The ultimate in abysmal shooters.

User Rating: 1.5 | Crossman Extreme Paintbrawl 2 PC
With the box touting the game as a "non-violent shooter", I guess you could expect something different from this one. Well, there's definitely something about it.

Technically, Quake II and Turok make this game look like Extreme Paintbrawl 2 came 5 years before those. I would not be surprised to see this done on a Super Nintendo. The only thing visually decent about this at all might be the textures are okay at best. The majority of the 3D objects are practically decorated boxes, and what isn't is still extremely basic. And why can you only use up to 800x600? (Not that it looks nicer with a change of resolution anyways...)

Animation is simply awful. The first you'll notice is the two-frame gun bob. Maybe not so bad if it wasn't so ugly, though this "animation" is basically the exact same sprite moving up or down a row of pixels or so. Not very impressive, is it? When you're hit, it's supposed to look like you're falling to the ground. I don't recall people dying in paintball. Even odder is that shooting someone else causes them to raise their arms, and you're the only one who seems to fall to the ground. (Though once you take over another player, your previous body is seen standing with raised arms like everyone else.)

Paintball itself somewhat simulates war, though if Extreme Paintbrawl 2 was a war, then I guess no one would win. The "artificial intelligence" is hardly even existent (at best). Before each match, you select an A.I. command for each of your guys. "Defend" is absolutely useless, as no enemies will ever cross their path anyways. "Assault" is also fairly worthless, given that they'll find some wall to run into and keep running into it the rest of the round. "Follow" is the only decent option, though they'll still make their way to a wall sometimes. If you go down the first time (as Team Leader), everyone changes to Assault and you can be assured that you're on your own. The opponents are assigned positions to sit in, so at least they aren't [always] running into walls. I can assume that bot paths weren't even on the list in developing this, though. Opponents and teammates both will abruptly turn in any given direction constantly unless prepared to fire a shot, though I guess the animators can take some blame for this as well.

No crosshair is even present, and that's bad considering what this game tries to do for realism. Shots are very slow moving and from afar, you'll have plenty of time to dodge the shot. (About the same as dodging actual gunfire.) Sometimes, it seems so slow you'd think it was some Matrix thing going on. If you do want a general idea of where your shot might just go, you can use laser sights. In game, this is absolutely nothing more than a red dot in the center of the screen, though it does a little bit to help. We all know paintballs won't always travel in a perfect line, nor do they make curves of up to 90 degree angles. You're lucky to pull off a straight shot. Many times it's necessary to get awful close to your enemy to [maybe] ensure a hit.

Level design is completely unimaginative. You have 6 different maps, including an area of office cubes, a parking structure (yes, a road that simply spirals its way down), and a refinery. Sound exciting yet? They could've even been decent places for some fantasy match, though they're the most generic and nondescript places you'll ever walk through in a video game. (Not too adrenaline pumping.)

Anything outside of the game? Well, after each match you can earn money which means absolutely nothing given that everything is already available. You can suit everyone up from their crappy equipment to more crappy equipment that won't do you a sliver of good. Do you really think these A.I. programmers would've made camouflage useful if they couldn't even make your teammates useful? You can literally load up with 500 paintballs for each player given the inventory. (Maybe necessary for the bots.)

I know I probably missed another laughably bad point about this game, though I have to move on to the sound. Sound effects are completely muffled and low-grade (fits perfectly), whether it be firing from the marker or a guy after managing to hit him. Maybe some variety would be nice though, like different groans and noises and such, yet it didn't really matter to me anymore by that point. The menu music needs some adjustment. There's overly loud booms and screeches that make it an annoyance in itself. The in-game music you may or may not hear, depending on how the game likes your hardware. To be honest, I liked it better on the system where I couldn't hear the music.

This game does also crash frequently on newer systems, whether that be for your own good or not, though you get the picture. Extreme Paintbrawl 2 was a game that probably barely made it into the Alpha stage of development as it is just that atrociously bad and a chore to actually try to play. To keep it simple, you've probably never heard of it for a reason.