Batman goes on firearm fueled rampage, hundreds dead.
Criminals in Gotham have yet another reason to fear the night. Apparently the Batman, the well-known symbol of hope and resilience against Gotham's criminal underground has given up his previous method of using kung fu and boomerangs to beat villains unconscious and has now moved onto more traditional methods of murder.
According to a police report released early Tuesday morning, the Batman cut a swath of destruction and death through the streets of Gotham. The bodies of henchmen, both human and robot, of the joker were found covered in the rubble of blocks batman had destroyed in order to, according to an eyewitness, "get some powerups."
The gazette was able to interview a few surviving henchmen before they were taken into police custody.
"I've fought the batman before" said Smilein' Willie, "but usually he would just punch and kick, the whole gun thing was a new one on me."
According to Rosie Cheeks Greg "It was all like some bad Mega Man game. Batman jumped around and blasted us. let me tell you, there are few things scarier than facing down a bullet that's bigger than your head."
Ecstatic Earl only had this to say "I can't believe our scrolling-screen level didn't get him!"
What could have caused this sudden shift in the Caped Crusader's crime fighting methodology?
According to renown psychiatrist Doug Nasbaum:
"Batman's newfound use of firearms may result from a deep-seated feeling of inadequacy that the complexity of his abilities simply would not work on the Game Boy."
Another, more likely theory is that this behavior is a result of a lazy movie-tie- in game that sacrifices a core component of the character in order to fit a certain game design to at least hit the minimum level of being decently fun.
However, In this reporter's humble opinion: if you're going to make a shooter, it probably shouldn't star Batman.
Important bonus fact: If you're going to make a Batman game, it probably shouldn't be a shooter.