Does it make me a bad person if....

#1 Edited by Zero5000X (8188 posts) -

I got my female friend pregnant who happens to be dating another guy. She wants to pass it off as his child, and even though I am opposed to that I am still going along with it. I've fought with her over this for months (she's seven months along), but she has pretty much said that if her boyfriend finds out the truth she is going to either give the kid up for adoption or just give it to me to raise alone. I don't think I can fight with her over this anymore, and I don't think I could raise a kid alone. Am I the bad guy in this? I feel like I've done all I can.

#2 Edited by LJS9502_basic (150326 posts) -

Not sure I believe this. Anyway how do you know the baby is yours and not his? Because if you know then he should know it's not his. And your friend is not a good person. Anyway....I don't believe any of this.

#4 Posted by Master_Live (14175 posts) -

You seek absolution from us. You know the right thing to do but don't want to because apparently it would become your problem. If all you care is about you then say nothing and deal with it. If not, do the right thing and deal with the problem. And yes, you are being a bad guy in this situation and you know it. You just need a nudge.

#5 Edited by SambaLele (5181 posts) -

Personally, I do think both of you are "bad guys" for not opening up the issue to the man that's going to ultimately raise the kid. It's not a good thing for the kid also (imo), since one day he may discover that by accident (this kind of thing happens), and it can be harmful to the kid.

But the issue of this being "good" or "bad" is not important. You should do what you feel is right. What's the best for all parts involved, especially the kid, that's got nothing to do with all that.

#6 Edited by Nengo_Flow (9510 posts) -

If i was in your situation, I would just tell her to give me the kid and I'll raise it alone.

She's being selfish. She wants to fool the guy so she can keep the guy. And she already said she doesnt want the baby if the guy isnt with her, so that tells you right there that she isnt fit to be a mother and you must save that baby's life.

What i would do is tell the guy to get a paternity test. Dont tell the guy nothing about it was you and she cheated on him, nothing. Just tell the guy to highly consider a paternity test.

Are you a bad guy... yeah sure, but at least you'll be trying to make it right. And dont beat yourself up and think you are so bad, remember, its her who is the horrible person here.

#7 Posted by Korvus (3206 posts) -

You seek absolution from us. You know the right thing to do but don't want to because apparently it would become your problem. If all you care is about you then say nothing and deal with it. If not, do the right thing and deal with the problem. And yes, you are being a bad guy in this situation and you know it. You just need a nudge.

I think this pretty much says it all.

#8 Posted by elkoldo (1011 posts) -

Not sure I believe this. Anyway how do you know the baby is yours and not his? Because if you know then he should know it's not his. And your friend is not a good person. Anyway....I don't believe any of this.

This.

However if by a %0.0001 chance it is true, then,.....Jesus.

#9 Posted by jsolidus (149 posts) -

not sure i believe this either, but as a female, I can tell you that the women you are with is scandalous and you should of never messed around with her. Its one thing to cheat, we all make mistakes, but she is wants to pass the kid onto another man and pretend its his? Then she not willing to raise the kid if the boyfriend finds out? Save this child because its going to have a hard life with this women, might even be abused. If you aren't willing to take care of it and I guessing you aren't, give it up to a couple that will appreciate it. Also, I would tell the boyfriend, he needs to know the truth and he might want to raise his kid, It could be his, you don't know. Both of you need to get a dna test, just in case either of you have a desire to raise the kid.

#10 Edited by ad1x2 (5505 posts) -

With a ten year old account that has 8,000 posts I can assume that you're not a troll (unless a troll hacked into your account to post this). But then again, I could be wrong.

Let's forget about how scandalous the fact that your female friend is for wanting to pass your child off as her boyfriend's child. Ask yourself the following questions:

  1. How does she know it is yours? Did you and her already do a DNA test? Were her boyfriend and her not intimate during the window of conception (if that is the case is he a dumbass for not figuring that out or was she feeding him false conception timing information)? If she cheated on him with you how do you know she also didn't cheat with other guys and one of them isn't the father?
  2. Do you look even remotely like her boyfriend? Granted, that doesn't automatically mean he would know right away but little things like blood types can blow his opinion that the kid is his out of the water.
  3. Would you want somebody as dishonest as her raising your child if she doesn't put the child up for adoption?
  4. If her boyfriend does fall for it and stays with her what is stopping her from coming back to you in five years with a court-ordered DNA test demanding five years of back child support?

You should also consider getting an STD test. If she is a cheater who slept with you without a condom who knows who else she has slept with without a condom and what they may gave her to pass along to you and her boyfriend.

#11 Posted by EasyComeEasyGo (584 posts) -

Well he can always get out if the Country and start a new life again. The girl will never find him if he leaves without a trace.

#12 Posted by XilePrincess (13126 posts) -

Tell him. She may be pissed at you and he's definitely going to be pissed, but if it's your kid you need to either agree with her to give it up for adoption or raise it. She obviously doesn't want this kid unless she can play house with her boyfriend. If this is true, this is YOUR kid. What kind of a life will it have with them? Probably not that great of one.

#13 Posted by magicalclick (22442 posts) -

You have to provide child support either way. Because this kid is half of your responsibly. The moment you two have sex, regardless it is protected sex or not, you two have the responsibility.

Of course, make sure that's really your kid if you don't want to be responsible. Because it sounds like she is quite a player.

#14 Posted by Iszdope (9656 posts) -

You're on an express elevator to hell...

Going down!

#15 Edited by lamprey263 (23152 posts) -

Are you a bad person? I don't have enough to go on. Did you do a bad thing? Yes. Now you have a choice and frankly I don't think I can be the one to tell you what the right course of action is on this one. If she wants her boyfriend to believe it's his, she is kind of cheating him into the obligation of raising him, but that'd also rob you of the ability to know the child and be a father to it. On the other hand, I've known a couple guys to be quite capable of raising kids on their own.

#16 Posted by MrGeezer (56125 posts) -

@jsolidus said:

not sure i believe this either, but as a female, I can tell you that the women you are with is scandalous and you should of never messed around with her. Its one thing to cheat, we all make mistakes, but she is wants to pass the kid onto another man and pretend its his? Then she not willing to raise the kid if the boyfriend finds out? Save this child because its going to have a hard life with this women, might even be abused. If you aren't willing to take care of it and I guessing you aren't, give it up to a couple that will appreciate it. Also, I would tell the boyfriend, he needs to know the truth and he might want to raise his kid, It could be his, you don't know. Both of you need to get a dna test, just in case either of you have a desire to raise the kid.

Let's not get too dramatic here. Don't act like the woman is gonna be a horrible mother and that the TC has to save the kid from her. The most that can absolutely be gleamed here is that she feels that she's unwilling and/or unable to be a single parent. And LOTS of parents feel that way, and then many of them become single parents anyway and give it their best shot. Hell, the TC feels the same way, so where the hell is that "save the child" coming from? Don't get me wrong...sure, he might become more mature and own up to his responsibilities and be a good parent. But if he can do that, there's no reason to assume that the mom can't do that too. And if the mom can't do that, then there's no reason to assume that the TC can either. NEITHER parent wants to be a single parent raising a kid. I'm not saying that the mom will be a good parent, but how the hell can it be expected for the TC to "save the child" when according to all the information given the mother and father both seem to be in pretty much the same boat?

#17 Edited by -Blasphemy- (2945 posts) -

yes you are just as guilty as she is. should of had her had an abortion if neither one of you wanted to have a kid. lesson learned, wear a fucking condom next time or at the very least pull out.

#18 Posted by SOedipus (6801 posts) -

You got to bang a chick, bareback, get her pregnant, and not have to take responsibility? Score! I mean it would be better if you didn't get her pregnant but oh well. Maybe you'll learn something from this my man....

#19 Posted by VaguelyTagged (10121 posts) -

bad person? lmao, that's horrible, even by my standards.

#20 Edited by GamingGod999 (2968 posts) -

#21 Posted by YearoftheSnake5 (7204 posts) -

You seek absolution from us. You know the right thing to do but don't want to because apparently it would become your problem. If all you care is about you then say nothing and deal with it. If not, do the right thing and deal with the problem. And yes, you are being a bad guy in this situation and you know it. You just need a nudge.

#22 Posted by hydralisk86 (8526 posts) -

@Zero5000X: I'm not going to tell TC what to do, but IMO the problem i see there is that if this child is given up for adoption, that child could live a life that has difficulties.

#23 Posted by Wilfred_Owen (20834 posts) -

You sure can pick'em.

#24 Edited by Shottayouth13- (6752 posts) -

7 months is a long time to wait to get this coming mess sorted out.