Parents forcing me to go to the university...

#1 Edited by crazyguy111 (192 posts) -

Hey, I got accepted Into 2 universities, one of them is a small, christian private school. It it not ranked, I have no friends who are going there, and the campus is ugly. My parents want me to go there because they say its small, and the teachers will pay more attention to me, and I will talk socialize more there.

The second is much larger, public, cheaper, it's not at all prestigious but is ranked about average compared to other universities in America, and is ranked much better than the other private Christian one. Also all my friends are going there. However, My parents said I would get lost in the crowd and my mild social anxiety would get worse because they said I would be unable to make any new friends.

My parents are forcing me to go to the small Christian university, even though I have absolutely no desire to go there. They are afraid that because of my average gpa and sat scores I would do poorly in college, but I highly doubt I would do any better at the small Christian college. I would probably fell depressed there, but my parents are forcing me to go anyways and have been very stubborn. What can I tell them so that they change their mind? Perhaps they are being fair with me? Thoughts?

#2 Posted by plageus900 (953 posts) -

Who's paying for your college?

#3 Posted by Flubbbs (2897 posts) -

how old are you? cant make your own decisions?

#4 Edited by Shadowchronicle (25975 posts) -

Who's paying for your college?

While that is true he did point out how the public college is cheaper. I mean sure they have the right to do it but I think they could be a little more flexible than that.

#5 Posted by plageus900 (953 posts) -

@plageus900 said:

Who's paying for your college?

While that is true he did point out how the public college is cheaper. I mean sure they have the right to do it but I think they could be a little more flexible than that.

Maybe.

As an adult, he could refuse to accept his parent's money and go to the school of his choosing and use student loans.

#6 Posted by Nengo_Flow (9376 posts) -

lol at your parents telling you that you can never make new friends.

Let me tell you this, if you go to the one you dont want to go to, the chances of you hating it by the day and hating being there with having less and less interest in continuing education will be mighty high.

Universities are way different from high schools in every way possible, and not only is it a struggle, but when you are in a place that you dont want to be you'll just start to despise everything and care less for your classes.

#7 Posted by thegerg (14601 posts) -

Be a big boy, make up your own mind. By what mechanism are you being forced into this? I'm guessing that (due to the fact you're a university student) that you're an adult. If you're being forced to go to a place against your will I suggest that you call the police.

#8 Edited by crazyguy111 (192 posts) -

@plageus900:

My parents. They don't mind paying more for the private Christian school, they just want me to go there

#9 Posted by Yoshi9000 (381 posts) -

Please just go to the college you want to go to. I made the mistake of being indecisive and letting my parents persuade me where to go instead of making up my own mind, and now I have a bitter hatred for college. Im not blaming my parents, because I did have free will, but I never seem to know how to make decisions for myself. The college I am at is a small private college, and let me tell you, as someone with social anxiety, and pretty bad, I doubt it makes a difference. It may as well be worse because it is small, you see the same people everyday, and get anxiety because you feel obligated to say hello and be friendly. In a bigger school, at least it is easier to blend in the crowd. Especially if your friends are going there man, you should be fine.

As for education, I'm not sure. Smaller school will offer more time to talk to the teacher if you need help, but if you take classes seriously and ask for help from other students or friends, you should be fine. Trust me though on anxiety, the crowds wont make it worse. Hiding from people and not socializing will make it worse, and that's easier to do at a private school. Just put yourself out there a little by little, and it will get better, and your friends should help. In the end, I believe it's best to go with whatever you want to do, after all, it's your college experience.

#10 Posted by -Renegade (8340 posts) -

i agree with yoshi9000, larger university means more potential friends to meet. at least you have some friends going to the larger university so it wont be as bad at first.

#11 Posted by darkmark91 (2850 posts) -

Pick the College with the better program for the major you're thinking about. I don't want to come off as a dick, but screw your old HS friends, college is about meeting new people and experiences. However above all, your education should come first, thus pick the one with the better program. You're an adult and can get a car and will be able to drive to whatever places you will enjoy.

#12 Posted by Mikey132 (5101 posts) -

NOOOOOOOOOO!!! They're all going to laugh at you.

On a serious note, I thought collage cured social anxiety with alcohol.

#13 Edited by lamprey263 (22666 posts) -

You're education should come first, go to the better school, but focus on school before friends. You will naturally make friends.

#14 Posted by bowchicka07 (1073 posts) -

@crazyguy111: Just keep trying to talk them into it man. Might have to kiss some ass and do whatever it takes to get on their best side but don't give up if that is what you really want.

Be stern about it and but remain positive and respectful towards them. Maybe it will shed a new light. Develop a plan (major, class schedule, and a job) for when you go to that school and let them in on it. They might feel more obligated to change their mind if you have a plan. Take some tours of both schools as well if you haven't.

#15 Edited by 4myAmuzumament (1743 posts) -

what are trying to study? you should choose a school that is going to help you become the person you want to be. Also, there's the option of not going either, there is no rush. Find a job and work your way through the college of your choosing. Take as long as you like.

#16 Posted by Behardy24 (2644 posts) -

If I ever even got accepted to even one college, my parents would freaking out with tears of happiness.

But I say man, do what you want that is going to make you the happiness and where you know you'll have support. When you enter college you'll need all the support you can get. Trust me.

#17 Posted by johnd13 (7897 posts) -

Think this through and decide what you really want for your life and degree. If you are determined that the public university is the better choice then go for it. This is your life, your decisions, you don't want to be forced into anything that serious(because entering college is kind of an important part of your life) just because your parents want you to. So voice all your arguments and make them understand.

#18 Posted by thegerg (14601 posts) -

Still waiting for an answer. How are they forcing you to do this?

#19 Posted by alim298 (1110 posts) -

It depends on your personality but before I get into details let me tell you one thing: Hear your parents advice but choose completely on your own. Now if you are okay with not being the best student in your college but in the meantime you have this stubborn and esteemed personality to try to be the best and that you would not feel sad if that never happened and that effort and result are equally important to you then you should definitely go to the better college. On the other hand if you're this type of person who only feels satisfactory in victory and easily gets demoralized by failure then without the slightest doubt go to the christian school.

#20 Posted by Trender_man (136 posts) -

the fact your friends are going to one shouldn't be a factor

#21 Edited by fueled-system (6246 posts) -

How can an adult be forced to do something by his or her parents... Make your own decision.

If you don't want to go to the first go to the second and pay for it yourself...

#22 Posted by AmazonTreeBoa (16744 posts) -

And how old are you? I am assuming you are an adult seeing you are talking college. Are your parents paying? If not, I don't see what is so hard about telling them to fuck off.

#23 Posted by crazyguy111 (192 posts) -

@thegerg:

They won't allow me to go to the large public school I want to go to. When ever I tell them that I want to go to the public school, they tell me no, and I am not allowed to go there. They are also signing up for the dorms and fees without my permission.

#24 Posted by thegerg (14601 posts) -

@crazyguy111: How old are you? What kind of force are they using?

#25 Edited by Wilfred_Owen (20817 posts) -

@thegerg:

They won't allow me to go to the large public school I want to go to. When ever I tell them that I want to go to the public school, they tell me no, and I am not allowed to go there. They are also signing up for the dorms and fees without my permission.

One day you'll reach the age where you can make your own decisions. You can do it!

#26 Edited by plageus900 (953 posts) -

@crazyguy111 said:

@thegerg:

They won't allow me to go to the large public school I want to go to. When ever I tell them that I want to go to the public school, they tell me no, and I am not allowed to go there. They are also signing up for the dorms and fees without my permission.

How old are you?

You could always tell them to blow it up their cornhole, go the long way around, join the military for 4 years(either like it or hate it), get that Post-9/11 GI Bill and go to the school of your choosing for free.

Yeah baby.

#27 Posted by RadecSupreme (4629 posts) -

I find it ridiculous that your parents are choosing the school for you. Grow some fucking balls man.

#28 Posted by GordanChoong (210 posts) -

Hey, I got accepted Into 2 universities, one of them is a small, christian private school. It it not ranked, I have no friends who are going there, and the campus is ugly. My parents want me to go there because they say its small, and the teachers will pay more attention to me, and I will talk socialize more there.

The second is much larger, public, cheaper, it's not at all prestigious but is ranked about average compared to other universities in America, and is ranked much better than the other private Christian one. Also all my friends are going there. However, My parents said I would get lost in the crowd and my mild social anxiety would get worse because they said I would be unable to make any new friends.

My parents are forcing me to go to the small Christian university, even though I have absolutely no desire to go there. They are afraid that because of my average gpa and sat scores I would do poorly in college, but I highly doubt I would do any better at the small Christian college. I would probably fell depressed there, but my parents are forcing me to go anyways and have been very stubborn. What can I tell them so that they change their mind? Perhaps they are being fair with me? Thoughts?

Woah, so much stuff going on with your family! I think you should call a therapist or guidance counsellor or somebody to sit you all down and talk it all out!

#29 Posted by sukraj (21806 posts) -
#30 Posted by bobaban (10542 posts) -

@thegerg:

They won't allow me to go to the large public school I want to go to. When ever I tell them that I want to go to the public school, they tell me no, and I am not allowed to go there. They are also signing up for the dorms and fees without my permission.

Well, looks like your ship is sunk.

It's actually better if your old friends aren't there, you can act completely different. Try to make the most of it by joining clubs. I'm sure there will be prime christian girls there, and I know they aren't all saint-like.

#31 Posted by plageus900 (953 posts) -

I find it ridiculous that your parents are choosing the school for you. Grow some fucking balls man.

If they're paying for it, they do have a say in where he goes. If he wants to refuse their support and go where he wants to go, that would be growing some balls.

#32 Posted by thegerg (14601 posts) -

@plageus900: That's like saying that I have a say in what you wear if I buy you a pink tutu to wear to work. He's not obligated or forced into doing something simply because someone else pays for it.

#33 Posted by plageus900 (953 posts) -

@thegerg said:

@plageus900: That's like saying that I have a say in what you wear if I buy you a pink tutu to wear to work. He's not obligated or forced into doing something simply because someone else pays for it.

Your right, but if his parents are going to pay for his college they DO have a say. He doesn't have accept their help. If my money is going to go somewhere, I get to choose where it's going.

#34 Posted by thegerg (14601 posts) -

@thegerg said:

@plageus900: That's like saying that I have a say in what you wear if I buy you a pink tutu to wear to work. He's not obligated or forced into doing something simply because someone else pays for it.

Your right, but if his parents are going to pay for his college they DO have a say. He doesn't have accept their help. If my money is going to go somewhere, I get to choose where it's going.

"If my money is going to go somewhere, I get to choose where it's going."

Right, but you don't get to make someone else do something against their will because you spend your money.

#35 Edited by GordanChoong (210 posts) -

@thegerg:

They won't allow me to go to the large public school I want to go to. When ever I tell them that I want to go to the public school, they tell me no, and I am not allowed to go there. They are also signing up for the dorms and fees without my permission.

I think this is going out if hand and that the police may have to be involved.

#36 Posted by Nibroc420 (13567 posts) -
@thegerg said:

@plageus900: That's like saying that I have a say in what you wear if I buy you a pink tutu to wear to work. He's not obligated or forced into doing something simply because someone else pays for it.

While you're right, he does have the option to not go to the college his parents pick; Chances are he's not going to be able to pay for another college without their financial support.

So it becomes

A.) Go to college parents pick, at their expense.
B.) Go to college you want, taking out loans and working part-time.
C.) Don't go to college

#37 Posted by thegerg (14601 posts) -

@thegerg said:

@plageus900: That's like saying that I have a say in what you wear if I buy you a pink tutu to wear to work. He's not obligated or forced into doing something simply because someone else pays for it.

While you're right, he does have the option to not go to the college his parents pick; Chances are he's not going to be able to pay for another college without their financial support.

So it becomes

A.) Go to college parents pick, at their expense.

B.) Go to college you want, taking out loans and working part-time.

C.) Don't go to college

Or he could go about paying for college another way. Regardless, his parents have no say in where he goes to school.

#38 Posted by foxhound_fox (87334 posts) -

If you are 18 years old and don't want to go... then no one can force you to do anything.

#39 Posted by Nibroc420 (13567 posts) -

@thegerg said:

@Nibroc420 said:

@thegerg said:

@plageus900: That's like saying that I have a say in what you wear if I buy you a pink tutu to wear to work. He's not obligated or forced into doing something simply because someone else pays for it.

While you're right, he does have the option to not go to the college his parents pick; Chances are he's not going to be able to pay for another college without their financial support.

So it becomes

A.) Go to college parents pick, at their expense.

B.) Go to college you want, taking out loans and working part-time.

C.) Don't go to college

Or he could go about paying for college another way. Regardless, his parents have no say in where he goes to school.

They have a say as to which school they will pay for. His best option is to just suck it up and finish college debt free. Assuming the college isn't complete garbage, not all religious universities are horrible.

#40 Posted by thegerg (14601 posts) -

@thegerg said:

@Nibroc420 said:

@thegerg said:

@plageus900: That's like saying that I have a say in what you wear if I buy you a pink tutu to wear to work. He's not obligated or forced into doing something simply because someone else pays for it.

While you're right, he does have the option to not go to the college his parents pick; Chances are he's not going to be able to pay for another college without their financial support.

So it becomes

A.) Go to college parents pick, at their expense.

B.) Go to college you want, taking out loans and working part-time.

C.) Don't go to college

Or he could go about paying for college another way. Regardless, his parents have no say in where he goes to school.

They have a say as to which school they will pay for. His best option is to just suck it up and finish college debt free. Assuming the college isn't complete garbage, not all religious universities are horrible.

"They have a say as to which school they will pay for."

I agree, I don't think anyone is saying otherwise.

"His best option is to just suck it up and finish college debt free."

I agree. I don't think anyone is saying otherwise.

#41 Posted by Nibroc420 (13567 posts) -

@thegerg said:

@Nibroc420 said:

@thegerg said:

@Nibroc420 said:

@thegerg said:

@plageus900: That's like saying that I have a say in what you wear if I buy you a pink tutu to wear to work. He's not obligated or forced into doing something simply because someone else pays for it.

While you're right, he does have the option to not go to the college his parents pick; Chances are he's not going to be able to pay for another college without their financial support.

So it becomes

A.) Go to college parents pick, at their expense.

B.) Go to college you want, taking out loans and working part-time.

C.) Don't go to college

Or he could go about paying for college another way. Regardless, his parents have no say in where he goes to school.

They have a say as to which school they will pay for. His best option is to just suck it up and finish college debt free. Assuming the college isn't complete garbage, not all religious universities are horrible.

"They have a say as to which school they will pay for."

I agree, I don't think anyone is saying otherwise.

"His best option is to just suck it up and finish college debt free."

I agree. I don't think anyone is saying otherwise.

So, technically, they do have a say.If tommorow, his parents changed their mind and were all "actually, we want you to go to this other college", TC would probably go there.
TC doesn't have a spine, and so his parents have a say.

#42 Posted by thegerg (14601 posts) -

@thegerg said:

@Nibroc420 said:

@thegerg said:

@Nibroc420 said:

@thegerg said:

@plageus900: That's like saying that I have a say in what you wear if I buy you a pink tutu to wear to work. He's not obligated or forced into doing something simply because someone else pays for it.

While you're right, he does have the option to not go to the college his parents pick; Chances are he's not going to be able to pay for another college without their financial support.

So it becomes

A.) Go to college parents pick, at their expense.

B.) Go to college you want, taking out loans and working part-time.

C.) Don't go to college

Or he could go about paying for college another way. Regardless, his parents have no say in where he goes to school.

They have a say as to which school they will pay for. His best option is to just suck it up and finish college debt free. Assuming the college isn't complete garbage, not all religious universities are horrible.

"They have a say as to which school they will pay for."

I agree, I don't think anyone is saying otherwise.

"His best option is to just suck it up and finish college debt free."

I agree. I don't think anyone is saying otherwise.

So, technically, they do have a say.If tommorow, his parents changed their mind and were all "actually, we want you to go to this other college", TC would probably go there.

TC doesn't have a spine, and so his parents have a say.

I'm just not sure if that's a result of his parents having a say or simply his lack of a spine.

#43 Edited by Nibroc420 (13567 posts) -

@thegerg said:

@Nibroc420 said:

@thegerg said:

@Nibroc420 said:

@thegerg said:

@Nibroc420 said:

@thegerg said:

@plageus900: That's like saying that I have a say in what you wear if I buy you a pink tutu to wear to work. He's not obligated or forced into doing something simply because someone else pays for it.

While you're right, he does have the option to not go to the college his parents pick; Chances are he's not going to be able to pay for another college without their financial support.

So it becomes

A.) Go to college parents pick, at their expense.

B.) Go to college you want, taking out loans and working part-time.

C.) Don't go to college

Or he could go about paying for college another way. Regardless, his parents have no say in where he goes to school.

They have a say as to which school they will pay for. His best option is to just suck it up and finish college debt free. Assuming the college isn't complete garbage, not all religious universities are horrible.

"They have a say as to which school they will pay for."

I agree, I don't think anyone is saying otherwise.

"His best option is to just suck it up and finish college debt free."

I agree. I don't think anyone is saying otherwise.

So, technically, they do have a say.If tommorow, his parents changed their mind and were all "actually, we want you to go to this other college", TC would probably go there.

TC doesn't have a spine, and so his parents have a say.

I'm just not sure if that's a result of his parents having a say or simply his lack of a spine.

At least we can agree TC has no spine.

#44 Posted by thegerg (14601 posts) -

@thegerg said:

@Nibroc420 said:

@thegerg said:

@Nibroc420 said:

@thegerg said:

@Nibroc420 said:

@thegerg said:

@plageus900: That's like saying that I have a say in what you wear if I buy you a pink tutu to wear to work. He's not obligated or forced into doing something simply because someone else pays for it.

While you're right, he does have the option to not go to the college his parents pick; Chances are he's not going to be able to pay for another college without their financial support.

So it becomes

A.) Go to college parents pick, at their expense.

B.) Go to college you want, taking out loans and working part-time.

C.) Don't go to college

Or he could go about paying for college another way. Regardless, his parents have no say in where he goes to school.

They have a say as to which school they will pay for. His best option is to just suck it up and finish college debt free. Assuming the college isn't complete garbage, not all religious universities are horrible.

"They have a say as to which school they will pay for."

I agree, I don't think anyone is saying otherwise.

"His best option is to just suck it up and finish college debt free."

I agree. I don't think anyone is saying otherwise.

So, technically, they do have a say.If tommorow, his parents changed their mind and were all "actually, we want you to go to this other college", TC would probably go there.

TC doesn't have a spine, and so his parents have a say.

I'm just not sure if that's a result of his parents having a say or simply his lack of a spine.

At least we can agree TC has no spine.

Haha, poor guy.

#45 Posted by Gaming-Planet (13870 posts) -

You're an adult. Don't need your parents validation.

#46 Posted by Nibroc420 (13567 posts) -

You're an adult. Don't need your parents validation.

He just needs their money for University.

#47 Edited by hippiesanta (9757 posts) -
#48 Posted by donmuath (53 posts) -

Try to act as mature as you can about it,don't cite the fact that all your friends are there, talk about the better ranking of the school and how it will help you in your career; if they see you as an adult they are more likely to listen to you. I did that and my parents allowed me to study in a university in a whole other continent, not saying all parents are the same but that's what worked for me.

#49 Posted by THE_DRUGGIE (24961 posts) -

@plageus900:

My parents. They don't mind paying more for the private Christian school, they just want me to go there

Sounds like a snorey borefest to me. Take the public one and develop an elaborate plan to fool them into thinking you're at the Christian school!