A cute little jumpy car what causes wrecks and kills people.
What we need to do is grab the big auto execs, sit 'em down in a room, pull out an old NES, and make 'em play Bump 'n' Jump. When we turn on the game, the flashing start screen will either open up their eyes to endless possibilities....or it will give them a seizure and they will die. Either way, I'm happy.
As they play through the game, someone should be there to tell them "This is how you make a car you rich pompous jerk! See how it's nice and small and cute? See how it can maneuver? See how you can jump over traffic and obstacles with the greatest of ease?"
And they will understand. They have to understand. As they play through the game they'll instantly see what their cars have been missing. They'll see first hand what a pain it is to actually drive in traffic...and they'll see the solution. Jumping over other cars...or even better..jumping ON cars and smashing them in a fiery explosion!
They'll also see how easy it is to jump over roadblocks, houses, even bodies of water! Nothing is impossible with jumpy cars! Though there are really only a few levels (that are repeated later...just harder), the auto execs will instantly see how wrong they've been and will get quick to work on making everyone's life easier with jumpy cars.
And then we'll bring the big stupid oil execs in. We'll sit them down, and they'll play Bump 'n' Jump. And then they'll see how wrong they've been. They'll realize that they shouldn't be making people stop at gas stations for gas....they'll just leave them in the middle of the road and you can drive right over it and pick up your gas. People will never have to stop! And the execs will be even richer! Hooray for Evil!
And then we'll bring in the waste management execs. And they will play Bump 'n' Jump. And we'll show them that you don't collect garbage and go throw it in a dump....you collect garbage and then just dump it in the middle of the road...right in front of cars going over 200 miles per hour! But it's okay! Because people will be able to jump over it in their new jumpy cars! While listening to some of the most catchy video game music you'll ever hear! Huzzah! It will be a new Utopia!!!
Hail jumpy cars!
Hail Bump 'n' Jump!
And hail me!