dealing with drama... some advice?

Ok so here is the rundown.

I work for a japanese company, my job is warehouse work. I typically interract with an admin clerk that comes in several times in a day to check orders outgoing that i ship to customers. This is usually a female in 20s out of college. I had some personal issues with the previous one that left the company a few years ago. Long story short, she came here not knowing anyone from out of town and wanted to meet people. I extended invitations into my home so she could meet new friends through my wife's circle. She was nice and friendly with me at work for a while until an event came along that didnt expressly benefit her (drinks for my birthday). A mutial friend/coworker invited her out for that. Not only did she back out after first agreeing to go, she didnt even bother telling me she wasnt going to show up.

I didnt talk to her for a while after that and things were off and on like this for the next few years at work. We would talk and so forth at work at times until some other insult came along that pissed me off again. We had a group of coworkers that we were both friends with and that would obviously make for awkward situations as well because neither one of us would stop going out to lunches and dinner even if the other person was around.

At one point, she left the company and i wasnt on speaking terms with her at all during that time. She met someone on a business trip here and married that guy and i assume that was why she left and went back to japan. Now my company typically cycles out its management and sales personel with employees from japan. Turns out, my new boss is her husband.

He's been here for about a month now and as far as i can tell, he doesnt have any issues with me but then i guess i can never really know that for certain. In any case she did of course eventually arrive here at the office like i thought she eventually might, and strolled back into the warehouse to ask me how i've been or how my family is doing. Of course i've known for some time she doesnt actually care about me, so i didnt feel inclined to respond to her nonsense. I just answered all of her questions with "they're fine". This was right in front of her husband too becausehe's introducing her to everybody in the office individually.

I'm not really sure what i should do. Look for another job maybe? Has anyone been in some kind of similar situation or have any advice?

i've been in almost the exact situation and you should tell her to sod off

You're an adult having a birthday celebration and someone doesn't show up, so now you're all mad about it, still? How is that even a remotely big deal?

I suspect the drama is coming from you.

The rundown is you need to find a new job.

Yeah, failing to see what the big deal is...like unless someone showers you with love and attention it seems you couldn't care less about them... Time to grow up.

@Expane:

Is it a little bit different if she comes to me asking for friends and i extend several invitations that she conveniently doesnt back out from any of that?

I actually wouldnt have cared much if it was strictly about her not going and that was it. I'm pissed because she walked back into the warehouse several times without telling me a word. The issue with this is i suddenly wasnt even worth any sort of direct communication... after she decided i wasnt that useful anymore or whatever.

This was just where everything started. I eventually got over it and moved on until she pissed me off again with something else. Then i got over that... over and over.

@SaintLeonidas: where in that are you getting i require "love and attention"?

Dont you inform people when you cancel plans? Isnt it offputting when someone doesnt?

I'm going to be blunt and say that the only way this qualifies as drama is if there have always been strong feelings for each other constantly hiding behind this facade of aggressiveness and awkwardness. If that's the case then yes find a new job unless you're out for a mind unhinging experience. Otherwise grow some balls and deal with it. I mean if one eliminates the possibility of a romantic complication the situation doesn't sound that stressful or intricate.

You are holding a grudge because she bailed on a party where she didn't really know anyone anyway...what are you, 13?

For me, no I wouldn't care. Then again I've backed out of "meet up for drinks" many times in my life. People meet up for drinks, you can go, not go. If you back out enough on a certain person, they will stop inviting you. /shrug

From her perspective, she was new, you helped her make new friends or something, then she met someone and got married. She probably doesn't ever think of the drinks thing.

I guess I've seen the "new person wants to be friendly, until they get a boyfriend/girlfriend then they don't need all those friends anymore" thing so many times in life that it's just normal to me.

The times when I noticed people got upset about it was when one of the people involved was thinking MOAR THAN FRIENDs and the other wasnt. But you mentioned you're married so I guess it's a manners thing for you?

When I was younger working at random jobs, people would ask me to go to bars like 4-5x per week. I would say no 99% of the time, they still went the bars, and we all showed up to work (them hungover and late) the next day and BS'd and had fun like any other day. They didn't hold it against me.

Then again, if it was a CLOSE FRIEND or something, yeah they would be mad

LOL this thread.

@SaintLeonidas:

I understand i didnt indulge in a lot of details but you shouldnt really jump to conclusions. It wasnt a party at all. It was an ahour maybe 2 at a bar. With myself, her and one other guy and as i stated, it was actually one insult after another from her overthe entire course of her employment.

I mean for all of that no, im not going to just snap to and act friendly with her. Im not wasting my time with that because there wont actually be a return on any respect given.

OK, so you are 13. Could have just said so.

@GazaAli:

No, there were no complicated feelings like that.

Yeah, it pretty much was a respect thing for me.

Then in your opinion i should not be concerned about her husband being my boss?

She's not interested in you, you're not interested in her, she's not preventing you from working, her husband is not preventing you from working, she speaks to you in a polite way, so does her husband. Where's the problem? Do you need to be in drinking terms with all the people you work with? I never went for drinks with any of my co-workers and that never made me feel the need to quit my job.

Why the heck is this even an issue to you? She didn't show up for drinks because she had her reasons whatever they may be. Holding a grudge on her for so long is flat out immature and laughable. Just let it go and continue doing your job. And if you happen to bump into her again, behave casually like a mature human being.

Okay here's the rundown......she didn't go for drinks...BFD. Get over it. You seem very immature and the drama comes from you.