#1 Posted by BrunetteGuard07 (610 posts) -

I don't really know what kind of help I expect by asking this here, but since this is the 'off-topic' section of the forums, though still somewhat related to gaming...I'm gonna give it a shot. Perhaps there are other gaming couples that lurk on these forums and have some experience.

Anyway, my bf and I are both gamers and that's how we met each other (2 years ago). We've enjoyed playing many coop games together, and working on getting platinum for them. Once in awhile though, competitiveness strikes. It's seems that I'm never allowed to win for one thing, otherwise he becomes a downer and makes comments like "I suck at this game" etc. He said once that it makes him feel he is not good enough, or that he is stupid when he doesn't understand something but I do. I think it would be worse to not be myself and let him win. He accused me before of letting him win when I didn't, and he didn't believe me. In one game, he would go back after we were done playing, and intentionally try and beat my scores. I couldn't believe it bothered him so much. I used to be more competitive years ago, but nowadays I don't bother because I don't want to get into an argument or anything.

He also has this weird thing about getting revenge. He says if he saw me playing a game with other people, that he would intentionally play without me. It's Rock Band, not like a leveling up game or anything. I honestly wouldn't give a crap if he did, but I still don't because I don't want to argue. Because of this, I don't get to play with certain online friends anymore. Yesterday we were playing Rock Band and I unintentionally picked a song that was difficult (he has a 97% on it though so I assumed he could handle it.). When it was my turn, he picked a very hard song that he knew I would fail at, and I would have a few times if it wasn't for no-fail mode (I got an 82%). This 'act of revenge' upset me and I didn't want to talk to him afterwards.

TL:DR Should I be angry at my bf? How do you deal with competitiveness from your SO?

#2 Posted by Master_Live (13657 posts) -

I don't really know what kind of help I expect by asking this here, but since this is the 'off-topic' section of the forums, though still somewhat related to gaming...I'm gonna give it a shot. Perhaps there are other gaming couples that lurk on these forums and have some experience.

Anyway, my bf and I are both gamers and that's how we met each other (2 years ago). We've enjoyed playing many coop games together, and working on getting platinum for them. Once in awhile though, competitiveness strikes. It's seems that I'm never allowed to win for one thing, otherwise he becomes a downer and makes comments like "I suck at this game" etc. He said once that it makes him feel he is not good enough, or that he is stupid when he doesn't understand something but I do. I think it would be worse to not be myself and let him win. He accused me before of letting him win when I didn't, and he didn't believe me. In one game, he would go back after we were done playing, and intentionally try and beat my scores. I couldn't believe it bothered him so much. I used to be more competitive years ago, but nowadays I don't bother because I don't want to get into an argument or anything.

He also has this weird thing about getting revenge. He says if he saw me playing a game with other people, that he would intentionally play without me. It's Rock Band, not like a leveling up game or anything. I honestly wouldn't give a crap if he did, but I still don't because I don't want to argue. Because of this, I don't get to play with certain online friends anymore. Yesterday we were playing Rock Band and I unintentionally picked a song that was difficult (he has a 97% on it though so I assumed he could handle it.). When it was my turn, he picked a very hard song that he knew I would fail at, and I would have a few times if it wasn't for no-fail mode (I got an 82%). This 'act of revenge' upset me and I didn't want to talk to him afterwards.

TL:DR Should I be angry at my bf? How do you deal with competitiveness from your SO?

Should you be angry at your boyfriend? Angry? I think you should leave him. At least twice in your story you said you stopped doing things to avoid arguments but the cake goes to "I don't get to play with certain online friends anymore". What the hell is that? That isn't healthy.

#3 Edited by Korvus (2459 posts) -

When I'm playing games with my wife, as long as it's co-op it's fine but when it's competitive (whether it's video games or board games) sometimes it gets a bit awkward because although she is a very gracious loser she can be a very sore winner; so we're having fun, I win, she says "well done", I say thank you and we keep going. If she wins sometimes she goes "Ha, all that and you still managed to lose" or "Really? That was too easy"; it doesn't make me angry but it kills the fun a bit; that's just how things were when she played with her family so the habit stayed, but she's getting better about it and it almost never happens anymore.

But there's a huge difference between a not-so-nice remark and "revenge" or preventing you from playing with friends. That's a teenager's attitude and you should really talk to him about it, because more likely than not that sort of attitude, if left unchecked, will spread to more aspects of your relationship.

#4 Edited by GazaAli (22491 posts) -

I find this topic very insulting and offensive; it takes the whole "first world problem" to a whole new level.

I'd like to suggest to you that you tell your pansy of a boyfriend to grow up. I wonder if his performance in bed is affected by his CoD K/D ratio. But seriously, if this behavior has persisted for some time, you definitely need to have a serious talk with him. I will not tell you to leave him for I do not know what the guy means to you and I'm unaware of his virtues and pros. However, he seems to be wanting in the maturity and security department and if you value the relationship high enough then you will need to get him to work on that and possibly help him with it or else it will continue to fester and will be eventually the undoing of what the two of you share whether consciously or unconsciously. These things can appear trivial and benign at first sight, but trust me, they can bring about the demise of what would have been a long lasting fruitful and valuable relationship or social tie. They are expressions of much deeper character flaws and defects.

#5 Posted by Master_Live (13657 posts) -

Very insulting and offensive eh? Weak. First world problems are still problem (sometimes), who gives a shit if a kid in Uganda or Mississippi doesn't have them. This attitude of trying to minimized others (apparent/ perceived) problems is annoying, if you think the thread is unworthy of your time then get the fuck out.

#6 Edited by BrunetteGuard07 (610 posts) -

I know it was fueled by revenge because after I was done playing the song. I asked him if I did something wrong that he picked such a hard song. He said "Well I wasn't so happy about the song you picked for me". I told him I thought he was being childish, and he laughed at me and disagreed. Then he couldn't believe how angry I was getting at him! "Are you really so angry about this?" he commented. The last thing I said was "Getting back at me may make you happy, but no good comes from it..it's just causing more pain". He never said anything else and we haven't talked to each other yet.

How exactly am I supposed to help him? I've noticed how insecure he is becoming, and I've almost had enough of it. :(

#7 Edited by billy503 (22 posts) -

@korvus said:

When I'm playing games with my wife, as long as it's co-op it's fine but when it's competitive (whether it's video games or board games) sometimes it gets a bit awkward because although she is a very gracious loser she can be a very sore winner; so we're having fun, I win, she says "well done", I say thank you and we keep going. If she wins sometimes she goes "Ha, all that and you still managed to lose" or "Really? That was too easy"; it doesn't make me angry but it kills the fun a bit; that's just how things were when she played with her family so the habit stayed, but she's getting better about it and it almost never happens anymore.

But there's a huge difference between a not-so-nice remark and "revenge" or preventing you from playing with friends. That's a teenager's attitude and you should really talk to him about it, because more likely than not that sort of attitude, if left unchecked, will spread to more aspects of your relationship.

i agree with @korvus in everything he said , you should definetly talk to him about this , because all of this attitude of his is really not good for a relationship , try reasoning with him and telling him that this Revenge thing is really bothering you and try to have fun while gaming with each other and benifitingand learning from each others failures and success.

and about not letting you play with some online friends, thats being selfish and unsocial i guess, you need onine friends to have online communities and have more fun in the gaming part .

and best wishes to you

#8 Edited by GazaAli (22491 posts) -

I know it was fueled by revenge because after I was done playing the song. I asked him if I did something wrong that he picked such a hard song. He said "Well I wasn't so happy about the song you picked for me". I told him I thought he was being childish, and he laughed at me and disagreed. Then he couldn't believe how angry I was getting at him! "Are you really so angry about this?" he commented. The last thing I said was "Getting back at me may make you happy, but no good comes from it..it's just causing more pain". He never said anything else and we haven't talked to each other yet.

How exactly am I supposed to help him? I've noticed how insecure he is becoming, and I've almost had enough of it. :(

Well the question is, how much do you value what you two share? How long have you been together? What are your ages?

#9 Edited by Lulu_Lulu (8611 posts) -

Your Boy Friend is a baby But most men are anyway so don't worry about that.

The bigger issue here is Game design trying to penetrate relationship dynamics. Even the most co-dependent of co-op games suffer from this.

This is a big issue in President Evil 5 because teamwork is far more effective here than trying to wing it solo. The Gameplay is so co-operative... But then comes the Results screen after everychapter and it evaluates each player's performance seperately and then makes things worse by comparing them side by side. All that teambuilding gameplay goes down the toilet when the game exposes whos doing more work and whos just dead weight. It also doesn't track how effcective you are as a team, and thats just wrong.

Another is Giving Both Players the Same set of Tools to Accomplish the Same goal because then in this scenario you become more independ than co-dependent. This is the Problem with Games like Pikmin 3 where two players are no longer joined to the hip so they can go off in Seperate directions and collect fruit on their own. Thats not really co-operation... Thats just two people doing their own thing for the same reasons, its 2 Player Mode but not Co-op so competition is inevitable. To some extent 2D platformers like Super Mario Brothers also have this problem, ironically Sonic Didn't, because Two-tails and Sonic have one ability unique to them selves and works great when used simultaneously.

Then you have another variation of that same Problem in co-op puzzle games, namely in Portal 2's co-op campaign. See, Puzzles don't like sharing, only one person can arrive to a conclusion at a time. Theres no way to syncronize the players so that they arrive at a conclusion simultaneously, this leads to another situation where player 1 has all the fun arriving to conclusions 1st and Player 2 just following player 1's orders in order to complete the puzzles. Theres no side activities for player 1 to do while player 2 tries to arrive to the same conclusion between even if there was... It undermines player 2's self esteem, add to the fact Glados is throwing insults while this is happening and things will turn ugly really fast.

So to Summarize: Co-Op Dynamics are a major pain in the ass thanks to how insecure people are and how much games just don't get relationships.

#10 Edited by AmazonTreeBoa (16482 posts) -

Your BF has some major serious issues.

#11 Posted by RadecSupreme (4610 posts) -

I think both of you are incredibly immature. Sorry to be so honest but it's what I see. You seem to love making assumptions as much as he likes whining.

#12 Posted by thegerg (14416 posts) -

He sounds like a whiney bitch.

Anyway, this is something that you should ask HIM about, rather than a bunch of strangers online. It doesn't seem that this relationship is going anywhere if you can't have a simple conversation.

#13 Posted by k--m--k (994 posts) -

lucky bastard :'(

#14 Posted by XilePrincess (13103 posts) -

Your boyfriend sounds like a nutcase. Leave him, your relationship sounds INCREDIBLY unhealthy.

When my boyfriend and I play WoW together, we help each other. We don't get mad at each other or get unfriendly-competitive. We love each other, first and foremost, and there is no anger or aggression if we are competing for or at something. We always want to see the other person do well.

Your relationship sounds mentally abusive, he seems very controlling.

#15 Posted by always_explicit (2632 posts) -

I think you should submit to his desires totally and unquestionably. Its the only way to save your relationship and ensure your future happiness.

#16 Posted by airshocker (28343 posts) -

Boyfriend sounds like a tool. I wouldn't put up with someone acting like a child just because you won a game against him.

#17 Posted by jasean79 (2298 posts) -

The man is obviously a sore loser and has some issues with getting served by his girlfriend. Easiest thing you can do is to not play co-op anymore with him. Sounds like you both enjoy gaming, but he's a killjoy when you do it together. Relationship doesn't have to end like others say, but the gaming together should if you value your time with him and want to make it work. Baby steps.