The fun Duke Nukem Forever does offer is sadly marred by a multitude of technical issues and dated visuals.
The monster eventually falls and the credits start to roll. The camera pulls back and we're once again seeing through the eyes of Duke Nukem, who just finished his own game. After a couple women (you can guess what they were doing) ask him if the game was any good he says "Yeah, but after twelve [expletive] years it should be" and this is probably the best way to describe Duke Nukem Forever. After twelve years, it should be good, but that game Duke was playing at the beginning just isn't the product that follows. Straight to the action is replaced by a slow introduction as you roam hallways and listen to lazy jokes by random passer bys. It might be a reference to how each Half Life game opens, but it doesn't change the fact this opening sequence is boring and uninspired. Of course, the action does return and you'll be shooting aliens in the face again in no time.
The core shooting mechanics are fun, if not overly simple. The iron sights/down the scope mechanics you're used to in today's shooters aren't there but yet you have a zoom function that serves the same purpose. You'll quickly forget about the iron sights and focus on the shooting, which is often fun and a nice throw back to old school shooters. The typical pistol and shotgun found in most FPS titles are satisfying to use and there's a good assortment of unique weapons that spice things up. The rail gun has a solid kick to it, the RPG and Devastator are both great fun, and the Shrinker and Freeze Gun return as well. The big fights in the game also have an old school style to them, in a sense that you rarely have allies fighting with you and you just put down intimidating monster after intimidating monster. It's a shame you're only allowed 2 weapons at a time, considering that Duke's arsenal is the best part of the game, but it isn't game breaking.
Unfortunately, the solid firefights and gunplay are frequently interrupted with puzzle, platforming, and driving segments. None of which are particularly good nor fun to do. A puzzle might sound like a nice way to spice up the constant action and, indeed, is a good way to pace a game but it fails simply because most puzzles aren't immediately identified. You might enter a room and be lost on what to do. There really isn't a clear indication where to go and searching quickly loses the appeal when you run back and forth from a corridor looking for something to move or push. It isn't to say the puzzles are hard, but all things considered there's such a lack of direction and they so frequently interrupt the flow of the game its worth pointing out. Especially since the puzzles are so tedious and boring. Running around the map looking for a hidden barrel to teeter-tot your way up to the next segment is just dull.
Platforming started to fade away from First Person Shooter memory and there's a reason for that. It isn't the best perspective to do death defying jumps and unless your game has a grab mechanic or is built for this sort of thing (Crysis 2, Mirror's Edge) it just becomes irritating. The driving segments are almost just as dull, although the later monster truck portion is tolerable and offers some humorous moments.
Gameplay issues aside, Duke Nukem Forever suffers most from technical issues. One of the biggest being load times. It takes an insultingly long time to load up a new stage, at least on the PS3. This might be a passable complaint, but every single time you die it has to reload the entire stage as if it was loading it for the first time. There is no "snap back" reload and this hurts the game in every segment: If you miss a jump and fall to your death you're going to have to wait. Didn't know you were supposed to boost over that ramp that was near identical to the ramps you just bounced over before? Oh you're dead. Might as well make a sandwich while the game loads. In the middle of an intense firefight and get caught off guard and die? Prepare to watch that freaking loading screen all over again.
There are also random freeze ups, although they're a bit uncommon and bizarre. The game rarely slows down during battles or driving segments, but for whatever reason its prone to frame rate drops when you're just trying to make a jump. It is also around these points you'll probably realize things never render. Particularly things at a distant look ugly and botched.
The graphics in Duke Nukem Forever are dated and simply not up to par with more recent games. In fact, the best way to play this game is by pretending it was released in 2005 (because well… it pretty much was supposed to be) but even then older titles such as FEAR, Half Life 2, and Doom 3 still look better than this game. It appears unfinished, and while fighting larger enemies it really shows. The Assault Commander, a large, hovering, menacing force that fires rockets at you and taunts you with a deep voice is a big fat glob of technical deficiencies. The creature must have been purposefully ugly, but not in this sense. Graphics don't make the game, of course, but there are some areas, such as the Hive, where the visuals make the game more difficult to play. There really isn't any clear direction and sometimes what appears to be a blubbery green mesh of textures is actually a hallway you can walk through.
The fact of the matter is that the game suffered from the absurdly long development time. There are a lot of good ideas here, a studio trying to mix up pacing and adding different gameplay mechanics into a typical genre isn't a bad thing but none of it is defined. The ideas have existed for a long time and feel left in as the game's engine changed and 3D Realms continued suffering as a studio. Interestingly enough when you complete the game you're given access to bonus content, one of which being screen shots throughout the game's entire life cycle. One of the first screens being from 1999 and having the same level design and art as the game you just got done playing. In the end, the game feels like it was released just because it could be and isn't the Duke title Gearbox wants to create.
This isn't to say Duke Nukem Forever is all bad. There are a few redeeming qualities.
First and foremost is the Duke himself. Even at his worst, he's still got loads more personality than any other character in other first person games (with the possible exception of the colorful cast in Bulletstorm). By now you've properly heard of the gross, immature humor in the game but most of it is actually just Duke simply trash talking his enemies or referencing movies or other games in a satirical fashion. There are some jokes that are just stupid, some even nonsensical. However, hearing the Duke crack pork chop jokes when killing Pigcops or referencing games like Dead Space is just fun. There are also several times Duke says things from classic Arnold Schwarzenegger titles, such as Commando.
There are also a few levels that stand out from the rest. These stages seem like what 3D Realms was gunning for with the entire package. Sadly, they're almost all in the second half of the game. Although they remain fun and possess some classic Duke Nukem charm. Examples of this include a stage where Duke is shrunk down and fights several enemies on shelves in a fast food place. The cover becomes mundane mustard and ketchup bottles, and its simply an entertaining segment. Another one being walking through a desolate ghost town seemingly taken from old Western films, quickly erupting into one of the best all out firefights in the game. The final boss was also a load of fun and felt much more like the Duke Nukem game we all wanted.
Still, it's hard to recommend Duke Nukem Forever for all the technical problems it has. A lot of them are annoying, and if you're not particularly good at first person games the load times will slowly enrage you. If you're a Duke Nukem fan, it isn't a horribly atrocious game that needs to be avoided like the plague. Support the franchise so Gearbox can deliver their Duke Nukem title with a proper development time… just wait for a price drop. Hopefully a patch as well.