Need for Speed Most Wanted 2 cant connect to friends online

We both got the game and did the first mission to get to the freeroam section.. and we can't for the love of god figure out how to join eachother... I made a friends only game, but it says 0 friends online, even tho there is.. .and when i open the little dropdown menu, the friends list is locked for some odd reason...

please help me :)

What system are you playing the game on?

Are you both signed into the EA servers when playing the game?

Can you play against other people and can your friend (i.e. to see you can both connect online on the game)?