Destroy All Humans! Crypto's Marching Orders

The relationship between aliens from another world and the residents of the third planet from the sun (y'know, Earth) has historically been a hit-and-miss affair. This has never been more true than during the 1950s, when the Cold War had paranoia ramped up to epic proportions. Even in a perfect world, this would not have been the best time for an alien to pop down for a visit to collect brain stems and cause mayhem. But if not doing so causes the extinction of your race, well, there's not much of a choice, is there? Such is the dilemma faced by one Cryptosporidium 137, a member of the alien Furon race who is charged with saving his people's mighty empire from extinction. Though the Furons have conquered the galaxy, their predilection for using weaponry that relies on unregulated atomic energy has left them as sterile and barren as a desert, which in charitable terms means the males are firing blanks.

While this may all sound dire, it's not as bad as it sounds, thanks to some proactive thinking by Crypto's ancestors. Once it was discovered that the Furon practice of cloning each other would lead to degradation of each successive generation of clones (which would result in the end of the Furon people), action was taken. As luck would have it, a Furon ship happened on Earth just as life began to develop, and while specific details are scarce, the ship's crew did something to ensure that every man and woman on Earth would unknowingly contain fresh Furon DNA.

Unfortunately, collecting this Furon DNA will require more than simply going door to door asking for donations. As advanced as Furon technology is, there appears to be no improvement on the old-fashioned practice of manually removing brain stems. Given the fuss this is likely to cause among the locals, and Crypto's relative lack of experience with the Earth's native species, he'll have to learn on the job. Today we'll offer you a look at Crypto's introduction to his mission, complete with an inspirational speech from his superior, as he sets out to save his people...