I'm a loner,socially awkward/weird,got no GF,unattractive,etc.

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#1 Posted by BigB0ss13 (18 posts) -

And I'm in my mid 20s living with my parents and siblings and I have absolutely no connection with my family at all.  When I see them I ignore them and when they try to talk to me I give them one word answers.  It was better when I was young however but only by a little bit.  Like I said now I have absolutely no connection with any family or anyone else.  If something bad happened to any of them I probably brush it off as if nothing happened. 

Growing up I was shy as f*** and never had any friends.  The kids at my school would be supportive and try to include me in their group of friends but I was still very quiet and weird too.  I'm also like this at work and it feels like everyone don't like me cause I'm weird/socially awkward and I'm pretty lucky to have that job cause of a family member knowing someone who can get me that job that don't pay much...I get less than $10 per hour after a few yrs

 

As a kid I didn't care about school and nowit's probably a bad idea to go back to college cause I did bad in college too.

 

Wtf is wrong with me and how can I get my situation better?  I feel super lonely and I don't know where to start.

#2 Posted by lonewolf604 (8526 posts) -

Well, brace yourself for the "get over it" or "stop acting like you have it the worst" comments. Comments like this bug me; very few people will have an epiphany with just people telling others to "get over it". At the same time though, this really isn't the place to ask for help.

Try opening up to your family more, tell them about your problems, they can help you. And if you feel as if this is more than just a simple social problem (ie depression), talk to a doctor or psychiatrist.

#3 Posted by Laihendi (5828 posts) -

And I'm in my mid 20s living with my parents and siblings and I have absolutely no connection with my family at all.  When I see them I ignore them and when they try to talk to me I give them one word answers.  It was better when I was young however but only by a little bit.  Like I said now I have absolutely no connection with any family or anyone else.  If something bad happened to any of them I probably brush it off as if nothing happened. 

Growing up I was shy as f*** and never had any friends.  The kids at my school would be supportive and try to include me in their group of friends but I was still very quiet and weird too.  I'm also like this at work and it feels like everyone don't like me cause I'm weird/socially awkward and I'm pretty lucky to have that job cause of a family member knowing someone who can get me that job that don't pay much...I get less than $10 per hour after a few yrs

 

As a kid I didn't care about school and now I'm too lazy to go back to college.

 

Wtf is wrong with me and how can I get my situation better?  I feel super lonely and I don't know where to start.

BigB0ss13
Identify your behaviour that you dislike, and stop doing it. Identify what you want to do, what you have to do to be able to do it, and start doing those things. It is that simple. Laziness is a choice, not an excuse.
#4 Posted by heeweesRus (5609 posts) -
You need to experience The Last of Us. The game will make you apreciate your family and life. Love, Live, The Godny Way.
#5 Posted by soulless4now (41377 posts) -

Slowly start interacting more with your family. You probably aren't really socially awkward, just quiet and reserved. I'm the same way in that aspect. Do simple things like say hi to someone at work if you see them around the office often. It'll get you to feel more comfortable in social situations. 

#6 Posted by BigB0ss13 (18 posts) -
[QUOTE="BigB0ss13"]

And I'm in my mid 20s living with my parents and siblings and I have absolutely no connection with my family at all.  When I see them I ignore them and when they try to talk to me I give them one word answers.  It was better when I was young however but only by a little bit.  Like I said now I have absolutely no connection with any family or anyone else.  If something bad happened to any of them I probably brush it off as if nothing happened. 

Growing up I was shy as f*** and never had any friends.  The kids at my school would be supportive and try to include me in their group of friends but I was still very quiet and weird too.  I'm also like this at work and it feels like everyone don't like me cause I'm weird/socially awkward and I'm pretty lucky to have that job cause of a family member knowing someone who can get me that job that don't pay much...I get less than $10 per hour after a few yrs

 

As a kid I didn't care about school and now I'm too lazy to go back to college.

 

Wtf is wrong with me and how can I get my situation better?  I feel super lonely and I don't know where to start.

Laihendi
Identify your behaviour that you dislike, and stop doing it. Identify what you want to do, what you have to do to be able to do it, and start doing those things. It is that simple. Laziness is a choice, not an excuse.

I probably shouldn't have said lazy. What I should have said is no matter how hard I tried in college in the 5 years I was there, I couldn't concentrate. I wanted to do good but I would just fail tests and I gave up
#7 Posted by br0kenrabbit (13033 posts) -

I feel super lonely and I don't know where to start.

BigB0ss13

2qkup36.jpg

^Social lubricant

 

#9 Posted by LZ71 (10288 posts) -
[QUOTE="Laihendi"] Identify your behaviour that you dislike, and stop doing it.

Always great advice courtesy of Lai.
#10 Posted by chaoscougar1 (36824 posts) -
Start smoking weed Seriously That helped me work through quite a few of my issues I saw everything from a different angle/light But, be patient Change so drastic won't happen overnight Been working at me for over 2 years now, and I'm still learning
#11 Posted by mjf249 (2856 posts) -
Go out and get your own place, build some relationships at work, go out with your co-workers/friends and socialize. Force yourself to do those things and your life will get better. Sitting around and not doing nothing feeling sorry for yourself isn't going to get you very far. Go out and experience life, you only live it once.
#12 Posted by travisstaggs (10538 posts) -

Feel good about yourself for having a job at least, because I've been searching for four months, had multiple interviews, and still no luck.

For everything else, just get out there more. It might be hard, but you've gotta pull yourself out of your "safe zone".

Like someone else said on here smoking weed might help that a little bit, but it's really just all up to you.

#13 Posted by hippiesanta (9884 posts) -
Be a lap dancer or make porn..... your adrenaline will increase and your confident will rise
#14 Posted by Nibroc420 (13567 posts) -

I'm still learningchaoscougar1

Lesson of the day: You've learned nothing.

#15 Posted by IdioticIcarus (2242 posts) -
I'm working through a similar situation myself. For me, I've been making baby steps, which is frustrating sometimes, but when I compare where I am now to were I was just a year ago, I'm in a leagues better situation. Leagues. That sounds weird. I think I used that wrong. But anyway, figure out something about yourself you want to change/improve on, and then try to make baby steps toward getting there. Don't downplay any improvement, no matter how small. Of course it is easier to type this out then to actually do it. I find seeing a counselor to be helpful for me.
#16 Posted by norm41x (669 posts) -

Get over the fact that you're a loser and do something about it. I was feeling like you were once. I'm 25 and still live with my pops, why? I simply can't afford to live alone. I don't use that as something to drag me down, I embrace it and work hard for my money. All I make is $9.75 an hour at the Home Depot working in the lot, that's a lot of labour work. The way I got through all that shit you're going through was that I was just sick of it. Said F**k that, and started changing who I was, because saying you can't talk to people, or can't gather the energy to do something is just you being a lazy a** and not trying to expand from your comfort zone. You're a loser because you want to be.

#17 Posted by Bloodseeker23 (8338 posts) -
Try something else new in your life, that works out the best for anyone.
#18 Posted by valium88 (4455 posts) -

[QUOTE="BigB0ss13"]

I feel super lonely and I don't know where to start.

br0kenrabbit

2qkup36.jpg

^Social lubricant

 

That is so, however alcohol may make otherwise anti-social people open up too much which can be troublesome for themselves the next day, since these people often analyze their own behaviour and alcohol may then cause more anxiety than good. I don't know if that is TC's experience, but if it is, moderate alcohol consumption may be wise. To the TC: Do something together as a family, positive experiences together is an arena for conversation on it's own, how positive you are is something YOU must work on however. Is there any posibilities of sosial "get together" in your work environment? That may also be something worth exploring. Go out of your shell of comfort and explore is what you should do no matter what path you choose. New people can be hard to interract with I imagine, but you can make a new impression of your self everytime with new people, you'll get better everytime, trying slowly produce result and is progress, not social-defeat.

#19 Posted by V3rciS (2215 posts) -

why don't you try to actually talk to people... I mean invite someone for a drink at your place or I dunno. Try to socialize mate...

#20 Posted by fierro316 (1670 posts) -

You need to speak to a profesional and most likely he will prescribe anti-depressants. I was very much like you and anti-depressants are a life changer.

#21 Posted by Kenny789 (10247 posts) -
Really not much I can say except "make an effort to socialize then". You've assessed yourself of all these traits that you don't seem to like and that's one positive step but the next step would have to be to change. Try interacting with your family and friends. Small talk with family or asking friends to go out and just catch up and chat is a nice small step forward. If you feel you just can't change yourself then maybe you should go see a professional about it.
#22 Posted by MuD3 (1279 posts) -

well, since it's blog time:

 

sounds almost exactly like myself... by some miracle i got married and now i'm still the same, her and one good friend are the only people i am not awkward with.

we had a kid... she sucked at being a house wife, working gave me sever depression, we switched roles and everyone is happy now....

it was all luck really... don't think there is anything you can really do except force yourself to be around people and hope you get lucky. I met my wife and good friend because there was a girl in my high school drawing class who was interested with my awkwardness and forced conversations with me... my wife was her best friend, my best friend was her boyfriend. 

#23 Posted by sukraj (23023 posts) -

You need to experience The Last of Us. The game will make you apreciate your family and life. Love, Live, The Godny Way.heeweesRus

yeah i think he should play the game.

#24 Posted by Chicken453 (2038 posts) -
[QUOTE="BigB0ss13"]

And I'm in my mid 20s living with my parents and siblings and I have absolutely no connection with my family at all.  When I see them I ignore them and when they try to talk to me I give them one word answers.  It was better when I was young however but only by a little bit.  Like I said now I have absolutely no connection with any family or anyone else.  If something bad happened to any of them I probably brush it off as if nothing happened. 

Growing up I was shy as f*** and never had any friends.  The kids at my school would be supportive and try to include me in their group of friends but I was still very quiet and weird too.  I'm also like this at work and it feels like everyone don't like me cause I'm weird/socially awkward and I'm pretty lucky to have that job cause of a family member knowing someone who can get me that job that don't pay much...I get less than $10 per hour after a few yrs

 

As a kid I didn't care about school and now I'm too lazy to go back to college.

 

Wtf is wrong with me and how can I get my situation better?  I feel super lonely and I don't know where to start.

Laihendi
Identify your behaviour that you dislike, and stop doing it. Identify what you want to do, what you have to do to be able to do it, and start doing those things. It is that simple. Laziness is a choice, not an excuse.

For once I agree with Lai.
#25 Posted by Angie7F (1120 posts) -

Why do you feel that you need to socialize?

I know it seems that society lables you as a loser if you are not popular and attractive, but it is actually a miconception.

You can live a secluded life and be totally happy, confident and successful.

#26 Posted by LJS9502_basic (151346 posts) -
Seek professional help.....
#27 Posted by gamingqueen (31076 posts) -

It's not a matter of socializing and not socializing, you can feel lonely even if you were surrounded by a million. You need to look for the things that make you happy and stick to them. Whether those things are the company of others or just sitting by yourself and reading a book, writing, drawing or even playing games. I'm very antisocial myself but that will change once I move out. 

#28 Posted by FrostyPhantasm (8521 posts) -
[QUOTE="LZ71"][QUOTE="Laihendi"] Identify your behaviour that you dislike, and stop doing it.

Always great advice courtesy of Lai.

That's all we can pretty much say though.. I've had experiences with the type of guy that blames their personality or themselves for never having a girlfriend and being unattractive by the age of 28. I've seen people give him every possible piece of advice but he brushes it off as it's "out of his control".
#29 Posted by Postmortem123 (7704 posts) -

I'm pretty similar, though I've come to accept that it's just the way things are going to be.

#30 Posted by chaoscougar1 (36824 posts) -

[QUOTE="chaoscougar1"] I'm still learningNibroc420

Lesson of the day: You've learned nothing.

Jon Snow

#31 Posted by MissLibrarian (9589 posts) -

All the big changes in life start with a little one. Try and have conversations with your family, or maybe try playing some family games or go on outings with them, or start a new club or hobby. You don't need to change and do it all at once, you just need to try one new thing, more will follow after.

#32 Posted by fierro316 (1670 posts) -

"Try harder to socialize", "be stronger, have more guts" is not going to help. It's most likely a sickness and only a professional is going to get him out.

#33 Posted by chaoscougar1 (36824 posts) -

"Try harder to socialize", "be stronger, have more guts" is not going to help. It's most likely a sickness and only a professional is going to get him out.

fierro316
Don't be a cvnt
#34 Posted by fierro316 (1670 posts) -

[QUOTE="fierro316"]

"Try harder to socialize", "be stronger, have more guts" is not going to help. It's most likely a sickness and only a professional is going to get him out.

chaoscougar1

Don't be a cvnt

Why?

#35 Posted by Aljosa23 (25106 posts) -

"Try harder to socialize", "be stronger, have more guts" is not going to help. It's most likely a sickness and only a professional is going to get him out.

fierro316

What he said. ^

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Learned_helplessness

#36 Posted by chaoscougar1 (36824 posts) -

[QUOTE="chaoscougar1"][QUOTE="fierro316"]

"Try harder to socialize", "be stronger, have more guts" is not going to help. It's most likely a sickness and only a professional is going to get him out.

fierro316

Don't be a cvnt

Why?

Because
#37 Posted by shellcase86 (1934 posts) -

I fell ya. You just have to reach a point where you want to open up. Sometimes a significant other can help you get closer to your family, try dating. Otherwise, ask them more about their day, ask your parents what do they do when they go to work. Do some volunteering.

#38 Posted by govermentcheese (740 posts) -

My opinion this is a troll thread. You just put your hook in the water to see how many people will bite.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KqbNvhLlYtA

#39 Posted by m25105 (3135 posts) -

First, stop posting here. Get out, get some sun, start doing something that's physical. Whether it's Karate, Jogging, Weightlifting, Boxing, Judo, whatever. Just do something with your body. You'll feel better, healthier and thus gain confidence as well as the necassary d vitamins. Eat healthy as well, and no you don't have to eat like some fairy, you can eat meat, just make sure you burn it off too.

 

Next, a "No" from a girl, isn't the end of the world. There's 3 billion women out there, THERE IS ONE for you. Be confident, nothing turns a woman off more than a man who isn't confident in himself.

Don't let it stress that you live with your parents if it makes sense for you financially, but you should start looking to move out when you're able to do so.

#40 Posted by chaoscougar1 (36824 posts) -

My opinion this is a troll thread. You just put your hook in the water to see how many people will bite.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KqbNvhLlYtA

govermentcheese
Irony
#41 Posted by punkpunker (3321 posts) -

get out of your comfort zone for once.

#42 Posted by LJS9502_basic (151346 posts) -
[QUOTE="Laihendi"][QUOTE="BigB0ss13"]

And I'm in my mid 20s living with my parents and siblings and I have absolutely no connection with my family at all.  When I see them I ignore them and when they try to talk to me I give them one word answers.  It was better when I was young however but only by a little bit.  Like I said now I have absolutely no connection with any family or anyone else.  If something bad happened to any of them I probably brush it off as if nothing happened. 

Growing up I was shy as f*** and never had any friends.  The kids at my school would be supportive and try to include me in their group of friends but I was still very quiet and weird too.  I'm also like this at work and it feels like everyone don't like me cause I'm weird/socially awkward and I'm pretty lucky to have that job cause of a family member knowing someone who can get me that job that don't pay much...I get less than $10 per hour after a few yrs

 

As a kid I didn't care about school and now I'm too lazy to go back to college.

 

Wtf is wrong with me and how can I get my situation better?  I feel super lonely and I don't know where to start.

Chicken453
Identify your behaviour that you dislike, and stop doing it. Identify what you want to do, what you have to do to be able to do it, and start doing those things. It is that simple. Laziness is a choice, not an excuse.

For once I agree with Lai.

Terrible advice. If it were so easy....he'd have done it. There is probably something else going on with him and it wouldn't hurt to seek a professional.
#43 Posted by maheo30 (5102 posts) -

And I'm in my mid 20s living with my parents and siblings and I have absolutely no connection with my family at all.  When I see them I ignore them and when they try to talk to me I give them one word answers.  It was better when I was young however but only by a little bit.  Like I said now I have absolutely no connection with any family or anyone else.  If something bad happened to any of them I probably brush it off as if nothing happened. 

Growing up I was shy as f*** and never had any friends.  The kids at my school would be supportive and try to include me in their group of friends but I was still very quiet and weird too.  I'm also like this at work and it feels like everyone don't like me cause I'm weird/socially awkward and I'm pretty lucky to have that job cause of a family member knowing someone who can get me that job that don't pay much...I get less than $10 per hour after a few yrs

 

As a kid I didn't care about school and nowit's probably a bad idea to go back to college cause I did bad in college too.

 

Wtf is wrong with me and how can I get my situation better?  I feel super lonely and I don't know where to start.

BigB0ss13
I am the same way. I'll suggest to you the same thing that has been suggested to me. Trying getting out of your comfort zone. Try taking cooking lessons or getting into martial arts or becoming involved in an investment club. I'm just throwing things out there, but do something that involves social activity in a group. You may never be a social person, but you can become better at it. Trying speaking with people at work. Ask how their day is going. Make a purposeful decision to speak with someone you don't know.
#44 Posted by 2saugat (1439 posts) -

If you are here for self-pity then no one can help you. If you truly want to change yourself then get a job where you are forced to socalized. ie., cashier. Just start small talk every time you have the opprtunity. When someone says whats up? don't say nothing much..make something up if you really have to. Just continue the conversation. Also don't give into PUA bullsh*t.

#45 Posted by _BlueDuck_ (11986 posts) -

It's never too late to reconnect with your family. Seeing as you live with them, they must be supportive of you in some sense, and you'll have ample opportunity to spend time with them. Honestly, explaining to your family how you're feeling about your current situation in the same way you explained it to us here could be very helpful.

Simple first steps of asking your mother/father/sibling "How was your day?", and being genuinely interested in their answer can go a long way. Help them out with things. They will appreciate it and you will feel good yourself about it. Gives you an excuse to spend time with your family when otherwise you might not be sure of what you'd do together.

A lot of the time I'll spend with my father is us helping one another out with chores. I'll go over to his place and help him stack wood, and he'll come over to my place and help out with some small carpentry projects, things like that. Those things aren't really "fun" per se, but they help us stay close.

In general with social interaction, remember two things:

Try be interesting; have things to talk about that people can both relate to and find in some way unique. Everyone can talk about their favorite TV show and video game, what else can you bring to the table? This usually means you need to actually get out and do things outside of your comfort zone, experience new things, have hobbies, and so on.

People love to talk about themselves. If you are having trouble with conversations, remember that. Conversations are usually set up so both people can tell their own story in a mutually beneficial way. This again means givng people the opportunity to tell you things, asking questions, and listening and genuinely caring (or at least appearing to care) about what they have to say.

#46 Posted by alim298 (1465 posts) -

Get a wife

#47 Posted by mrbojangles25 (31997 posts) -

Concerning my shyness, I got a job interacting with people.  It was not exactly retail, more like pouring beer for people and talking to them.  I heard retail can make you hate people, but either way, a job interacting with people will make you better at dealing with them and getting over your shyness.

I would recommend therapy and possibly psychiatry and medication.  Helped me bunches.

#48 Posted by lamprey263 (24125 posts) -
I just assumed the same went for everyone here.
#49 Posted by TacticaI (883 posts) -

Tell your parents to get you professional help, better if you get into group therapy and are able to talk/share/listen with people who are going through a similar struggle. Someone who isn't going through it will not be able to suddenly shift your perspective, but recognizing that there is a problem, and that it's not with the people around you, is a huge step forward.

#50 Posted by Nibroc420 (13567 posts) -

[QUOTE="Nibroc420"]

[QUOTE="chaoscougar1"] I'm still learningchaoscougar1

Lesson of the day: You've learned nothing.

Jon Snow

Ahaha Jon Snow, in the Snow?