Tired of the nice guy pity party

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br0kenrabbit

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#1 br0kenrabbit
Member since 2004 • 17851 Posts

He's the guy in corner all by himself who can't find the initiative to join the room and mingle. Or maybe it's two guys, always friends, who just sit there and talk amongst themselves, as if no one else around them existed.

And then later he complains "how come girls never notice me, I'm a nice guy, a true romantic, but I can never get a girl."

Really, dude? You just sit there and mope in the corner and you expect to be noticed? What, do you expect girls to be able to look into your head and find all those chivalrous scenarios you've played through your mind over and over again but will never find the balls to actually employ? How are you going to stand up for your woman when you lack the bravery to even say hi?

I'm tired of hearing the same old sob story with such an obvious solution: nice guys finish last because they won't even run.

/rant

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zpluffy

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#2 zpluffy
Member since 2011 • 281 Posts
Loading Video...

Some nice guys play hard to get which result to some success 'sometimes.' Then there are these types of nice guys

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chessmaster1989

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#3 chessmaster1989
Member since 2008 • 30203 Posts

That's cool, blog it

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gamerguru100

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#4 gamerguru100
Member since 2009 • 12718 Posts

@chessmaster1989 said:

That's cool, blog it

I was thinking the same thing, LOL.

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Master_Live

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#5  Edited By Master_Live
Member since 2004 • 20510 Posts

@br0kenrabbit said:

And then later he complains "how come girls never notice me, I'm a nice guy, a true romantic, but I can never get a girl."

Did he actually said that? That sounds like what you might expect someone to say in movies. Is he your friend? I would try to stay clear of them if not.

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br0kenrabbit

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#6 br0kenrabbit
Member since 2004 • 17851 Posts

@Master_Live said:

@br0kenrabbit said:

And then later he complains "how come girls never notice me, I'm a nice guy, a true romantic, but I can never get a girl."

Did he actually said that? That sound like what you might expect someone to say in movies. Is he your friend? I would try to stay clear of them if not.

I'm not quoting I'm summarizing. And it's not just one person.

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SaintLeonidas

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#7 SaintLeonidas
Member since 2006 • 26735 Posts

Only thing more sad than the guy in your story? The one who goes on forums to complain about him.

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br0kenrabbit

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#8  Edited By br0kenrabbit
Member since 2004 • 17851 Posts

@SaintLeonidas said:

Only thing more sad than the guy in your story? The one who goes on forums to complain about him.

And the guy who complains about the guy complaining? Yeah.

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chessmaster1989

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#9 chessmaster1989
Member since 2008 • 30203 Posts
@SaintLeonidas said:

Only thing more sad than the guy in your story? The one who goes on forums to complain about him.

The guy in the story is just an introvert. The guy complaining about him is just an asshole.

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br0kenrabbit

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#10 br0kenrabbit
Member since 2004 • 17851 Posts

@chessmaster1989 said:

The guy in the story is just an introvert. The guy complaining about him is just an asshole.

I'm a dick, not an asshole. A dick just points out the obvious, an asshole is just obnoxious.

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deactivated-598fc45371265

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#11 deactivated-598fc45371265
Member since 2008 • 13247 Posts

I find drunk people annoying, so yeah I'm that guy.

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SaintLeonidas

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#12 SaintLeonidas
Member since 2006 • 26735 Posts

@br0kenrabbit said:

@SaintLeonidas said:

Only thing more sad than the guy in your story? The one who goes on forums to complain about him.

And the guy who complains about the guy complaining? Yeah.

Complaining/bitching and pointing out a fact are two very different things.

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DaVillain

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#13 DaVillain  Moderator
Member since 2014 • 55902 Posts

Maybe you should tell him to go one of those date sites.

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br0kenrabbit

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#14 br0kenrabbit
Member since 2004 • 17851 Posts

@SaintLeonidas said:

Complaining/bitching and pointing out a fact are two very different things.

So OT is now about fact-based postings? Hunh, well there goes what little traffic we had left.

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SaintLeonidas

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#15 SaintLeonidas
Member since 2006 • 26735 Posts

@br0kenrabbit said:

@SaintLeonidas said:

Complaining/bitching and pointing out a fact are two very different things.

So OT is now about fact-based postings? Hunh, well there goes what little traffic we had left.

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Master_Live

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#16 Master_Live
Member since 2004 • 20510 Posts

@br0kenrabbit said:

@Master_Live said:

@br0kenrabbit said:

And then later he complains "how come girls never notice me, I'm a nice guy, a true romantic, but I can never get a girl."

Did he actually said that? That sound like what you might expect someone to say in movies. Is he your friend? I would try to stay clear of them if not.

I'm not quoting I'm summarizing. And it's not just one person.

You actually were quoting but point taken. Like I said, if they weren't my friends I would try to stay clear of them.

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br0kenrabbit

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#17  Edited By br0kenrabbit
Member since 2004 • 17851 Posts

@Master_Live said:

You actually were quoting but point taken. Like I said, if they weren't my friends I would try to stay clear of them.

Well they are friends of friends, so I don't have much to do with them but I do see them from time to time.

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mattbbpl

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#18 mattbbpl
Member since 2006 • 23010 Posts

Maybe he's a nice guy, maybe he isn't. The part that's a problem is that he's a loner/introvert.

The whole meeting people thing isn't that hard, guys - you just have to do stuff with other people. Take up a hobby, join a group, get a group of people together to go spelunking every month, whatever floats your boat. The best part is that if what you're doing interests you, then other people who want to do it will be interesting TO you, and vice versa.

This actually extends beyond getting a date for the weekend as well. Professional connections and personal development opportunities arise to those who are able and willing to make contact with those around them. You don't want to stunt yourself because you're afraid of talking to people.

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deactivated-598fc45371265

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#19 deactivated-598fc45371265
Member since 2008 • 13247 Posts

@mattbbpl said:
get a group of people together to go spelunking every month,

But....there are no caves around here. :(

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br0kenrabbit

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#20 br0kenrabbit
Member since 2004 • 17851 Posts

@mattbbpl said:

The whole meeting people thing isn't that hard, guys

No, it's not.

And another thing, it's a numbers game. You may see a guy with a different girl every weekend and think "what a baller", but what you don't see is all the girls he asked who turned him down.

A lot of these nice guys have this ONE girl on a pedestal in their minds, and the slightest rejection by that one girl can make up their minds about ALL girls. We have a few of those on OT, actually...

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br0kenrabbit

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#21 br0kenrabbit
Member since 2004 • 17851 Posts

@Storm_Marine said:

But....there are no caves around here. :(

Grab a spoon and start digging.

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mattbbpl

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#22 mattbbpl
Member since 2006 • 23010 Posts

@Storm_Marine said:

@mattbbpl said:
get a group of people together to go spelunking every month,

But....there are no caves around here. :(

Touche, Storm, touche.

Forever alone :*-(

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comp_atkins

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#24 comp_atkins
Member since 2005 • 38662 Posts

eh.. why complain? if you're a single guy you'd want as many guys like that around as possible. less competition :P

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Sylveon128

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#25 Sylveon128
Member since 2015 • 99 Posts

I was a nice guy and I was getting girl but the crazy ones, or baby mamas,and also rude. That is way I stop being nice because you don't get the girl you want and now I have been hanging out in cool places and travel to different countries by being laid back,and saying what's on my mind and I could not be happier.

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#26 deactivated-598fc45371265
Member since 2008 • 13247 Posts

@Ryagan said:

Nice guy pity parties are the worst. Guys who whine about not being able to get girls and claim they're "nice guys" really aren't nice guys. I like Buckley's take on this subject.

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MrGeezer

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#27 MrGeezer
Member since 2002 • 59765 Posts

@br0kenrabbit said:

He's the guy in corner all by himself who can't find the initiative to join the room and mingle. Or maybe it's two guys, always friends, who just sit there and talk amongst themselves, as if no one else around them existed.

And then later he complains "how come girls never notice me, I'm a nice guy, a true romantic, but I can never get a girl."

Really, dude? You just sit there and mope in the corner and you expect to be noticed? What, do you expect girls to be able to look into your head and find all those chivalrous scenarios you've played through your mind over and over again but will never find the balls to actually employ? How are you going to stand up for your woman when you lack the bravery to even say hi?

I'm tired of hearing the same old sob story with such an obvious solution: nice guys finish last because they won't even run.

/rant

Well, for starters that isn't even really being "nice". That's just being reclusive. Which is fine if that's what people are into. but just like you, I don't want to hear people complain about it. That actually describes my behavior pretty well, I generally just stick to myself. What I DON'T do is then bitch and moan about being ignored or otherwise excluded. You take the negatives along with the perks and then STFU about it. If things ain't working out for you, then DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT, don't just sit there crying and moaning. And if things are working out okay, then STFU. You made your decision on how you're going to behave, so live with it and stop being a pity case.

but anyway, when I think of so called "nice" guys, I'm not generally thinking about awkward recluses. I'm thinking more of guys who are outgoing and friendly but only because they have some ulterior motive. And the thing with THEM is that they need to STFU too. You can seem like the nicest guy on Earth, but once you start bitching about how being nice isn't getting you things in return, then you've just ruined your own Nice Guy Disguise. If you were REALLY a nice guy, then you'd be nice because being nice is its own reward. Not because you expect people to give you shit. And...nothing wrong with genuinely nice guys. But the second you start complaining, you've just revealed your true intentions and shown that you AREN'T a genuinely nice guy. So either STFU or drop the nice guy act.

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MirkoS77

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#28 MirkoS77
Member since 2011 • 17640 Posts

Sounds more like an introvert than a nice guy to me. Of course, one would wonder why an introvert is even at a party in the first place...

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#29 -ParaNormaN-
Member since 2013 • 1573 Posts

Guys who have been single their whole lives (like me) can't even say that we're nice guys because, we may think nice things like those romantic scenarios but, you might not know that you have an inner douchebag inside. You've never reacted to a girl being angry and throwing insults at you. You imagine that you would hug her and say "you're right, I'm sorry" like they do in the movies but being in that situation could actually really bring the monster out of you. I've seen it before with friends so, don't assume you're that nice romantic when you've never even done those nice romantic things yourself.

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#30 deactivated-5b797108c254e
Member since 2013 • 11245 Posts

@Ryagan: That's basically what I'd tell them if I had 8 minutes to spare with those guys =P We have quite a few of those hypocrites in these forums. "Hot girls don't look at me because I'm ugly even though I'm the nicest guy they'll ever meet...stuck up bitches!" Well, then stop looking for "hot girls" and search for girls who have more in common with you "Are you kidding me? Those are the ugly ones...nobody's attracted to ugly women, NOBODY!" yep, your niceness is shiny brightly...

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-ParaNormaN-

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#31 -ParaNormaN-
Member since 2013 • 1573 Posts

@korvus: They're probably young. When you get over 25 you start to realize that hotness is nice to look at but it takes a backseat to other factors such as common ground. We need to have things in common in order to get along and like each other. Personality, I would hate dating a mean girl or someone who talks to me with no soul or energy. Little things like that.

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#32  Edited By deactivated-5b797108c254e
Member since 2013 • 11245 Posts

@-paranorman-: Yeah, no doubt that their priorities will change eventually but what bothers me is that it's perfectly logical to them not to date "ugly" nice girls because "nobody likes ugly women" but when women don't date them because they're ugly they're shallow bitches. Wonder what these guys think they have to offer that women would want.

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#33 -ParaNormaN-
Member since 2013 • 1573 Posts

@korvus: Yeah, what they're doing is setting up some kind of popularity contest. What girls are always popular? The hot ones right? It's a high school mentality that will eventually and thankfully drop, at least for most of us guys. Attractiveness also becomes subjective after a period of time.

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#34 deactivated-5b797108c254e
Member since 2013 • 11245 Posts

@-paranorman-: Yep; I mean, don't get me wrong, if I'm interested in a girl and she happens to be good looking on top of it even better, but that's not what causes me to become interested in someone. We all still have our "weaknesses" no matter how old we are...I, for one, find expressive eyes really attractive, which doesn't mean that just because a girl has expressive eyes she's nice, smart or interesting, but things are what they are =)

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#35 themajormayor
Member since 2011 • 25729 Posts

@br0kenrabbit said:

@chessmaster1989 said:

The guy in the story is just an introvert. The guy complaining about him is just an asshole.

I'm a dick, not an asshole. A dick just points out the obvious, an asshole is just obnoxious.

Yeah you're an asshole alright.

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deactivated-5b19214ec908b

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#36 deactivated-5b19214ec908b
Member since 2007 • 25072 Posts

I wish this whole nice guy thing will just die. If you say you're a nice guy chances are you're not.

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DaVillain

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#37 DaVillain  Moderator
Member since 2014 • 55902 Posts

@korvus said:

@Ryagan: That's basically what I'd tell them if I had 8 minutes to spare with those guys =P We have quite a few of those hypocrites in these forums. "Hot girls don't look at me because I'm ugly even though I'm the nicest guy they'll ever meet...stuck up bitches!" Well, then stop looking for "hot girls" and search for girls who have more in common with you "Are you kidding me? Those are the ugly ones...nobody's attracted to ugly women, NOBODY!" yep, your niceness is shiny brightly...

Come on now, we all can't be pretty these days, it's the Human nature thing. Now if a girl was ugly but has a nice body shape to make up for, would you still date her? I did in my life time. Sexy body but the head is ugly, I can live with that.

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#38 deactivated-5b797108c254e
Member since 2013 • 11245 Posts

@davillain-: I wasn't referring to myself..this was just what a user (won't specify who) told me when I asked him why he only tried to get "hot chicks". I'd date anyone whom I'd find attractive, even if I didn't find her particularly pretty or "hot" although I'd have to argue that when you're interested in somebody you can't really think of them as ugly or fat...that only applies if you're trying to get laid.

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DaVillain

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#39 DaVillain  Moderator
Member since 2014 • 55902 Posts

@korvus: Fair enough.

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Planeforger

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#40 Planeforger
Member since 2004 • 19551 Posts

For me, the classic "why do girls always date assholes and overlook me" nice guy isn't the recluse. Instead, he's the guy who actively tries to make himself look like the nicest guy in the world (but only for the girl he's after, obviously).

Whether it be repairing a computer without payment, giving a girl a lift halfway across the country, or even just staying up all night listening to her talk about her failing relationships...the "nice" guy will never make a move, either seem like the best asexual friend ever or a total creeper, and they'll inevitably rage about how terrible women are when their endless good deeds aren't rewarded with everlasting love and affection (or more specifically, sex).

Those sorts of guys simply don't understand that, if you're going out of your way to be specifically nice to someone (in the hopes that they'll notice how nice you are), then you're not really a nice guy.

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#41 foxhound_fox
Member since 2005 • 98532 Posts

@Planeforger said:

For me, the classic "why do girls always date assholes and overlook me" nice guy isn't the recluse. Instead, he's the guy who actively tries to make himself look like the nicest guy in the world (but only for the girl he's after, obviously).

Whether it be repairing a computer without payment, giving a girl a lift halfway across the country, or even just staying up all night listening to her talk about her failing relationships...the "nice" guy will never make a move, either seem like the best asexual friend ever or a total creeper, and they'll inevitably rage about how terrible women are when their endless good deeds aren't rewarded with everlasting love and affection (or more specifically, sex).

Those sorts of guys simply don't understand that, if you're going out of your way to be specifically nice to someone (in the hopes that they'll notice how nice you are), then you're not really a nice guy.

Oh lord, ever so this. I have a friend, who I used to be close with (he's pretty much disappeared for some odd reason as of late), who only ever treated the woman of his affection with respect and treated her as this goddess and would literally do anything for her (she was moving to Toronto for work, and he was going to go with her, but she shut that down real quick).

Now, since then, he's been on a slight downward spiral, doing the same thing with other women, only it not lasting nearly as long, and ends up really hurting the women in the end.

Honestly, I used to think like this, till I experienced the "friendzone" as most call it... and decided from that moment on, I wouldn't be "the nice guy" anymore. I'd just respect all women equally and wait till I found the right person to invest myself in. No more than 6 months after that, I met the woman I've been with for a couple weeks short of 6 years now.

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#42 deactivated-5b797108c254e
Member since 2013 • 11245 Posts

@foxhound_fox: Congrats on the 6 years!! =D

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#43 uninspiredcup
Member since 2013 • 58647 Posts

@chessmaster1989 said:
@SaintLeonidas said:

Only thing more sad than the guy in your story? The one who goes on forums to complain about him.

The guy in the story is just an introvert. The guy complaining about him is just an asshole.

That was wise, Mr Miyagi level.

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#44 deactivated-5b797108c254e
Member since 2013 • 11245 Posts

@uninspiredcup said:

@chessmaster1989 said:
@SaintLeonidas said:

Only thing more sad than the guy in your story? The one who goes on forums to complain about him.

The guy in the story is just an introvert. The guy complaining about him is just an asshole.

That was wise, Mr Miyagi level.

I disagree. The guy in the story was not "just an introvert"; introverts own up to what they are and realise that them being the way they are has consequences just like everything else. The guy in the story is delusional.

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#45 Jaysonguy
Member since 2006 • 39454 Posts

@br0kenrabbit said:

He's the guy in corner all by himself who can't find the initiative to join the room and mingle. Or maybe it's two guys, always friends, who just sit there and talk amongst themselves, as if no one else around them existed.

And then later he complains "how come girls never notice me, I'm a nice guy, a true romantic, but I can never get a girl."

Really, dude? You just sit there and mope in the corner and you expect to be noticed? What, do you expect girls to be able to look into your head and find all those chivalrous scenarios you've played through your mind over and over again but will never find the balls to actually employ? How are you going to stand up for your woman when you lack the bravery to even say hi?

I'm tired of hearing the same old sob story with such an obvious solution: nice guys finish last because they won't even run.

/rant

The fact you even notice someone talking like that, let alone actually let it occupy yourself, sickens me

Man up and act right

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johnd13

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#46 johnd13
Member since 2011 • 11124 Posts

@Jaysonguy said:

@br0kenrabbit said:

He's the guy in corner all by himself who can't find the initiative to join the room and mingle. Or maybe it's two guys, always friends, who just sit there and talk amongst themselves, as if no one else around them existed.

And then later he complains "how come girls never notice me, I'm a nice guy, a true romantic, but I can never get a girl."

Really, dude? You just sit there and mope in the corner and you expect to be noticed? What, do you expect girls to be able to look into your head and find all those chivalrous scenarios you've played through your mind over and over again but will never find the balls to actually employ? How are you going to stand up for your woman when you lack the bravery to even say hi?

I'm tired of hearing the same old sob story with such an obvious solution: nice guys finish last because they won't even run.

/rant

The fact you even notice someone talking like that, let alone actually let it occupy yourself, sickens me

Man up and act right

You could actually help the poor sod. He can't find the initiative to join the others? Why don't you give him the initiative he needs and maybe he'll take it from there.

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johnd13

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#47  Edited By johnd13
Member since 2011 • 11124 Posts

@korvus said:

@uninspiredcup said:

@chessmaster1989 said:
@SaintLeonidas said:

Only thing more sad than the guy in your story? The one who goes on forums to complain about him.

The guy in the story is just an introvert. The guy complaining about him is just an asshole.

That was wise, Mr Miyagi level.

I disagree. The guy in the story was not "just an introvert"; introverts own up to what they are and realise that them being the way they are has consequences just like everything else. The guy in the story is delusional.

Your definition of introvert matches with my case perfectly.

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Serraph105

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#48 Serraph105
Member since 2007 • 36038 Posts

:

@-paranorman- said:

@korvus: They're probably young. When you get over 25 you start to realize that hotness is nice to look at but it takes a backseat to other factors such as common ground. We need to have things in common in order to get along and like each other. Personality, I would hate dating a mean girl or someone who talks to me with no soul or energy. Little things like that

@korvus said:

@-paranorman-: Yep; I mean, don't get me wrong, if I'm interested in a girl and she happens to be good looking on top of it even better, but that's not what causes me to become interested in someone. We all still have our "weaknesses" no matter how old we are...I, for one, find expressive eyes really attractive, which doesn't mean that just because a girl has expressive eyes she's nice, smart or interesting, but things are what they are =)

I'm definitely echoing the sentiment of Korvus and Paranorman.

I have several thoughts about the whole friend zone concept. First off does it even exist? After all if a guy is in love with a girl, but she does not reciprocate that love is it really love? Also since there are no studies on "nice guys" I have to wonder if this is more about guys who are too young to recognize that the "love game" is a much longer one that they have been playing for the last 5-7 years, and I wish there was some actual data showing how many "nice guys" end up married vs "douchebags" ending up single or at the very least maturing into much nicer people.

Finally I would like to ask this to Korvus, @foxhound_fox, and possibly paranorman. Do you guys find it easier to dismiss the concept of the friend zone now that you are in a good relationship? I know that in the past I very much considered myself to be in the friendzone with a particular girl, but now that I have been in a great relationship for the past four years :D I find myself dismissing the very idea of the friend zone. I don't know if this is because I am older and wiser or if it's because I have simply been away from the game long enough that I have become somewhat ignorant to the reality of it.

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#49 foxhound_fox
Member since 2005 • 98532 Posts

@Serraph105 said:

Finally I would like to ask this to Korvus, @foxhound_fox, and possibly paranorman. Do you guys find it easier to dismiss the concept of the friend zone now that you are in a good relationship? I know that in the past I very much considered myself to be in the friendzone with a particular girl, but now that I have been in a great relationship for the past four years :D I find myself dismissing the very idea of the friend zone. I don't know if this is because I am older and wiser or if it's because I have simply been away from the game long enough that I have become somewhat ignorant to the reality of it.

The "friendzone" exists. It usually only occurs for guys unwilling to make their feelings for a woman apparent from the start of the relationships, and where they'd do anything and everything they can, including change themselves and their fundamental beliefs, in order to impress and/or befriend the woman in question.

It's essentially a place of extreme self-pity for a person unwilling to take it upon themselves to make moves in a relationship.

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Smashbrossive50

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#50 Smashbrossive50
Member since 2009 • 3915 Posts

I've been in the same league as that guy you mention tc,even worse,wanna know what makes them good looking chicks pick a dumb,depraved "passionate" hunk instead of a potent person? They only speak of the general minds,they don't even give a damn about what you have to say,because it's not "viral" enough.started to think this is a form of society persecution that plotted to keep you away from the crowd.