Anyone here who is also g@y but don't know how to respond to transgenders?

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rhoads90

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#1 rhoads90
Member since 2013 • 63 Posts

I am gay but when I see a transgender I get wierded out. I feel like if you are a man, be a man, if you are a woman, be a woman, gay be gay straight be straight. But when I meet someone who is trangendered I dont know how to be around them. It wierds me out. But I feel so bad because I know that they feel better and they have gone through something similar to what I have except changing sexes. I know they get it even worse than being gay....I dunno, I just feel bad about it. I am lost when I meet transgenders but sympathetic towards them at the same time.

 

Anyhere in the same position?

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Fightingfan

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#2 Fightingfan
Member since 2010 • 38011 Posts
If I was gay I wouldn't play that opposite gender role.
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Canuck3000

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#3 Canuck3000
Member since 2004 • 40562 Posts
If I was gay I wouldn't play that opposite gender role. Fightingfan
This. I just don't get it
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Yusuke420

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#4 Yusuke420
Member since 2012 • 2770 Posts

We have a new co-worker at work that is transgendered and I honestly don't know what to say. So I just keep it light and friendly and avoid the use of pronouns lol. 

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lamprey263

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#5 lamprey263
Member since 2006 • 44556 Posts
I don't mind transgender people, in fact in greater numbers they can be quite entertaining, for a few years I used to live around troupes of drag queens they were quite fun to be around.
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Bucked20

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#6 Bucked20
Member since 2011 • 6651 Posts
I always thought they were a little bit off
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SailorSatourne

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#7 SailorSatourne
Member since 2012 • 40 Posts

I'm transgender but don't know how to respond to gay people.

I mean gender is largely a social construct so you can be anything you want but if you like the same sex then that's sort of opposite of your natural biological imperative, I don't know how to be around someone like that.

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Canuck3000

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#8 Canuck3000
Member since 2004 • 40562 Posts

I'm transgender but don't know how to respond to gay people.

I mean gender is largely a social construct so you can be anything you want but if you like the same sex then that's sort of opposite of your natural biological imperative, I don't know how to be around someone like that.

SailorSatourne

I say this without trying to offend.

But how is that the case? You can't chose gender any more than you can your race

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cain006

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#9 cain006
Member since 2008 • 8625 Posts

If I was gay I wouldn't play that opposite gender role. Fightingfan
Being transgendered has nothing to do with sexuality. There are gay and straight transgendered people. They just feel like they're in the wrong body. It's why there's like 5-10 year old kids who dress up like the other gender, it just feels right to them.

I say this without trying to offend. 


But how is that the case? You can't chose gender any more than you can your race

Canuck3000

It's a state of mind. I have absolutely no way to back this up, but somebody told me that a lot of transgendered people's brains are much closer to their desired gender than their original one.

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SailorSatourne

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#10 SailorSatourne
Member since 2012 • 40 Posts

I was just parodying the opening post, it wasn't meant to be serious. >_>

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Canuck3000

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#11 Canuck3000
Member since 2004 • 40562 Posts
WELL NOW. That isn't fun.
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deactivated-5f9e3c6a83e51

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#12 deactivated-5f9e3c6a83e51
Member since 2004 • 57548 Posts

I suppose people dont always feel comfortable with something they arent familiar with.  It's not unusual to feel a little bit "weirded out".  It's just how you respond to that feeling that matters.  Doesnt sound like you are a hateful or close minded person.

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LoG-Sacrament

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#13 LoG-Sacrament
Member since 2006 • 20397 Posts

i don't see how being gay would influence your response to transgenders. you'd respond to someone just how anybody else would.

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Foxi911

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#14 Foxi911
Member since 2008 • 1676 Posts
As a gay guy, transgender are in their own category. They are not attractive, but I'm not scared of them. They are just like normal people. That would be rude
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rhoads90

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#15 rhoads90
Member since 2013 • 63 Posts

As a gay guy, transgender are in their own category. They are not attractive, but I'm not scared of them. They are just like normal people. That would be rude Foxi911

I'm transgender but don't know how to respond to gay people.

I mean gender is largely a social construct so you can be anything you want but if you like the same sex then that's sort of opposite of your natural biological imperative, I don't know how to be around someone like that.

SailorSatourne

Well, us gay people know we were born gay And scientists agree that is isn't a choice, and you can't prove we choose to be this way. You can prove someone was born man or woman, and that they chose to change. so we aren't comparable.

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FelipeInside

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#16 FelipeInside
Member since 2003 • 28548 Posts

I am gay but when I see a transgender I get wierded out. I feel like if you are a man, be a man, if you are a woman, be a woman, gay be gay straight be straight. But when I meet someone who is trangendered I dont know how to be around them. It wierds me out. But I feel so bad because I know that they feel better and they have gone through something similar to what I have except changing sexes. I know they get it even worse than being gay....I dunno, I just feel bad about it. I am lost when I meet transgenders but sympathetic towards them at the same time.

 

Anyhere in the same position?

rhoads90
Sorry to be Devil's Advocate here, but you say you are gay and people should act what they are. 95% of Gay Men actually act like women so....???
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rhoads90

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#17 rhoads90
Member since 2013 • 63 Posts
As a gay guy, transgender are in their own category. They are not attractive, but I'm not scared of them. They are just like normal people. That would be rude Foxi911
Well I once went to a club on a special night.....and...once you have multiple 9 foot tall drag queens grab your crotch, you would be scared
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Slashless

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#18 Slashless
Member since 2011 • 9534 Posts

I usually respond with a hello.

95% of Gay Men actually act like women so....???FelipeInside

Please

That statistic is more like 100% because no REAL man would commit the sin that is homosexuality.

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lamprey263

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#19 lamprey263
Member since 2006 • 44556 Posts

[QUOTE="SailorSatourne"]

I'm transgender but don't know how to respond to gay people.

I mean gender is largely a social construct so you can be anything you want but if you like the same sex then that's sort of opposite of your natural biological imperative, I don't know how to be around someone like that.

Canuck3000

I say this without trying to offend.

But how is that the case? You can't chose gender any more than you can your race

sex and gender are two different things though, one could be sexually a male yet gender is an expression or performance of those the social constructs and not every transgender person is gay
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rhoads90

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#20 rhoads90
Member since 2013 • 63 Posts
[QUOTE="rhoads90"]

I am gay but when I see a transgender I get wierded out. I feel like if you are a man, be a man, if you are a woman, be a woman, gay be gay straight be straight. But when I meet someone who is trangendered I dont know how to be around them. It wierds me out. But I feel so bad because I know that they feel better and they have gone through something similar to what I have except changing sexes. I know they get it even worse than being gay....I dunno, I just feel bad about it. I am lost when I meet transgenders but sympathetic towards them at the same time.

 

Anyhere in the same position?

FelipeInside
Sorry to be Devil's Advocate here, but you say you are gay and people should act what they are. 95% of Gay Men actually act like women so....???

You don't know anything. What you see on movies and tv is not the case. I would say 80% of gay people I meet in life and clubs are not feminine.
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Yusuke420

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#21 Yusuke420
Member since 2012 • 2770 Posts

[QUOTE="Foxi911"]As a gay guy, transgender are in their own category. They are not attractive, but I'm not scared of them. They are just like normal people. That would be rude rhoads90
Well I once went to a club on a special night.....and...once you have multiple 9 foot tall drag queens grab your crotch, you would be scared

Sounds like you were sexually assaulted, did you file a police report?

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rhoads90

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#22 rhoads90
Member since 2013 • 63 Posts

I usually respond with a hello.

[QUOTE="FelipeInside"] 95% of Gay Men actually act like women so....???Slashless

Please

That statistic is more like 100% because no REAL man would commit the sin that is homosexuality.

No real person with a brain would commit the sin that is believing in a fairy tale invisible friend
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rhoads90

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#23 rhoads90
Member since 2013 • 63 Posts

[QUOTE="rhoads90"][QUOTE="Foxi911"]As a gay guy, transgender are in their own category. They are not attractive, but I'm not scared of them. They are just like normal people. That would be rude Yusuke420

Well I once went to a club on a special night.....and...once you have multiple 9 foot tall drag queens grab your crotch, you would be scared

Sounds like you were sexually assaulted, did you file a police report?

I was told its part of their "show". I didnt want to be 'that guy'. I just made sure to avoid them if i even see them again in the future

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Foxi911

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#24 Foxi911
Member since 2008 • 1676 Posts
[QUOTE="Foxi911"]As a gay guy, transgender are in their own category. They are not attractive, but I'm not scared of them. They are just like normal people. That would be rude rhoads90
Well I once went to a club on a special night.....and...once you have multiple 9 foot tall drag queens grab your crotch, you would be scared

You should have corrected that person on the spot..invasion of privacy.
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Hakumen21

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#25 Hakumen21
Member since 2013 • 359 Posts


lol
seriously though, i agree.

I'm straight but if I ended up dating and marrying a woman, and she turned out to have been born a man the entire time.
that would just eff me up in every way possible.

the same with extreme plastic surgery(a little bit doesnt hurt, but a few ppl's face literally changes 100% different)

 
they can dress the way they like, and i know its a free country and all but its still very very awkward and offputting. 

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FelipeInside

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#26 FelipeInside
Member since 2003 • 28548 Posts

[QUOTE="FelipeInside"][QUOTE="rhoads90"]

I am gay but when I see a transgender I get wierded out. I feel like if you are a man, be a man, if you are a woman, be a woman, gay be gay straight be straight. But when I meet someone who is trangendered I dont know how to be around them. It wierds me out. But I feel so bad because I know that they feel better and they have gone through something similar to what I have except changing sexes. I know they get it even worse than being gay....I dunno, I just feel bad about it. I am lost when I meet transgenders but sympathetic towards them at the same time.

 

Anyhere in the same position?

rhoads90

Sorry to be Devil's Advocate here, but you say you are gay and people should act what they are. 95% of Gay Men actually act like women so....???

You don't know anything. What you see on movies and tv is not the case. I would say 80% of gay people I meet in life and clubs are not feminine.

I ain't talking about movies, I'm talking about the gay men I know through friends, relatives etc. I'm not saying they are ALL like that, but the majority for sure.

As for movies, why do you think they are represented like that?  Same point, cause the majority are.

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Hakumen21

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#27 Hakumen21
Member since 2013 • 359 Posts

[QUOTE="FelipeInside"][QUOTE="rhoads90"]

I am gay but when I see a transgender I get wierded out. I feel like if you are a man, be a man, if you are a woman, be a woman, gay be gay straight be straight. But when I meet someone who is trangendered I dont know how to be around them. It wierds me out. But I feel so bad because I know that they feel better and they have gone through something similar to what I have except changing sexes. I know they get it even worse than being gay....I dunno, I just feel bad about it. I am lost when I meet transgenders but sympathetic towards them at the same time.

 

Anyhere in the same position?

rhoads90

Sorry to be Devil's Advocate here, but you say you are gay and people should act what they are.

95% of Gay Men actually act like women so....???


You don't know anything. What you see on movies and tv is not the case. I would say 80% of gay people I meet in life and clubs are not feminine.

lol
the gay men that act like women(the flamboyant ones lol), and the lesbians that act and dress like men are extremely awkward to be around.
try hanging with a group of lesbians that think they're men. its extremely awkward.

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Foxi911

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#28 Foxi911
Member since 2008 • 1676 Posts
[QUOTE="FelipeInside"][QUOTE="rhoads90"][QUOTE="FelipeInside"] Sorry to be Devil's Advocate here, but you say you are gay and people should act what they are. 95% of Gay Men actually act like women so....???

You don't know anything. What you see on movies and tv is not the case. I would say 80% of gay people I meet in life and clubs are not feminine.

I ain't talking about movies, I'm talking about the gay men I know through friends, relatives etc. I'm not saying they are ALL like that, but the majority for sure.

Your logic is extremely flawed, you can't base a whole demographic over your little friends and relatives you know.... As rhoads90 said, the gay population isn't mainly feminine.
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rhoads90

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#29 rhoads90
Member since 2013 • 63 Posts
[QUOTE="FelipeInside"][QUOTE="rhoads90"][QUOTE="FelipeInside"] Sorry to be Devil's Advocate here, but you say you are gay and people should act what they are. 95% of Gay Men actually act like women so....???

You don't know anything. What you see on movies and tv is not the case. I would say 80% of gay people I meet in life and clubs are not feminine.

I ain't talking about movies, I'm talking about the gay men I know through friends, relatives etc. I'm not saying they are ALL like that, but the majority for sure.

No...they are not. You only know they are gay because they are flaming. The majority you dont even know are gay If you went into a gay club you would find out most are not feminine.
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FelipeInside

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#31 FelipeInside
Member since 2003 • 28548 Posts
[QUOTE="rhoads90"][QUOTE="FelipeInside"][QUOTE="rhoads90"] You don't know anything. What you see on movies and tv is not the case. I would say 80% of gay people I meet in life and clubs are not feminine.

I ain't talking about movies, I'm talking about the gay men I know through friends, relatives etc. I'm not saying they are ALL like that, but the majority for sure.

No...they are not. You only know they are gay because they are flaming. The majority you dont even know are gay If you went into a gay club you would find out most are not feminine.

That may be true, but then how do you explain that I can 99.9999% of the time tell when a Man is gay
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lamprey263

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#32 lamprey263
Member since 2006 • 44556 Posts
Well, us gay people know we were born gay And scientists agree that is isn't a choice, and you can't prove we choose to be this way. You can prove someone was born man or woman, and that they chose to change. so we aren't comparable.rhoads90
I take issue with the people being born gay stance, but I'm not downplaying inherent genetic factors in playing parts in peoples sexuality, but part of me thinks this position is forced by people that oppose homosexuality and assert that homosexuality is a choice, from which they assert it can be remedied by either a willingness of gay people to choose to be straight or to partake in therapies to remedy them of their homosexuality. I don't agree with this, but I feel the born this way stance comes from opposition against homosexuality that asserts it's a choice. Now again I'm not doubting genetics plays some big factor, but I don't think it's all of it. I think there's many other factors we can consider inherent though, for instance our environment and our experiences probably play a huge factor in further shaping an individuals sexuality.
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lo_Pine

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#33 lo_Pine
Member since 2012 • 4978 Posts
Gay guys act like girls and gay girls act like men. I don't see why you feel the way you do. All gay men should be transgender.
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rhoads90

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#35 rhoads90
Member since 2013 • 63 Posts
[QUOTE="FelipeInside"][QUOTE="rhoads90"][QUOTE="FelipeInside"] I ain't talking about movies, I'm talking about the gay men I know through friends, relatives etc. I'm not saying they are ALL like that, but the majority for sure.

No...they are not. You only know they are gay because they are flaming. The majority you dont even know are gay If you went into a gay club you would find out most are not feminine.

That may be true, but then how do you explain that I can 99.9999% of the time tell when a Man is gay

You can't.
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Audacitron

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#38 Audacitron
Member since 2012 • 991 Posts


lol
seriously though, i agree.

I'm straight but if I ended up dating and marrying a woman, and she turned out to have been born a man the entire time.
that would just eff me up in every way possible.

the same with extreme plastic surgery(a little bit doesnt hurt, but a few ppl's face literally changes 100% different)

 
they can dress the way they like, and i know its a free country and all but its still very very awkward and offputting. 

Hakumen21

 

I take the view that it's a surgical solution for a psychological problem. Cross-dressing never bothered me but the mere thought of surgically constructed genitals and all that that entails is sickeneing. 

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ghoklebutter

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#39 ghoklebutter
Member since 2007 • 19327 Posts
What makes you feel so awkward around us? Also, we don't change our identities. Trans* women, trans* men, etc. always have belonged to their respective gender identities. Even a trans* woman who has a beard and a mustache is female. Same goes for a trans* man who looks like Kate Upton.
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#40 Foxi911
Member since 2008 • 1676 Posts

[QUOTE="lamprey263"][QUOTE="rhoads90"]Well, us gay people know we were born gay And scientists agree that is isn't a choice, and you can't prove we choose to be this way. You can prove someone was born man or woman, and that they chose to change. so we aren't comparable.magicalclick

I take issue with the people being born gay stance, but I'm not downplaying inherent genetic factors in playing parts in peoples sexuality, but part of me thinks this position is forced by people that oppose homosexuality and assert that homosexuality is a choice, from which they assert it can be remedied by either a willingness of gay people to choose to be straight or to partake in therapies to remedy them of their homosexuality. I don't agree with this, but I feel the born this way stance comes from opposition against homosexuality that asserts it's a choice. Now again I'm not doubting genetics plays some big factor, but I don't think it's all of it. I think there's many other factors we can consider inherent though, for instance our environment and our experiences probably play a huge factor in further shaping an individuals sexuality.

I can tell you one thing. I would never be gay in my home country because they are so unattractive. I turn gay because western bears are so ***drool***. I am born to drool on western bears. Just like I am born to like chocolate ice cream. But, it is my choice to pursuit further, or I should clearify, it is my choice to be myself. I can always choose to lie to myself and be str8 if I have too. One has to survive before he can allocate his resources on luxery items such as true love.

You can't choose..unless you're bisexual.
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#41 FelipeInside
Member since 2003 • 28548 Posts

[QUOTE="FelipeInside"] That may be true, but then how do you explain that I can 99.9999% of the time tell when a Man is gaymagicalclick

Yes, they are flaming gay Can you detect closet gays? You can't even verify that when no one knows except himself. Most of professional gays are quite discrete and you don't see them in clubs.

So basically my point should have said "95% of gays men are flaming gays?" Well, flaming or not, they act like that when they are gay So they aren't acting like men.
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Audacitron

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#42 Audacitron
Member since 2012 • 991 Posts

[QUOTE="rhoads90"]Well, us gay people know we were born gay And scientists agree that is isn't a choice, and you can't prove we choose to be this way. You can prove someone was born man or woman, and that they chose to change. so we aren't comparable.lamprey263
I take issue with the people being born gay stance, but I'm not downplaying inherent genetic factors in playing parts in peoples sexuality, but part of me thinks this position is forced by people that oppose homosexuality and assert that homosexuality is a choice, from which they assert it can be remedied by either a willingness of gay people to choose to be straight or to partake in therapies to remedy them of their homosexuality. I don't agree with this, but I feel the born this way stance comes from opposition against homosexuality that asserts it's a choice. Now again I'm not doubting genetics plays some big factor, but I don't think it's all of it. I think there's many other factors we can consider inherent though, for instance our environment and our experiences probably play a huge factor in further shaping an individuals sexuality.

 

For some it's a choice, if they want to be with a man or a woman.  That's called being bisexual. 

 

But generally speaking, there's a spectrum, and there's very little a person can do to change where they fit on that spectrum.

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#43 ghoklebutter
Member since 2007 • 19327 Posts

We have a new co-worker at work that is transgendered and I honestly don't know what to say. So I just keep it light and friendly and avoid the use of pronouns lol. 

Yusuke420
Don't avoid pronouns. Use the pronouns that that person prefers. It's the least you can do, and it's not a mere act of courtesy.
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ghoklebutter

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#44 ghoklebutter
Member since 2007 • 19327 Posts

[QUOTE="Hakumen21"]


lol
seriously though, i agree.

I'm straight but if I ended up dating and marrying a woman, and she turned out to have been born a man the entire time.
that would just eff me up in every way possible.

the same with extreme plastic surgery(a little bit doesnt hurt, but a few ppl's face literally changes 100% different)

 
they can dress the way they like, and i know its a free country and all but its still very very awkward and offputting. 

Audacitron

 

I take the view that it's a surgical solution for a psychological problem. Cross-dressing never bothered me but the mere thought of surgically constructed genitals and all that that entails is sickeneing. 

Sickening to you, yes. But not to someone who has a real physical need for such a surgery. Also, not all transgender people want to get the surgery. Many of them like to keep the genitals they were born with.
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swivet-

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#46 swivet-
Member since 2011 • 536 Posts
I feel like if you are a man, be a man, if you are a woman, be a womanrhoads90
This is what they're doing
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ghoklebutter

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#47 ghoklebutter
Member since 2007 • 19327 Posts
[QUOTE="rhoads90"] I feel like if you are a man, be a man, if you are a woman, be a womanswivet-
This is what they're doing

Well said.
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Foxi911

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#49 Foxi911
Member since 2008 • 1676 Posts

[QUOTE="Foxi911"][QUOTE="magicalclick"]

I can tell you one thing. I would never be gay in my home country because they are so unattractive. I turn gay because western bears are so ***drool***. I am born to drool on western bears. Just like I am born to like chocolate ice cream. But, it is my choice to pursuit further, or I should clearify, it is my choice to be myself. I can always choose to lie to myself and be str8 if I have too. One has to survive before he can allocate his resources on luxery items such as true love.

magicalclick

You can't choose..unless you're bisexual.

What I like is not a choice. But, like I said, I can always choose to lie to myself if the society is going to leench gays. The actual action is a choice desipte one's preference.

Sounds like you're bisexual to me, because I can't turn like a flip of a switch.