Overdosing on loot and Somas (Cruz)
This is what I can tell you with some certainty. It's a Castlevania game that reuses all of its visual assets from Symphony of the Night and its Game Boy Advance/Nintendo DS offspring. The problem with that approach is that all of those games already had a problem of reusing assets within each other, making Harmony of Despair some kind of inbred child born in a part of Japan existing below the Mason-Dixon line. You can elect to play as Alucard or any of the characters from the DS games, with all of them succeeding at being very androgynous and not having the last name "Belmont." They each have their perks that are semi unique to their native games, but all share the same affection for swords and weapons that slap-chop the undead.
I can tell you that Harmony of Despair has no storyline, which is a freaking godsend. All of these Castlevania games have horrible, overwrought anime-esque plots, and it's nice to see this game take the simple approach of "here's something evil, please knock it's smile off its face." There are six stages, each has a boss of varying ugliness. The levels are really sizable in length, which would normally inspire the intrepid Metroidvanian explorer to venture forth in hunt of treasure. Except there's an inexplicable 30 minute time limit per level. Why? Is that the period of time before Dracula leaves for his pedicure? I can't understand the rhyme or reason for this time limit business. People playing single player may want to peruse the levels at their pace. People playing multiplayer will breeze through each level faster than a washroom break, the kind of washroom break where you realize "Alucard" is "Dracula" spelt backwards. And the time limit doesn't stop when you pause the game or manage your inventory, even when you are going solo. A strange game indeed.
As mentioned, this is meant to be a multiplayer game. Up to six players can collaborate on a mixtape of death-dealing in any given level. Even if the online settings are a bit of a joke; I an unable to use the "Quick Match" option for the game searches for players in your country only. And Canada hates Castlevania, Canada likes manly things like Mixed Martial Arts and Slap Shot. Just as bizarre, the "Custom Match" option only has one option, letting players elect to only search for games in their country or worldwide. A bizarre game, this is.
And granted, you could just work through each level on your own. But the path to the boss will always be the longest, and those bosses seem to have really large health bars. With several players working together, you can access shortcuts activated via contrived switch-flipping, and take down those larger bosses with relative ease. Hell, I've been in games where bosses were damned to the great beyond without me ever laying so much as an exhaled breath on them in person. I almost feel like a full six-player game is too easy; I once reached the Count Dracula in about half an hour, and stuck a stake in his heart within the span of 2 minutes.
You can, at any point, zoom the map out and see all of the activity happening on the level. There is some kind of unusual novelty to this, if just because it halfway justifies the reusing of nasty Nintendo DS sprites. It also lets you track the progress of your teammates. Speaking of things that suck like Dracula, those giant block indicators that point in the direction of your teammates occupy way too much screen space. The visual cue telling me where the four other Alucards on the map often get in the way of the enemy skull monsters I'm trying to whip fireballs at. The game does manage to find some novel uses for the large overworld, the kind of pseudo-logic that only makes sense in 2-dimensional side scrollers. One boss will discharge vomit-lasers across large portions of the screen in the face of someone's poor Alucard. Another boss is so danged tall that you need the wide-view just to glimpse at his thighs.
But at the same time, there comes a point where a man sits and asks himself, "why?" Like "why am I replaying these same six levels repeatedly", or "why do I allow myself to play as this excessively feminine man?" Leveling up might be a good reason, except it really isn't. Your character doesn't level up, though certain attacks do become more powerful with repeated use. Rather, you enhance your character via the stat-boosting equipment you acquire.
Except your character sprites don't wear the equipment you pick up. So the hot chance you have to show off your gear to the world will not present itself. Worse, most of the equipment you pick up is worthless, repeating junk. Someone needs to sweep Dracula's castle and donate to Goodwill all of the loose coats, capes and corsages lying around. Better the homeless have them than my wealthy looking androgynous sprite. If Harmony of Despair was meant to be a Diablo-like loot quest, it closer resembles a spreadsheet charting a recycling plant.
I almost feel like there is a good idea somewhere within Harmony of Despair. I would like to see a sidescrollers whose co-operative focus reaches beyond the dick-around-fest seen in New Super Mario Bros or LittleBigPlanet. But there isn't much of anything in this game that'll maintain your interest longer than an hour or so. Revisit any of the DS Castlevania games, or go online and buy Symphony of the Night or Shadow Complex or the Wii's port of Super Metroid. Maybe someone out there likes the idea of having a Castlevania game that they can enjoy with their friends. I am not one of those people. I don't want any of my friends knowing I played a game starring Soma Cruz.
2 stars