My apologies if you used to be happy and then you continue reading it, you won't be for much longer.
First off short version:
My family got into a big fight because i was working really hard and my dad wanted me to work some more. I got really mad and my mom provoked me which ignighted many latent fires that I had burried from explosive arguements before. she threatened to call the police and eventually did, they came arrested me and my dad and now i'm spending three days with my aunt.
Now the long, really really long version:
I just got into a really huge fight with my family the other day. I had been planning a LAN party with some friends for about a month. I was originally going to have it near may 7th, but my mom wanted to put off because of mother's day, which is fine, she puts up with my crap enough so I owe her at least that much. Recently I had just spent the whole last weekend cleaning up the down stairs BY MYSELF. I had been a complete disaster for the past 4 years or so. It took A LOT of mental and physical energy out of me to get that all organized and squared away. I wanted to get it cleaned for the LAN party that was supposed to happen this Wednesday, I had spent a lot of energy thinking of how to make it fun for everyone, and how to unwhite-trash my house as much as possible. (I was hoping to have a girl over that I like who wanted to play as well and I didn't want to leave the wrong first impression). My dad had asked me to help him with a cabinet and then to put some camping stuff away, but I wanted to get this big project that was sucking up my energy done ASAP. I didn't think that he would start it with out me, and when he did I was a little disappointed. I had just helped him put the entire cabinet structure back onto a BIY office desk in my mom's room turned office, so I expected him to want to do it as a team. I eventually gave up on meticulously reorienting things and just started to put things anywhere, as long as they weren't in the zone that I had planned to clear for the LAN party. Eventually the whole downstairs was cleaned to my satisfaction and I called my parents down seeking affirmation from them about my triumph. I then went up stairs and asked for my XBOX 360 so that I could get the network setup and tested. My dad told me that I had to put the camping things away before I could get it. This made me quite a bit mad because I had just worked my tail end off getting a 4 year old mess that HE and my MOM had made. (this mess has been a sore spot for me for some time now, I've told them in no uncertain terms that I want them to deal with the useless junk that they have lying about, not only do they have the downstairs cluttered, but they spend $300 dollars a month, I think, on a storage shed for the rest of the crud. That's 300 dollars a month that they could not be in debt, that's 300 dollars a month that they could spend on themselves, that 300 dollars a month that they could spend on the house!) I had also helped him with the desk and would have helped him with the shelf if he hadn't started with out me.
I was drained, not enough to take a nap, but I just didn't want to work on another meticulous project for a while. I was fine with splitting my stuff from his, so that when I was done with setting my XBOX 360 I could easily come up and clean up my pile. Why couldn't he have just cooperated with my wishes? I was trying my best to cooperate with them because I didn't want to spoil my effort toward the LAN party. He stood by his decision and I was at a loss, I didn't want to turn it into an explosive argument, although I was VERY angry with him, so I sat down at my computer to think. I figured that I could just sit around and get angrier or I could do something with it and force myself to get it done. Like when you've slept in bed for a really long time and when you want to get up, you just can't. It takes a huge amount of will power to force your body to get out. So I jumped up and grabbed a bunch of the camping stuff from my pile planning to channel my anger into something productive. But my parents wouldn't let me do that, they started yelling at me and threatening me with "no more LAN party." That didn't help me, I was angry, trying to do something non destructive and they were egging me on. So I just ignored them and ran down stairs and dumped my load on the newly CLEANED floor. I wanted a larger space to spread out than the area between the front door and the couch. I returned upstairs and they continued to make matters worse by escalating the argument. Either my mom or dad (I'm pretty sure that it was my mom) said that it had to be done their way. I tried to reason with them some more that I was tired and wanted to do something fun, but they were set on getting the camping stuff cleaned. It had all been there for a few weeks, and we had the same problem with camping gear not being put away for a long time, but another hour and a half wouldn't have hurt anyone. I wanted to get away from them as fast as possible so I grabbed some more stuff and ran out the front door to get down stairs (we have a walk in basement). I then came back upstairs, my mistake, to get some more gear but my parents continued to perpetuate the argument. By now the threats were no matter because I was sure that I could just apologies and make things up and nothing would happen. But things started to escalate, they were bent on me doing it up stairs, apparently they thought that I was going to just jam everything into random spots in the camping storage area. This thought is ill concluded because if they had just taken the time to go downstairs and see that I was just laying the stuff on the floor, I would be in a totally different situation, I think. They just kept prodding me. Epically my mom, she was enraging me the most, I would say something and she would reply with more illogical crap, like threatening to call the police. I then yelled at her to leave, which only resulted in more crap, I then screamed at her to leave, multiple times, that I couldn't talk to her, that she was not helping me work this out. My dad was the only one that had a Simi-rational grasp on what was happening of my parents.
Now, to understand why this could have escalated to such a degree so quickly you must know the history of my family's arguments. When I was younger I guess that I was a little devil, so much so that my dad took us all to a family counselor. From that ordeal I agreed to try to keep calm during an argument (my parents would always tell me "normal tone of voice" so I tried to internalize that), and my parents made some compromises as well. My impressionable mind thought that I was the reason that simple arguments exploded into war. As years passed not much changed, except for the fact that I was determined to not be the cause for a family war. I began to pay close attention to who did what, even my self, as an argument escalated. From what I have noticed on multiple occasions, that my MOM is the first to escalate, I am keeping a normal tone of voice for the opening "sparring". I am not a psychologist, but I do study people a lot and I think that my mom cannot have an argument with at least her family without yelling. I may have a slight infliction in my voice, but for the most part it is mostly normal. I think that she takes my lack of yelling, as mockery. That is not the only thing that I have tried to quell an argument unsuccessfully. I have tried to escape the house, but they've followed me and threatened me with more punishments if I don't come back in. I've tried to retreat into my room, but they come in and continue in a confined space. I remember that my mom threatened to chop my door down with an axe, after she exploded on me for flicking the remaining laundry soap into the washing machine, which she interpreted as throwing it in (and to my memory it either hadn't left my hand, or accidentally slipped out, because THERE'S SOAP IN/ON IT!). I called the police then and all they did was make me feel like I was the reason that it turned into that. I know that driving while influenced by rage is not safe at all, but it would be better than the situation that I am in now. I could easily drive far away and cooled off, but at the old age of 17 I still don't have a car or even a license (if I just had a license, my parents probably would have reported the car stolen). These fights have mostly been stemmed from arguments over the computer, but my mom doesn't leave it to privileges, she harasses me even when it comes to simple things like food ("eat this, this is good" "no I don't like those" "yes you do, they're your favorite") to simple conversations where she doesn't understand me and I have to say it five times (by the third time I'm irritated so I just say it loud and she gets set off by that).
Anyway back to the most recent argument. After the twelfth or so time that I told her to leave I was beginning to become desperate, I knew that I needed to calm down, but she just wasn't letting me do that. I was not going to explode and throw things all over the house like I had done, I was trying my hardest to contain my self so that it would all blow over and I could have my LAN party as planned. All of the pestering, prodding, and poking from her that I had buried down before with nothing more than a **** or **** under my breath. Just a few days ago my mom had just confused me by asking me a question, and then when I tried to answer it to my best ability she kept cutting me off. I couldn't take it so I let out a "mother..." then I caught myself and finished it off with "...crapper." And true to her constant pattern of escalating an argument she corrected me and yelled "mother****er" at me. All of this was begging to burst, I was frantically trying to remove what ever was keeping me from calmness, HER! But she wouldn't leave, I was getting desperate. I suddenly grabbed a hiking stick and advanced toward her at first pointing the tip at her, I was thinking that if she won't leave on her own, I'll just give her a good reason to. Than I caught myself and thought, "I don't want to really do this," so I quickly moved the retracted pole to a blocking position rather than a spearing one since I was already moving forward. I never intended to make physical contact with her, just get her to leave.
I had only made physical contact with her once before in anger where I pushed her up against the upstairs sliding door (in the sunroom) and told her to stop because "I will destroy you, you have pushed me too far, do not do this again" I NEVER said that I would hurt her, I NEVER said that I would KILL her, NEVER. The only time that either my MOM or me got hurt was when my mom HIT me in an argument that I guess the must have been loosing. Back to the story, my dad then moved at me and pined me against the couch, and then on the floor, and spat in my face "do not come at my wife with a weapon" or something like that. I have no problem with that, he was defending her, natural and understandable. (He had pinned me once on the ground before and broke a rib, but I have never been hurt seriously by him) My DAD then told my mom to stay out of the argument, and my MOM agreed but she wanted to work on the shelf that my dad had just built. My DAD agreed and I didn't think that there was anything wrong. I then proceeded to have a normal parent child yelling match with my dad, it felt strangely natural, it was just me and him dueling it out like I had seen in TV, movies, even at my friend's house. The venom was gone, I was still angry no doubt, but I no longer felt hatred. Unfortunately that awkward bliss didn't last too long when I said something that my MOM didn't like and she just HAD to get back into the action. (This move on her part baffles me to no end, self preservation would tell me and at least, that once you have a way out of a war zone STAY OUT) Instantly I was back into my screaming mode again pointing to the new mom's room turned office screaming get out leave. She continued to provoke me and I screamed at her in words that I would not have used if I was in a more civilized state of mind. My DAD then pushed me against the couch, which was completely stupid because my MOM was the one who ruined the temporary, comparatively calm that we just had. I guess he then realized the actual cause of the problem and went after my mom to get her to go into the room. At some point my DAD told me to go to my room while I heard my MOM talking on the phone, with the police I guess. I sat in my room for a few minutes and then ventured out to hear my DAD yell-asking my MOM "why do you think it is ok to keep provoking him while he's in a rage?" or something like that. I went back in for a while, but came out soon because I wanted to get the camping stuff put away, but I still heard arguing and someone closed the door. I then went downstairs with the remaining camping stuff to finish up, but I didn't get far before one of the officers came down to ask me what happened.
For a while I thought that I have an anger problem, but now that I've hade time to think it over I do NOT have an anger problem. I am just a normal human being, I have a limit. My MOTHER had incessantly harassed me for many years, and she has thrown me over my limit too many times. I don't have a self control problem, I don't just have self control, I have EXTREME self control. If I did the things that I get an impulse to do, I would have been serving time for repeat sexual harassment, or have been hanging from a noose. I don't do these things because I think about them and then I stop my self just before I do it. You can ask all of the people that I know, they may say that I'm unpredictable; they may say that I'm crazy, but they WON'T say that I have an anger management problem. If my mom hadn't called the police, or they had just did what they did the last time they came over, my family, our family would not have been fractured. All that I want out of this whole ordeal is for my mom to STOP harassing me and nitpicking and egging me on when we have a disagreement. I'm sure that it will be hard for her to change, but I sure tried hard to and have successfully become a better person since that family counseling session.
All of this on top of loosing my very precious kitty cat is just too much for me to handle.
Any way the cort case is wedness day, that day that the LAN party (if you read the long version) should have been on. If you read this, I want to know what you think i should do have as close to this out come as possible.
I have my LAN party ASAP
My mom stops yelling at me
I don't have to do any community service crap
my family can get back togeather.
I want to give the "long version" to the judge or who ever prosides over my case as my only statement. could you tell me what i should take out or rework so that is as truthful, but "not harsh" as possible"
thanks for your time, really, this is a sensitive topic for me, but i have no one else to talk to other than the internet. my anut's no help
-ben+
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