Tell Dad jokes

So this is a thread where we tell "Dad Jokes" also known as puns or simply a play on words.

What do you call an everyday potato? A Commentator

How many times do you need to tickle a squid to make it laugh? Ten tickles

No matter how far you push the envelope. It's still stationery.

A book fell on my head today...I only have myshelf to blame.

My dad says he knows exactly who will win the presidential election.. The one with the most votes

Ok your turn, have fun guys.

None of those are funny, is that a characteristic of "dad jokes"? They even aren't "silly" funny.

Yes.

@Master_Live: generally speaking yes.

Ummmm, well stop giving dads a bad name. My father is actually quite funny and can tell a good joke!

Have you heard about that new band called, "1023MB"? Apparently, they can never get a gig.

I won the "That's All I Got trophy" in The Last of Us. Here are some of Ellie's silly funny jokes off the top of my head (You should know that I played the game a year and three quarters ago):

I walked into my sister's room and tripped on a bra.it was a booby-trap.

What is the leading cause of divorce in long-term marriages? A stalemate.

3.14% of sailors are Pi-Rates

I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

Why did the scarecrow get a promotion? Because he was out standing in his field.

What did the mermaid wear to her math class? An algae bra.

What did the 2 seas say to each other? Nothing they just waved

lol that's so stupid (funny stupid I mean)

Are you shore it's stupid?

Oh You just reminded me of another stupid joke my English teacher once made:

Once upon a time a guy was having breakfast with his dad. The dad says "sugar" is the only word in which "s" is pronounce like "sh". The son says: Are you sure?

Oh, stupid and humourless jokes! I'm good at those.

Hey @magicalclick, since you said you laugh at gay jokes I made a dad joke just for you....Why did the shaven straight guy got asked to leave the gay bar? Because they couldn't bear him!

I legitimately don't get this joke lol

@deeliman: I did say it was for magicalclick; he'll explain it to you XD

Hes said it was gonna be stupid and humorless :P

I know none off the top of my head

LOL Korvus got you good deeliman.

@davillain-: ?

I'm really lost here lol

@deeliman: The pun was with the word bear.

In male bisexual and gay culture, a bear is a often a larger, hairier man who projects an image of rugged masculinity. Bears are one of many LGBT communities with events, codes, and a culture-specific identity.

The reason I made that joke for @magicalclick was because he's always saying how bears are so hot and he wants one for himself.

Did you hear the joke about the cookie? Nah nevermind, it was crummy.

oh those are what Dad jokes are. I thought you meant jokes about Dad's in the style of "Yo mama" jokes (i.e "yo papa so dumb he thinks Al Sharpton is a marker brand").

Kid: Daddy who are you voting for in the next election Dad: Same guy I did last time Kid: But neither of them are running next time Dad:I voted for nobody

What do terrorist members find look for in a woman Big bombs

Who do you think is going to win Miss Afghanistan this year? It doesn't matter since you can't tell who's the prettiest with their faces all covered up

The other day at the restaurant I gave the waitress a good tip: If you want me to give you more money, next time make sure the soda isn't as flat as your ass!

I think I do.

@Storm_Marine: You know a dad joke is good when 1) most people don't get it 2) the guy you @ link doesn't ever bother to reply =P

@whipassmt:

@korvus: Nobody's not the only guy who keeps his promises, Slade Wilson keeps his promises kid, he keeps his promises, he keeps his promises!

But Nobody's a pretty good candidate, I mean he did manage to stab a Cyclops in the eye in order to save his pals.