A Far Cry From What I Wanted

User Rating: 6 | Far Cry Instincts Predator X360

Starting this review off, I received this game for free from my cousin, which is often like a sign that says "Free, either syphilis or a peanut butter poptart for every customer" and usually I get the pastry, but covered in syphilis. Sometimes I get just the syphilis. and before you ask, yes, I have more than one syphilis. Take it up with my general practioner, please.

Anyway, as soon as I started this game up (and realized I forgot to sign in, and had to start up again for some reason) I was greeted with the unlocking of a new profile picture. Really? I got a profile picture literally for turning my xbox on, opening the disc tray, plopping the game disc in pretty color side up, and shoving a 2d polycarbonate sphere down my console's throat? Right.

I fiddled with the options and set them to my liking and went to the only game unlocked: Instincts. I was met with the option to create a new game or to...play without saving...right, you mean that thing you do throughout the game where you just turn the autosave off and play? Nevertheless, I created a new game and found that I can name my save! I named mine "isrlygood," as you do.

Normally, this is that time where I bitch about graphics, sound, gameplay, et cetera...you know. That not important stuff. You see, I haven't taken note of that stuff this time around. This time, I just paid attention to the sidekick's boobs...I'm kidding, that's really sort of sexist. I will not be judging this game based on smaller parts, though, but the game at face value. Gameplay is the only thing, along with controls. No stars or points.

That doesn't exempt it from me talking about graphics, though. Normal 2005 graphics, honestly. About the era where every acne-ridden punk stopped thinking the first adaption of Lara Croft was hot, because they'd gone on to bigger and better things. More realistically, different pixelated mammaries. You think they gave a shit about anything else when they got their rocks off of holding the PS1 controller to their nutsack during the vibration healing in the torture scene from Metal Gear Solid? Every teenager wanted to be Bill Clinton, and the closest thing they could get to Monica Lewinsky was made of HDPE. But I digress.

So, as the game goes on, we find out that our protagonist must be a god or something, because in the first 15 minutes, he's survived having his boat crash, bullets from helicopters and soldiers, and a napalm air strike. Sort of crazy. I don't think the dude did shit for this to happen, unless he is actually a god and they're pretty pissed about those orphans, but that's a whole other theological debate.

Now, I really tried to enjoy this game, and it's good, but it's just not good alone. Somebody else may be able to play this, but I'm not that person, and I don't think you are, either. It really wants to be Halo in the jungle fighting people, and I don't think either campaign pulls that off. You'd be better off playing it on the PC, maybe playing Far Cry 2 or 3, but skip this one unless you really like Halo clones.