the real review of DOTA 2

#1 Posted by RottingOut88 (1 posts) -
For some reason I can't actually review the game in the reviews section but here it is. The real review of DOTA 2. This game is great, if you like awful games. Like it's super fun to play but you will quickly learn to hate it. Then it will turn around and give you a beautiful taste of winning and you feel like suddenly you understand the game and you will easily be able to beat any team no matter what. Just riding that DOTA high! Then the true DOTA 2 appears. You will be teamed up with complete retards that don't understand the simple concepts of the game and that are trying to beat the whole team by themselves. Like seriously 1v5 is not going to work. Ever. Soon you realize that no matter how good you do, if your team is crap then you will be crap. So you get pissed and want to leave, well you can't. Not without paying the penalty of playing in the low priority pool for at least 24 hours. Then you will definitely be teamed up with incompetent assholes that will most likely end up bailing after they die 2 or 3 times. During those 2 to 3 times they blame you saying "where the **** were you dude" and "ya i wouldn't be feeding if i was still alive if you had just backed me up" even though you were in another lane completely. So after this said player feeds the team at the very least 3 times on dumb decisions that he made, he will abandon. So then you are playing 4v5 for the rest of the game. Well lucky for you once he abandons you can safely exit the match without any consequences. So you play a couple more matches here and there, 90% of them have abandonments since its low priority, but you stick through the tough times and eventually your sentence of DOTA hell is up. And you can return to the good part of DOTA. Or so you thought. Now returning to the normal people who play you think "well now i can really play and i will be able to finally win a 5v5 match". Until you join up with those great people who play DOTA constantly but still suck. I'm talking about the awesome players who take a lane no matter what without listening to the rest of the team. Who forces what would be a great lane to separate and essentially lose farm/levels for the team. After you get some levels under your belt you start thinking of ganking, well that lane has been struggling so that would really provide a great start for everyone. You check the lane and the 2 enemies don't have full health, awesome start. You then check your team mates. Both have full or almost full health and at least 3/4 mana. Perfect time to pounce since they didn't back off when you went missing. So you ping the one player to focus on, you let everyone know through speaking and chat that you are going to go on them. The team mates say ya lets do this. Everything seems to be going good! Wrong. As you come up one of the team mates that was in the lane gets a good stun, The other non-stunned enemy takes a run for it basically ditching his lane partner without any help what so ever. This is going great! You get a couple of auto attacks on him and he is sitting on 1/2 health now. Perfect! Just kidding. Right when you think you're going to get the gank that good old team mate who doesn't like to listen to the whole entire team bails on you. Saying he didn't have mana (which you then look and he still has 1/2 mana and can easily just auto attack him and that would work) so he starts to run back like a little bitch. Well in turn his lane mate who wasn't paying attention bails too thinking thats the right move. a "better safe than sorry" move. Well they should be sorry. You get the enemy down to less than 1/4 hp essentially by yourself. Then of course it gets turned around. That other enemy that bailed on his own team mate without helping sees his oppritunity to now get a kill and jumps right on in. By now the enemy you were trying to kill has gone back to tower range with about 1-10 hp left. Just 1 auto attack short of death. ****ing great. But now you don't have the upper advantage to this now full hp/mana enemy that jumped in and with your team mates leaving you just seconds before you're thinking "well this sucks but i might be able to at least fight him a little to get him off me". Then in the wards that you bought (even though you're the teams hard-carry but of course everyone tries to carry in DOTA) you see that another enemy is coming down to join in the feast of your death. So now you're thinking **** this. **** this. **** this. i need to get back to base". Great idea now just teleport back real quick. Except you didn't have money for a TP after you bought the courier and flying courier. "Ah **** Well you just get enough mana back to stun the enemy currently attacking you before the other has a chance to get in, so you get back to tower range and essentially safety. After all that bad shit happens you seem to have gotten the least of it, and it doesn't really change the game. Ya right! Now for some unexplainded, retardedly stupid reason the team mate who had "no mana" who never went to base to fill up or pop any clarities decides to leave tower range and jump on the first enemy who was now about half hp (of course without saying anything about him going in). First instinct is to yell "GET BACK! GET BACK!" "B!" "DUDE GET BACK!" as he tries to get a kill. Now someone else on your team even pinged when you saw the enemy player leave lane to come kill you. So everyone knows there's another right there. But he goes in anyways. Now the enemy who jumped in is now at about 1/4 hp and still no sight of the missing player. Well you start to think maybe, just maybe you can still pull a kill out of this. So you start to edge towards it being ever so careful. Then the other player who was laning with dumb dumb thinks to go in (apparently he doesn't think for himself). Well now not only does the missing enemy jump in, but also the first enemy you tried to gank. It's 2v3 and its not looking good. Especially since dumb dumb decides to focus the full strength enemies and not the now less than 1/4 enemy who is literally asking to die. Like through chat he is laughing and asking them to kill him, it's ridiculous. Well as you go back to base to heal up since there is 0 chance of getting a kill now and you would definitely end up dead along with those 2 you get to hear the best part. "WHERE THE **** WERE YOU?!!" "HOW DID YOU **** THAT UP! LIKE SERIOUSLY YOU SUCK AT DOTA" and then across all chat "report (name here) for being a noob!".......great. Now the team mate who doesn't listen, doesn't participate in team fights and decides a 1v2 and 2v3 is a better idea than a 3v1 is yelling at you. So you get to put up with this idiot all game. Now you can easily ignore him and go on your way at farming and laning. But the second you die, no matter what, whether it was a great gank by the opposite team or dumb dumb bailing on you you will get the same message no matter what. "report (name here) for being so noob!". Great. Now you are getting reported for essentially playing the game the way it should be. And the only reason you have kept your mouth shut is cause the now fed enemy team is pushing right to your base and doing it at record speeds. You and the other 3 team mates try to stop them but its 4v5 and you really can't do anything. Where's dumb dumb right? Well of course he is sitting at fountain while spouting his mouth off on how noob you are literally letting the team win. By now the other team is super fed, they have all the items they need, they are pushing towers every couple minutes and are knocking on the doorstep. Game over for your team. Luckily everyone stayed in the game and it actually counted towards something. Now you might be thinking "well at least the other team had a great game, it can't all be that bad". Well yes that is a good point. Everyone on the other team was having a great game. New personal highs for last hits, kills and kill assists along with very low deaths. Everyone on that team is riding the DOTA high! Except one thing. DOTA will take that all away from you. Please re-read this whole thing. Cause it's a vicious circle that never ends. Every time you think you are going to finally get a good grip on the game and get good team mates, it gets turned to shit. Either in the current game or within 2 matches. So like i said this game is great....if you're riding the DOTA high. But if you aren't it sucks. It's quite possibly the most frustrating game in the history of history. It just gets under your skin the the worst ways. On top of all the bullshit you have to deal with it likes to randomly crash picking the best spots to do so. Not when the game is over, or when you are just waiting for a match, but when you go to load up into a match or when you hit the accept button or, my favorite, when you are mid team fight. Oh. That one is great. And believe me it's nothing to do with my computer, it happens to everyone. Now all the shit I just talked about DOTA 2 is essentially real. I didn't make this up. But there is a way around it. And honestly the only way is to play with 4 of your friends. 4 people who you know understand the concepts and will actually communicate what they are doing in game. Now you will still come across better teams and you will lose. But it is way better losing with people you know rather than dumb dumb. Or even worse 4 dumb dumbs. Actually all this shit talk makes me want to play DOTA 2. Shit. Like real bad. Well I'm going to finish this recommendation and go play. So basically what I'm saying is don't play DOTA 2 unless you want to be addicted to it and get really upset and pissed off but not be able to stop playing for long periods of time. **** you DOTA 2, I love you, eat shit.
#2 Posted by SKaREO (3161 posts) -
It takes all the best things about Warcraft III and makes it worse. I enjoy the art a lot, but the game is awful.
#3 Posted by RockZillaX (95 posts) -

Brilliant review there mate.. I totally agree.. Its a waste of a great IP.. 

#4 Posted by Jbest10 (2 posts) -
#5 Posted by mertol871 (15 posts) -

The devs are butthurt little retards so matchmaking and reporting systems are piece of shit ofc.

#6 Posted by AktionJakson (337 posts) -

Anyone who bashes the game instead of saying "it's not for me" is basically a scrub and/or insecure. haha

#7 Posted by xVxDread (1 posts) -
What a load of BS... The part about not being able to quit the game is nonsense if you are in a team of 5. If 5 members leave for a total of 30 seconds. The game is score as a winner for the team remaining in the game. The only people who stick around in games that are already lost are either scoring it off as a loss and getting some practice on that hero, attempting a comeback or are pubtards that don't trust the others to disconnect with them. Yes DOTA is frustrating if you're matched with terrible people, but the ingame chat system is great, you join one of the populated training channels "Purgegamers" and "Blitzdota" are 2 very popular channels. That have 5 stacks forming for every continent all the time. That way you can team up with people who are relatively decent. Since they are in those channels it's fair to assume they've watched a couple of videos from those content providers and will perform above average. Also once you have some friends you can start forming your own 5 stacks. Every other criticism can be made of every other DOTA-Clone, like HON and LOL. And as for the Report system, it's much better than leaving it in the hands of a egomaniac like pendragon... who if I remember right, once banned a guy for randoming a champ. Which would piss me off a hell of a lot more in a game like LOL where I'd literally not be able to play my content. Where as with DOTA, I can jump on another steam account in minutes and play the exact game. With all my characters. DOTA is seriously like the Heroine of online gaming. I've knocked away just shy of 2k hours in game in about 6 months. It's a game that gets into your veins. I am so addicted to it that when I'm sitting in bed. I pop out my tablet and jump onto a site that hosts a VOD section. So I can track the Pro scene. One other thing that DOTA provides is the option to download all your games for reviewing later. So you can relish your wonderful victories, and wallow in your own pitty when you see your horrible plays. Something I am considering doing is uploading some of my content, see if I can get some of the more talented members of the community to give it a look over and tell me where I'm going wrong... I will of course have to filter out about 99% of the bullshit answers the community would give because they would just be shite!
#8 Posted by Gankstar_VX84 (39 posts) -
I'll stick to BF3 then, lol. I downloaded this, played the 1st tutorial and it bored me to tears so i turned it off, then did the 2nd tutorial the next day, and wanted to claw out my eyes half way through the spectator tutorial, guess I'll wait for bf4, or amnesia amfp if it comes out any time soon :/
#9 Posted by matt_kirsche (10 posts) -
If you're God's gift to Dota how come you don't pair with your friends you surely must've met during the countless hours of victory after victory? In all honesty you sound like the prototype wannabe pro that complains about new players sucking all the time while basking in his own uber-gloryness (is that word? ^^).
#10 Posted by qead (1053 posts) -

This review is awesome.. why do I like this game so much? Am I one of those people that enjoys abuse?