Cutting ties with the church you grew up with.

Has anyone gone through this? As I grew older, I started to become my own person, with different values and beliefs. At first, I still went because I was close with the people their. But I felt like I couldn't lie to myself any longer, so I stopped going.

I do feel this bit of guilt in me because I just stopped abruptly. I didn't give anyone warning. I even played piano for service every now and again. Should I drop by every now and then to say hi?

If you were close to the people at your church, I might let them know you won't be coming much, if nothing else so they don't worry about what happened to you. I know it might feel awkward but they'll understand.

Does your church run a food pantry or meal service? If so, a good way to drop by and see people would be to do a bit of work at that (just a couple hours every few weeks).

@lonewolf604: You probably should let them know. It might not be a nice conversation but it's the right thing to do. That being said though, if you feel that not going back is the right thing for you don't feel guilty for sticking to that decision, and don't let anyone guilt trip you into staying.

Is it the excommunication type of church?

It can be hard. Thankfully my family (from my father's side) has stopped asking me to go to church years ago. I'm the lost sheep. Well, better than to be in a cult.

So, you are feeling guilty and for some reason you feel you should pay them a visit, so what's stopping you from going ?

I don't understand why you can't visit the church anymore now that you have different beliefs. It's not like you're going to turn Christian again or whatever for that matter.

stopped going to church in high school and have never missed it. i hated going to church every sunday.

I stopped going to Church after I met a bunch of hypocrites. I felt ill just by being around them, like a huge lie to myself to not say what I'm really thinking of you. There are some very nice people, but a lot of people there seems not take the teachings very seriously, and use Church as a way to look better.

Went to catholic mass every week till i was about 15, and at this point ~10 years later, I don't know anyone who still goes outside my 80+ year old grandparents. The place is empty and it was amazing to never return. Seems like everyone went out of peer pressure or cultural lip service from older generations.

Was never really properly introduced or taught what religion was, up until my parents switched me into the catholic school board here where I live. From there I was introduced to God, Jesus, and the Bible. Never really made much sense to me, and I questioned it from day one of 4th grade. Though too keep with the norm I didn't talk about it till the next year with my friends. We all on our own accord in grade 5 decided it wasn't worth putting any effort into as personally I found it to be even as a kid too far fetched. I preferred a more logical explanation then the ones the teachers and priest told me. And since I've essentially stayed out of religion besides the mandatory religion classes, and monthly mass in highschool. Since I graduated that's done and I plan to have as little interaction with religious sects as possible.

I think not growing up being taught a certain religion to be fact, made it easier for me as a child to compartmentalize the ideas and concepts of Gods and religions to individual groups and categories. To me at that age the concept of God, Jesus and the Holy ghost was no different then the Greek, roman, or Egyptian gods they taught us about in history classes. When high school came around we were invited to be more open and eventually even debate such things in religion class (Some teachers could do this others were far to conservative religiously). And thankfully they had the balls to teach at least one year of world religions. These opportunities to talk to peers back and forth and gather others opinions about their views on Catholicism and other religions was something I doubt most people get the chance to do and I thought at the time it an invaluable class in a school run and operated by Catholic only teachers and housed by students of predominately one faith.

I'm now in my high 20's and have experienced life beyond the kid you are as a young teen or early 20 something. I've even dabbled in some of the worlds most powerful hallucinogens, of which many showed me, and taught me in a way to not believe and take what others and yourself are presenting as truth as you only see as far as your minds current perception allows you to see. There are so many possibilities, the sheer size of what is beyond our planet is so astounding it's awe inspiring. And with most religions they put us Humanity at the for front, the center, the nucleus of literally the infinitely large universe, we humans are the most important of species. That seems to me far to self centered, when trillions of species live on our planet alone, that's not even taking into consideration other planets, comets etc... holding life.

So because of examples like the ones above I have a hard time taking religion seriously. I often lose respect for those who I find out to be overly religious or religious but never having questioned why types. If it were possible I would want religion gone, or at least have it slowly die off completely. I think it's caused and continues to cause to many problems of which I won't get into as this is all ready too long I think. Though I don't wish for the idea or history to be erased. Religion and it's past have greatly shaped who I am, and I think it has much to teach us about moving forward beyond religion, and in helping us remember the past and how things used to be.

@magicalclick: I'm curious (and you don't need to reply if you don't want to) but is the church ok with you guys being gay, or do you have to go as "friends"? If they're ok with it, then that's awesome!

Saudi man sentenced death for leaving Islam

wanna cut ties with religion ... ?

Situations vary. For example, odds are your Church won't mind you stopping by; however mine can't stand the sight of me after I left and joined ISIS.

My experiences with Churches ended when they would not baptize my son. I grew up going to a Catholic school, and provided services for them for 8 years. Did lots of funerals, wedding, in choir, played guitar, did singing, did plays, and was a alter boy, all this for eight years. Then only came to church every once in a blue moon, when i was in high school. At age 20, i had my first born. I went to ask if they would baptize him since i lived down the street from that church. I happen to rent my first apartment there. When i went to ask if they could baptize him, they said no. They told me i was not part of the church, that they had not seen me on Sundays ? And didn't know who i was ? I told the priest, that i provided service for them for many years, the did not care. Show me, never to trust or service a church again. Bastards ! All that and they couldn't even baptize my son. But in response to your question, NO, don't feel bad, they wouldn't even miss you is what i think. But i could be wrong.

I just stopped going, like when I stopped going to the mall to see Santa or putting my baby teeth under my pillow for the tooth fairy.

If the place and its community still hold some social or personal value then there should be nothing stopping you from dropping by whenever it seems appropriate. You are your own person and are entitled to your beliefs and convictions I'm not asking you to alter that or compromise it. But don't be the prisoner of an irrational sense of persecution and oppression just because you used to go to church and now you don't.

@lonewolf604: well if you really feel guilty and stuff you might want to go on the special days or help with some activities but some are just better at saying good bye and letting go...

i didn't have to cut ties.

one day when i was 9 i started asking some questions about the sunday school lesson and they asked me to leave and i never had to go back.

It´s not a problem of the church, it`s a problem of the priest running that church, so it´s not bastard"S" it´s bastard, never ever I have heard of such thing happening where I live unless there is some sort of prohibition by the church, I became atheist after being raised Catholic and actually I have never been a "good Catholic" I practically only attended mass either because it was a wedding of because it was a funeral, not even on Christmas nor New Year nor Holy Friday I attended mass, I´m atheist, my wife is not, she remains being Catholic and raised my children as such so when my children were to be christened the only thing my wife had to present at church was my christening ballot, hers and that was it.

Just watch Richard Dawkins debating a few intellectual religious types on Youtube and you probably wont feel like you even owe them an explanation dude. I wouldnt waste my time. If however you can salvage a few personal relationships and continue them outside of a church setting then it may very well be a good thing for you to do if you wish to continue to see those people.

Well you could be right. My kids attend a new catholic church, even became peer leaders, and all is good. I can't say i go every Sunday, but here and there. But even though it might have been one person, or the church, i still didn't give up in my belief. I just don't involve myself fully as i used to.

damn........that's the least loving thing I have ever heard a church do, aside from extremist sects of course. You don't happen to remember the questions you asked do you?

i think it was some parable and i was saying people don't act like that and the guy got super pissed.

what i mostly remember was the brand fuckin' new buster brown shoes i had on and all the blood that was in them after the 5 mile walk home.

what are you going to do? baptists gonna baptist.

anyway they did me a favor. i flat out refused to go the next week and my folks didn't force the issue and i was free.

go to church don't let church go in you