. They won't be the last to stab you in the heart.
#6 Posted by Nude_Dude (5371 posts) -
I say don't distance yourself yet, make an effort to spend some good time together. A big effort, that is, show them that you care. If you get nothing in return, move on and get some friends that actually view you as a friend.
#7 Posted by RandomWinner (3751 posts) -

I'd say it depends. If they enjoy your company then I wouldn't (its obvious if they do enjoy your company by the way, if you have any doubts they probably don't care much) but if they seem dismissive it isn't worth the effort. I've never been a person to take the initiative in a relationship, so if they're those kinds of people then it could just be that. If they just up and stopped, then I would distance myself.

#8 Posted by Tazzman1000 (1108 posts) -
From my experiences i would advise keeping in touch with them, but not straining yourself about it. By that i mean make an effort to keep in touch with them, text them or talk to them on facebook every once in a while (this way you can figure out whether they aren't interested in hanging out with you or they are just bad at keeping in touch cause some people are just that), but don't make a huge effort and concentrate on the people who you know will make an effort. Hope this helps :D
#9 Posted by ristactionjakso (5713 posts) -

Only make time for those who make time for you.

#10 Posted by Chris_53 (5110 posts) -
Cheers for the advice, its helpful and makes a lot of sense
#11 Posted by markop2003 (29917 posts) -
Ditch them if you don't enjoy their company don't if you do, simple as that.
#12 Posted by Pirate700 (46465 posts) -

Only you can answer that question. Personally though, I've found the answer typically to be that it's not worth the effort.

#13 Posted by BranKetra (48265 posts) -

If they don't like you for who you are, they aren't worth the trouble.On the other hand, if it's something like a small disagreement, having some time away from other each can help. It's easier to look at the problem after the emotions aren't in control anymore.

#14 Posted by super600 (30406 posts) -

i'm still pretty good friends with literally all my friends from elementary school to high school, but my friendship with a lot of my friends is strained a bit since I don't go to the same university as a lot of my friends.I wish it was easy finding time to hang out with them or talk to them besides texting them or talking to them on facebook,but I hate to stress them out or force them to talk to me.

#15 Posted by super600 (30406 posts) -

From my experiences i would advise keeping in touch with them, but not straining yourself about it. By that i mean make an effort to keep in touch with them, text them or talk to them on facebook every once in a while (this way you can figure out whether they aren't interested in hanging out with you or they are just bad at keeping in touch cause some people are just that), but don't make a huge effort and concentrate on the people who you know will make an effort. Hope this helps :DTazzman1000

I'm terrible at doing that.I think sometimes I stress or annoy a couple of my friends out sometimes because I wish it was easier finding time to talk to them.I'm lucky I'm still friends with those people.

#16 Posted by almasdeathchild (9517 posts) -

i guess it's worth a shot alot of friends a close through school and such and once college or what ever everyone wants to do afterwards you all go your seperate ways to some degree. it sad cause i miss a few of mine but their memeories are worth something. but if you can actually contact them and stay in touch all the better

#17 Posted by VaguelyTagged (10132 posts) -

i had this female friend who just recently found a BF,i called her a few days later after the incident, she picked up the phone and asked who i were? after a while i realized she'd deleted my number from her phonebook because of her BF and i was totally blown away cause she wasn't the type of girl who would do such a thing or at least i couldn't possibly imagine her doing that.that might be your case too.

#18 Posted by super600 (30406 posts) -

i guess it's worth a shot alot of friends a close through school and such and once college or what ever everyone wants to do afterwards you all go your seperate ways to some degree. it sad cause i miss a few of mine but their memeories are worth something. but if you can actually contact them and stay in touch all the better

almasdeathchild

That's what I'm currently trying to do.That's why i created a FB account in the first place.

#19 Posted by PiscesChick93 (10687 posts) -

I no longer speak to my best friend from high school anymore. But to be fair, none of us made the effort to stay in contact (though we were contacts on Facebook).

I guess it just happens. I managed to make new friends, so sometimes it is just better to move on and find friends who will stay in your life, and who are worth it. Still, it depends - what would you want? =]

#20 Posted by Suzy_Q_Kazoo (9901 posts) -

If they can't make time for you, then they're not worth your time.

#21 Posted by lo_Pine (5048 posts) -
I don't talk to any of my friends from high school...they still try to contact me but I am an **** hole* and don't talk to any of my old friends. So, I'd say screw them.
#22 Posted by Cyanide4Suicid3 (783 posts) -
I had an old friend like that. I loved him like a brother and as soon as he got a girlfriend, he rarely hung out anymore and soon after, quit talking to me all around. I tried to keep talking to him but then I just said **** it and quit trying.
#23 Posted by roleplayer2004 (921 posts) -

If someone doesn't make the effort to contact you it usually means they don't care and have moved on. Friends come and go like seasons.

#24 Posted by tenaka2 (17029 posts) -

May be a bif of a daft topic, but when friends that you were quite close to no longer make the effort with you, i.e they wont spend time or even speak to you anymore, is it worth trying to make more of an effort with them? or just think "screw it" and focus on other people ?

I have/had a group of female friends (im a guy btw) that ive been friends with for a few years now, but the last few months, they dont seem to have much to do with me. Its at the point where they will only contact me, if I contact them first, i.e on facebook. I still care about them as friends, but as hard as it may be, im also considering distancing myself from them and just focusing on others that still contact me now and then.

Any input will be great. Im not gonna lie, its getting me down a tad.

Chris_53

#25 Posted by junglist101 (5457 posts) -

They prolly don't like you anymore because they found out that you make lame topics.

#26 Posted by Tazzman1000 (1108 posts) -

[QUOTE="Tazzman1000"]From my experiences i would advise keeping in touch with them, but not straining yourself about it. By that i mean make an effort to keep in touch with them, text them or talk to them on facebook every once in a while (this way you can figure out whether they aren't interested in hanging out with you or they are just bad at keeping in touch cause some people are just that), but don't make a huge effort and concentrate on the people who you know will make an effort. Hope this helps :Dsuper600

I'm terrible at doing that.I think sometimes I stress or annoy a couple of my friends out sometimes because I wish it was easier finding time to talk to them.I'm lucky I'm still friends with those people.

It's good to know that the advise i give isn't completely useless. Also i learnt what the quote button actually does, this means i am no longer a noob!!
#27 Posted by Tazzman1000 (1108 posts) -

[QUOTE="Tazzman1000"]From my experiences i would advise keeping in touch with them, but not straining yourself about it. By that i mean make an effort to keep in touch with them, text them or talk to them on facebook every once in a while (this way you can figure out whether they aren't interested in hanging out with you or they are just bad at keeping in touch cause some people are just that), but don't make a huge effort and concentrate on the people who you know will make an effort. Hope this helps :Dsuper600

I'm terrible at doing that.I think sometimes I stress or annoy a couple of my friends out sometimes because I wish it was easier finding time to talk to them.I'm lucky I'm still friends with those people.

It's good to know that the advise i give isn't completely useless. Also i learnt what the quote button actually does, this means i am no longer a noob!!
#28 Posted by Stringerboy (6955 posts) -

Ditch them, they don't care about you anymore so why bother with them?

#29 Posted by harashawn (27599 posts) -
If they won't make any effort, why should you?
#30 Posted by michaelP4 (16680 posts) -
It honestly depends on you. You know your friends better than we do. What you may think may not at all match up with reality - friends do get busy and do sometimes forget unintentionally and unaware of how it makes you feel. If they're true friends, they won't forget about you. But even then, things like this do happen, and yeah, it's best just to move on rather than confronting them about it. You'll make new and possibly better friends anyway.
#31 Posted by super600 (30406 posts) -

[QUOTE="super600"]

[QUOTE="Tazzman1000"]From my experiences i would advise keeping in touch with them, but not straining yourself about it. By that i mean make an effort to keep in touch with them, text them or talk to them on facebook every once in a while (this way you can figure out whether they aren't interested in hanging out with you or they are just bad at keeping in touch cause some people are just that), but don't make a huge effort and concentrate on the people who you know will make an effort. Hope this helps :DTazzman1000

I'm terrible at doing that.I think sometimes I stress or annoy a couple of my friends out sometimes because I wish it was easier finding time to talk to them.I'm lucky I'm still friends with those people.

It's good to know that the advise i give isn't completely useless. Also i learnt what the quote button actually does, this means i am no longer a noob!!

Thanks for the wonderful advice.I will tell my friends this eventually.

#32 Posted by pero2008 (2888 posts) -

My friends are like that.They never contact me so I don't contact them

#33 Posted by Shottayouth13- (6768 posts) -
I once thought that I was solely at fault for not keeping in touch with them etc. But then I realized, it takes two to tango. So basically if you're the one putting in all the effort, then f*ck it.
#34 Posted by brucecambell (1572 posts) -

It seems like people make it out to be more than it is. Dont hold a grudge against anybody you lose contact with. People grow up, they grow apart, they get seperated by life, it happens.

Some people will make a huge deal about it & create some hostility over it. You guys are simply growing apart. Dont hate them for it, & dont push them ot be more active friends. Freinds come & go, freindshops also cool down, or pick up, rinse & repeat.

I had friends that hated me for distantcing myself from them yet the only thing i was doing was focusin on bettering myself, & my relationship with the one i loved. So like i said dont make a big deal oit of it.

Its wierd to me that freinds want to hold you to a standard for the rest of your life. Like if you're are super close now & hang out every dya then apparently in the future you have to conitue to hang out with those freinds every day for the rest of your life. Thats not how things work

Freindships may change with certain freinds where the amount of time you talk & hang will change. Dont hate them for it. Thats just how things work. Life, jobs, personal things, may get anyway, or people may change. It doesnt mean they hate you, they're just at a different point in life.

#35 Posted by Legenkiller59 (6464 posts) -

i just make new friends elsewhere, screw those old friends who don't wanna pay attention to you anymore

#36 Posted by Chris_53 (5110 posts) -
Today I axed a friend who I thought cared alot about me. The main reason was that whenever id arrange to meet her, she would give me some excuse, but with another friend, she would always make the time and effort for them. When I asked her about it, she just had a go and blamed me for all the issue we have. So, thats her gone. Feel totally gutted but im not beginning to feel it was the right decision.
#37 Posted by AussieePet (11424 posts) -
If they don't make effort why should you? maybe talk to them about this ?
#38 Posted by TwoFace-BS (10395 posts) -
Just move on TC if they dont want to talk to you
#39 Posted by wii60_3 (2006 posts) -

May be a bif of a daft topic, but when friends that you were quite close to no longer make the effort with you, i.e they wont spend time or even speak to you anymore, is it worth trying to make more of an effort with them? or just think "screw it" and focus on other people ?

I have/had a group of female friends (im a guy btw) that ive been friends with for a few years now, but the last few months, they dont seem to have much to do with me. Its at the point where they will only contact me, if I contact them first, i.e on facebook. I still care about them as friends, but as hard as it may be, im also considering distancing myself from them and just focusing on others that still contact me now and then.

Any input will be great. Im not gonna lie, its getting me down a tad.

Chris_53
Chrriiiis, you haven't talkked in agess, i feel like YOUVE changedd,omg
#40 Posted by Conno08 (5080 posts) -

Generally I just move on.

#41 Posted by sandlot76 (53266 posts) -
Sometimes it's for the best, you can't make them do anything, so if you've tried...