An awful, ugly mess. Or as Duke would say, "Tonight, you dine in hell"
Within the game, Duke is saviour of the world thanks to his efforts during the previous alien encounter. He has his own casino, plenty of hot babes, adoring fans and even a Duke Cave. Duke knows the new presence of Aliens on Earth is bad news. The President insists that Duke keeps his finger off the trigger while he negotiates. It's not long before Duke's "Lady Killer" casino is under direct attack and the aliens take our babes. DNF is not that dissimilar to D3D but it also borrows heavily from Half-Life 2 and modern shooters. It relies on novelties to break up the mundane shooting but very few are engaging.
The arsenal is mostly a copy of the weapons from D3D, with a rocket launcher, hologram and pipe bombs. The shotgun has reasonable weight but it's hard to justify carrying when much of the combat is further than its effective range. The machine gun is the best standard weapon and the others get used when you run out of ammo. The poor enemy AI doesn't help the combat either. The aliens love rotating on the spot, perhaps trying to pay homage to the 2D sprites of days gone by. They also gather illogical upward momentum after taking a fatal bullet. Don't be surprised if a pig cop freezes midair after getting stuck on a body or sandbags while jumping at you.
The visuals in Duke vary between awful and satisfactory. Indoor locations in the early parts of the game are crisp but lack detail. Outdoor areas will have you believing you suddenly developed cataracts during the loading screen. Here the world proportions feel wrong and the 2D backgrounds are blobs of indistinguishable objects. The world is a blurry mess and the colour palette and contrast is insulting to the eye. Just when you thought the visuals couldn't get any worse, it puts you in an underwater level where you chase bubble streams for air. All of this doesn't even touch on the poor animations, horrible explosions and muted weapon effects.
Duke earns Ego for completing mini games and defeating bosses. Ego is basically your rechargeable health. There are no health packs, so Duke will be ducking behind cover after taking damage. Although infrequent, it's one decision that doesn't feel at home with the franchise. There are some interesting mini-games and their technical implementation can certainly be appreciated. Duke fans will gain the most Ego and the rest will just get enough to get through the game without problems.
The novelty sections prove to be the best parts of the game. Moving through Duke Burger as miniature Duke while you jump hamburger buns, avoid mouse traps and climb over dead bodies was a highlight. Even some of the puzzles weren't necessarily bad, just misguided. Turning a huge statue of Duke and raising its arm in order to climb to the next level has some merit. Then there were the pleasures of stomping on pig cops after shrinking them down to size. Not all the novelty sections behave quite as well.
A dream sequence has you on a treasure hunt in a strip club where you look for popcorn, a condom and a vibrator. This is concluded with a lame strip tease just before Duke wakes up. Duke will even venture underground to transverse through numerous Prey inspired doors and roll some objects into door switches. Unfortunately terrible lighting means you won't see anything during these sections. Duke's personality proves particularly grating in this game.
Throughout the game Duke unleashes one line quips like they are bullets. Very few are amusing and none are funny after the tenth time. You literally get one stupid line every 3rd dead alien in some locations. He'll rattle off lines from movies which don't fit with anything. Lines like "If I promised to kill you last, I lied" and "I'm from Las Vegas, and I say kill 'em all!" He's a walking quote factory who also happens to reference other games in the same uninteresting way.
Half-Life 2 is referenced and imitated more than any other game. A monster truck sequence is a replica of the Highway 17 level without any of the pacing or logical qualities. When your truck conveniently runs out of gas, enemies spawn and you fight your way to a gas can. After finding a group of gas cans, Duke decides to take only one. He runs out of gas a few minutes later. His monster truck will then dodge perfectly round boulders crashing down from the mountain above. Why is this so? Apparently none of the developers really cared. The multiplayer is also a disaster.
It's hard to believe a current operating developer actually created the multiplayer. The maps don't flow well and the combat is horrible. The net code is the worst seen on the PC for years. If you happen to hold your weapon over an enemy and shoot you'd have more luck winning the lottery than actually hitting anything. The unnecessary customisation should have been ignored in favour of a better experience. The only neat thing about the multiplayer was being able to shrink people and see them fight each other as mini-dukes.
There was only one laugh to be had in the entire game and it occurred just before the end credits. Perhaps this was purely a side effect of actually finishing the game. Duke needed to be a parody of modern gaming, one that took the worst aspects of current shooters and made fun of them in an intelligent way. It also needed to provide its own brand of fun shooting. Instead it takes some bad devices from modern shooters and merges them into its own aging formula. The combination was never going to succeed and its terrible presentation and unsatisfying combat is a recipe for disaster. DNF isn't really a game; it's an interactive part of gaming history with a few movie quotes thrown in.