How many people feel like they live to please their parents?

This topic is locked from further discussion.

Posted by Game__Raider (4619 posts) 1 year, 4 months ago

Poll: How many people feel like they live to please their parents? (26 votes)

Yes, I constantly feel pressure to follow their hopes for me. 15%
No, I go my own way. I think my career and decisions are pretty independent. 85%

So let me explain what I mean here. How many people feel like they are constantly pressured by their parents to follow the path they want to set for them? This has been on my mind lately and it's never felt more true. I love my parents to death and they do so much for me such as pay for my schooling, support my athletic endeavors, and are always there when I need advice. But for some reason it feels like I am living the life they want to see me have and not the one I want.

I was just curious if other people felt that because their parents were paying for their college tuition or really for any reason, that they felt their parents controlled them somewhat. My one thing I never want to do is to disappoint my parents after how much they have done for me but the current major I am in is uninteresting to me and it feels like the only reason I put up with it is so my parents will be proud of me.

I remember after I got hurt and decided to step down from my athletics teams freshmen year of college how disappointed my dad was in me for not toughing it out. I know he said that it was fine but I could tell it wasn't. I mean I have dreams that I always have wanted to pursue, albeit ones that seem very unlikely, but my parents seem to think its not going to prove fruitful in my endeavors to be successful. But to me it feels more like they have a skewed view of success. I don't measure success in the salary cap I make or the model of the car I drive, but in if I am truly happy with what I am doing. And it just seems like that is out of reach for me.

So, what are your alls thoughts on your parents?

/blogspot

#1 Posted by Fightingfan (38011 posts) -

My mother knows when I want to do something there's nothing she can do, and while I always appreciate her input, I eventually do what I want.

#2 Posted by Makhaidos (2162 posts) -

As far as career goes, I'm independent. However, I have a degree in psychology and work as a case manager, and have a. . .difficult sibling, so my family puts a lot of inappropriate pressure on my shoulders to use my "expertise" (as if) to put him in line.

#3 Edited by br0kenrabbit (13351 posts) -

I usually don't even consult my parents before making a decision. When I turned 18 I set out on my own, and 20 years later I'm glad I got to make my own mistakes.

Don't get bent out of shape about being happy, that's not how life works. You find happiness in-between the shit you have to do, not in the shit you have to do.

#4 Posted by Game__Raider (4619 posts) -

My mother didn't go to college and its just always seemed as if she is trying to live her life through me. Every time I was in the car with them in high school before I moved away she would always be like "Oh I think you'd be a fantastic doctor," or even "Oh well you should really be an engineer. You are so good with numbers and imaginative thinking." I am currently a Biomedical Engineer major in my 3rd year and I don't enjoy it. I am doing well in school but it just seems like something I'm not going to wake up and look forward to doing every day.

I'd much rather pursue other goals of mine individually but I can't bear to see my parents upset with any decisions they think "aren't in my best interests." It's impossible to explain to them or I would have pursued it a long time ago.

#5 Posted by Master_Live (15404 posts) -

Once I did tc...

@Fightingfan said:

My mother knows when I want to do something there's nothing she can do, and while I always appreciate her input, I eventually do what I want.

^^^And now I do this.

#6 Posted by thegerg (15771 posts) -

I don't know.

#7 Posted by Game__Raider (4619 posts) -

I guess my whole thing is my parents, especially mother, take things to a whole new level. I can understand why she wants to be so involved in my life, seeing as before me and my sister she had trouble having kids, but now it seems like she is using that as an excuse to dictate my actions and if you all knew how impossible it is to change her mind about something you would understand why I struggle to just be very upfront with her and to just go own with my life and change course.

#8 Posted by cain006 (8625 posts) -

@Game__Raider said:

My mother didn't go to college and its just always seemed as if she is trying to live her life through me. Every time I was in the car with them in high school before I moved away she would always be like "Oh I think you'd be a fantastic doctor," or even "Oh well you should really be an engineer. You are so good with numbers and imaginative thinking." I am currently a Biomedical Engineer major in my 3rd year and I don't enjoy it. I am doing well in school but it just seems like something I'm not going to wake up and look forward to doing every day.

I'd much rather pursue other goals of mine individually but I can't bear to see my parents upset with any decisions they think "aren't in my best interests." It's impossible to explain to them or I would have pursued it a long time ago.

Might as well tough out the last couple years and then do what you want. An engineering degree is great basically regardless of what you want to do.

#9 Posted by Barbariser (6761 posts) -

Probably hundreds of millions of people at least.

#10 Posted by Fightingfan (38011 posts) -

@Game__Raider said:

I guess my whole thing is my parents, especially mother, take things to a whole new level. I can understand why she wants to be so involved in my life, seeing as before me and my sister she had trouble having kids, but now it seems like she is using that as an excuse to dictate my actions and if you all knew how impossible it is to change her mind about something you would understand why I struggle to just be very upfront with her and to just go own with my life and change course.

Just do whatever you want, but within reason.

I'm not saying go smoke pot, get wasted, and mail the president some creatine in an envelope....

But like.... if you want to drop out of school, and be a fire fighter do it. Don't advance into something you don't like - you'll probably end up miserable.

#11 Posted by theothernormal (90 posts) -

I do what I want!

#12 Posted by Game__Raider (4619 posts) -

@Fightingfan said:

@Game__Raider said:

I guess my whole thing is my parents, especially mother, take things to a whole new level. I can understand why she wants to be so involved in my life, seeing as before me and my sister she had trouble having kids, but now it seems like she is using that as an excuse to dictate my actions and if you all knew how impossible it is to change her mind about something you would understand why I struggle to just be very upfront with her and to just go own with my life and change course.

Just do whatever you want, but within reason.

I'm not saying go smoke pot, get wasted, and mail the president some creatine in an envelope....

But like.... if you want to drop out of school, and be a fire fighter do it. Don't advance into something you don't like - you'll probably end up miserable.

Hahaha. No, no when I say pursue goals I don't mean I want to be able to do drugs and and drink every day and be free. To be completely honest my life's goal is to be an actor. Like I said astronomically low odds and very unlikely to happen but I like to think I am quite good at my craft and I spend more time researching character traits and reports on different psychological characteristics of certain people during my free time so when it comes down to auditioning I have confidence that I understand the character. I've never once spent hours researching Free Body Diagrams or Moment equations in my spare time because it doesn't interest me.

As I said on my comment about success above, I'd be happier attending a liberal arts/acting college because it's what I love, and if the most I ever achieved was some Off-Broadway credits with a stable salary to support me than I would be content because it's what my passion is. I just get all giddy and feel like a child on Christmas morning when I am on stage or behind a camera because I know this is what I love. It's partly why I am spending a good portion of my Thanksgiving break practicing and filming my audition tape for Star Wars: Episode VII in my free-time instead of just sleeping and relaxing like most college kids.

#13 Posted by ernie1989 (8547 posts) -

I think that at one point, I lived my life in such a manner. But that's something I wasn't conscious of.

These days, it's as if my entire existence disappoints my parents on most levels. Not that it was something I had intentions of doing; nor is it their fault. Most people would see it that way. It's something that has strained the relationship to a degree that makes most moments spent with them awkward.

It's far from what I had imagined for myself when I graduated high school and sometimes I miss those moments I used to have with them. The damage is done, however, and I've learned how to live with what I have now.

Anyways. It sounds like they mean well and maybe you could reach, at the very least, a middle ground through a serious talk. In any case, I highly recommend you learn to appreciate what you already have even while going for more because there's no guarantee that you're going to get what you're going for.

#14 Posted by ShepardCommandr (3210 posts) -

My parents live to please me.

#15 Posted by Game__Raider (4619 posts) -

@ernie1989 said:

I think that at one point, I lived my life in such a manner. But that's something I wasn't conscious of.

These days, it's as if my entire existence disappoints my parents on most levels. Not that it was something I had intentions of doing; nor is it their fault. Most people would see it that way. It's something that has strained the relationship to a degree that makes most moments spent with them awkward.

It's far from what I had imagined for myself when I graduated high school and sometimes I miss those moments I used to have with them. The damage is done, however, and I've learned how to live with what I have now.

Anyways. It sounds like they mean well and maybe you could reach, at the very least, a middle ground through a serious talk. In any case, I highly recommend you learn to appreciate what you already have even while going for more because there's no guarantee that you're going to get what you're going for.

It's nice to see someone who has more of an understanding of what I am going through. I understand that I should be appreciative of what I have, and as I have said in earlier posts I completely am. My parents have done more for me than I can ever repay which is why this "conversation" I have long since dreamed of having with them has never come to fruition.

It's not about wanting more and feeling like I don't have enough. It's more about being in a career field, albeit one as unlikely as film or theater, that I have a passion for and can see myself happy doing. It's never been about doing something for the money or the notoriety. I of all people know how hard and difficult it is to achieve the goals you set out for yourself, and to get involved in an industry with so many prospects. But as the cheesy cliche line goes, "You only live once." I just don't want to look back years from now wishing I had done more. Which is partly why I have started sending in a few audition tapes. I just wish my parents could see that. Their viewpoint on it is completely skewed.

#16 Posted by Jd1680a (5954 posts) -

Yes. Sometimes I would get pressured for doing something that they wouldn't want to do themselves. Example, last year I wanted to buy another car I liked better then my older one. The car was used with 32,000 miles on it and there wasn't anything mechanically wrong with only a few minor dents. I wanted the buy the car, but I got really heckled because they wanted me to buy a brand new car. I stuck to my guns and bought the car I wanted even with the pressure.

#17 Posted by Jimn_tonic (914 posts) -

no. my parents were not the least bit over-bearing, and easy to please.

#18 Posted by HuggyBear1020 (467 posts) -

Never met my dad, and my mom was too busy getting high on coke to ever give a damn about me, so I can't say this applies to me.

#19 Posted by foxhound_fox (90297 posts) -

I moved out ages ago.

#20 Posted by jun_aka_pekto (16999 posts) -

Did you even talk to your folks about what your educational goals are? If you didn't, then they'll decide for you.

Decide your goals. Then make a plan that you can lay out (figuratively) for them to look over.

#21 Posted by Nibroc420 (13567 posts) -

@ShepardCommandr said:

My parents live to please me.

With that avatar, i lol'd.

#22 Posted by Treflis (11713 posts) -

I used to feel like that and try to please them at all times but as I got older I pretty much learned to not care what they or others though.

Granted I take it under consideration but if I go against them then I stand by the choice.

#23 Edited by magicalclick (23483 posts) -

Yes and no. They can be over controlling sometimes. But, looking back, it is probably for the better.

#24 Posted by thegerg (15771 posts) -

I'd bet at least 20 do.

#25 Posted by dave123321 (34303 posts) -

@thegerg: no one cares about the number of people who do.

#26 Posted by -TheSecondSign- (9228 posts) -

I joined the Marines against their suggestions and now I'm looking at a career in nursing, despite the fact that they now want me to stay in.

My dad wants me to stay in or become a cop, I have no interest in police work anymore.

#27 Edited by GrayF0X786 (4004 posts) -

i live for many reasons, for my loved ones and myself.

#28 Posted by -Renegade (8340 posts) -

they just want whats best for you and try to lead you down a path that they wish they would have taken. dont live for others live for yourself.

#29 Posted by Gibsonsg527 (3313 posts) -

To a degree yes, I just want to be successful and have them say that they are proud of me of my accomplishments.

#30 Posted by hippiesanta (9976 posts) -

I choose Number two ......... but my parents keep on hunting me down....... like an interpol police