Human remains found on Tom Nook's pig farm

APRIL FOOL'S DAY: Authorities believe bones, torn clothes strewn around property of loan shark raccoon belonged to dozens of rival moneylenders.

by

Gaze into the face of evil.

ANIMAL CROSSING--Local general-store proprietor Tom Nook is in police custody after the discovery of human remains on his pig farm. In a predawn raid to serve a search warrant on unrelated money-laundering charges, authorities were horrified to discover several pigs gnawing on a human torso.

Though primarily known as a shopkeep, Nook had a very lucrative loan-sharking business on the side, authorities said. The raccoon had a penchant for luring out-of-towners and forcing them to take on large amounts of debt in exchange for Section 8-qualifying housing. The remains found on the farm are believed to be a number of business associates who had gone missing in recent months.

One customer of Nook's, who wished to remain anonymous for fear of retribution, said that the store owner had been acting stressed as of late. Recently introduced public transportation to the nearby city has siphoned off some of his customer base. Prior to the transit system, Nook had a virtual monopoly on the town, which he flexed with huge markups on life-saving prescription drugs and baby formula.

Baarbara greets neighbors outside the police barricade surrounding the Nook Farm.

The arrest came as a shock to many of the town's residents, who described the raccoon as a gregarious sort.

"He was the head of our welcoming committee and always had a cheerful thing to say," according to Animal Crossing resident Baarbara. "He was my N****."

The above story is (obviously) fictitious, and was written as part of GameSpot's annual April Fool's Day celebrations. Its content is purely satirical and comedic, and is not intended to be interpreted as an assertion of fact. It also does not reflect the actual views of GameSpot or its parent company, CBS Interactive.

Discussion

162 comments
gbrading
gbrading moderator

Still the best. :D

RaaaJon
RaaaJon

hahahaha gotta love this.

ArielAguayo
ArielAguayo

"The N-Word" is a reference to another article about games given out by Nintendo that had it. haha ^_~

melvin-fett
melvin-fett

im scared of nook and i dont think that i sould shop there or i might become one of those bodies

mAD_ADaption
mAD_ADaption

So this is why there are no humans in animal crossing.

Vash67
Vash67

If you guys want a really crazy Animal Crossing story with Tom Nook, look up "The Terrible Secret of Animal Crossing."

bosox22293
bosox22293

its always the good people that fall to the darkside :|

Jedilink109
Jedilink109

I never thought Nook had it in him......*sigh*

bgres077
bgres077

Not the greatest but a good effort. Funny read still though.

TongLong
TongLong

AWESOME! I knew Boris and Rasher were more than just employees at Nookingtons!

riariases
riariases

Well considering I still owe him 150 000 bells, i'm not too upset about his sudden arrest. I just wonder how those bones really got there "whistles*.

wiiplay1
wiiplay1

The defendant, Tom Nook, charged with... *1 count of first-degree murder *500,000+ counts of fraud *One count of rape

tnfaith
tnfaith

So THAT'S where my sister went.. Good work, Nook, gotta bail you out of this one.

dwarfrogue
dwarfrogue

He always did seem a bit close when i was talking to him.........

starduke
starduke

I always knew that Nook was evil! Hahahah! Good one, Gamespot!

star77241
star77241

NO! This is my work... My art. You hear me? I want the credit I deserve.

skullboy950
skullboy950

Well, who didn't see this coming? Tom Nook has always been the crazy bastard doing this stuff.

tacoeater831
tacoeater831

I told all my friends, but they didnt believe me! i said my animal crossing files were being mysteriously deleted. They told me they did it as an april fools joke. But now i have evidence that tom nook has been stealing my characters! and using their remains, (after crazy redd makes paintings out of most of the body) as food for his pigs. Ha, so im NOT crazy.

im_really_rich
im_really_rich

That one was pretty good, probably the best April Fools Joke today for GS. I knew it was a joke, but it was still fun to read. Maybe thats's why this one was better than the other ones. Last paragraph is kinda dumb, but the rest is pretty good.

xRmRxfreakBOMB
xRmRxfreakBOMB

I wonder if they found the dead children in his freezer...

FelixBookworm
FelixBookworm

No! It can't be! I always trusted him! It's a good thing I haven't played Animal Crossing for a while. I might be dead right now.

gnbfd
gnbfd

""He was the head of our welcoming committee and always had a cheerful thing to say," according to Animal Crossing resident Baarbara. "He was my N****." " LMAO

pokey4him
pokey4him

hahahaha i knew it!! darn you nook!! darn you to heck!! hahahaa

BenBenBen93
BenBenBen93

i can only imagine what Mario has in his closet if this is capable of this abomination

EyeWierd20
EyeWierd20

Wow, I thought Nook was just stingy and cheap, but a murderer? Now we're talkin!

ehsan8888
ehsan8888

The person you least suspect.....

MuscleCarMan
MuscleCarMan

i always wondered what would happen if you didnt pay him back. Its a good thing i did. But i feel ya Baarbara.

qweasd54
qweasd54

rofl "Gaze into the face of evil!" wow lmao that had me rolling xD good one keep em coming! *its only once a year of course*

SoNin360
SoNin360

wow, wierd, nice though.. whoever created this

Chaz456
Chaz456

HAHAHAHAHAHA absolutely brilliant whoever thought of this should write stories for theonion or cracked.com.

penpusher
penpusher

funny :p always thought there was sumin wrong with nook

FirebrandX2
FirebrandX2

So, he does punish you for not paying the mortgage...