Colonial Marines storm Sega HQ

APRIL FOOL'S DAY: <i>Aliens</i> game license retaken by force during predawn dropship assault from <i>USS Sulaco</i>, six hedgehogs perish in firefight; Weyland-Yutani Corp. resumes ownership of IP.

by

TOKYO--This morning, residents of the Ota district of Tokyo awoke to the sounds of aerial bombardment and pulse-rifle fire. The noise was caused by a predawn assault by United States Colonial Marines on the headquarters of Sega Corp., the publisher and current holder of the game rights to Aliens. The mission's objective was to retake the game license by force and was sanctioned by the Extrasolar Colonization Administration (ECA).

Photo recovered from a camera found on the floor of Sega HQ.

The ECA approved the assault after years of frustration with Sega's handling of the Aliens IP. In late 2006, the Japanese publisher loudly announced its acquisition of the coveted sci-fi license. Then, it commissioned two of the US' top independent developers--Gearbox Software and Obsidian Entertainment--to make a shooter and a role-playing game based on the classic 1986 film. Last month, though, word emerged that Sega had canceled the Obsidian RPG, and the publisher still refuses to clarify the status of the Gearbox project.

"They had the license for more than two years and we saw virtually nothing," said USCM Staff Sgt. Al Apone, leader of this morning's assault. "Now, the Obsidian RPG is KIA, the Gearbox game is MIA, and they're developing an Aliens vs. Predators game? That was the last straw. You can only tell people every meal is a banquet and every formation is a parade for so long..."

The USCM attack began at approximately 4 a.m. Tokyo Time, when two dropships launched from the colonial starship USS Sulaco, currently in low Earth orbit. After a rapid descent, the ships deployed a pair of Armored Personnel Carriers (APCs) before taking out Sega HQ's air defenses and surface-to-surface missile batteries.

After some initial confusion on the part of the force's commanding officer, Lt. William Gorman, the two APCs crashed through the heavily armored front gates of Sega's HQ. The USCM platoon quickly overwhelmed the company's security forces after a brief firefight that left 12 employees and six hedgehogs dead. Approximately 10 executives in charge of the license were taken into custody.

An unidentified Marine guards prisoners awaiting transport to Weyland-Yutani's bioweapons facility.

As for the Aliens IP, which was recovered from an underground vault, it will revert to control of its original owner, the Weyland-Yutani Corporation. The multiplanet conglomerate--which focuses primarily on space freight, terraforming, and black-ops military technology--is currently looking for a new publisher for the Aliens games.

"We will have more news to share about our Aliens franchise games in the near future," said Weyland-Yutani director of marketing Carter Burke in a statement. "Please stay tuned for future correspondence regarding our products."

Weyland-Yutani reps also confirmed that it will house those captured in this morning's operation on its bioweapons vessel the USM Auriga until they are questioned and processed.

The above story is (obviously) fictitious, and was written as part of GameSpot's annual April Fool's Day celebrations. Its content is purely satirical and comedic, and is not intended to be interpreted as an assertion of fact. It also does not reflect the actual views of GameSpot or its parent company, CBS Interactive.

Discussion

187 comments
Shaker59
Shaker59

they shoud have asked Havok to make it there awesome ;)

Inflamed-snake
Inflamed-snake

Opps... we had a pair of students studying film in Australia and they were filming a fake Robbery in there apartment with the black hoods and all, the public saw them and called the cops and the got charged with weapons offenses and disturbing the peace. you guys are lucky no-one saw you.

gamerkiduri
gamerkiduri

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Y ARE SEGA MAKIN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!SEGA IS THE WORST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I TRUSTED THEM WID INCREDIBLE HULK BUT THEY RUINED IT , THEY RUINED IRON MAN , NOW A V P, Y CNT EA OR SUMTHIN MAKE AVP INSTEAD!!!!!!!!!!!1

CreatureRising
CreatureRising

There going to throw Fuel on the fire i know it soon!

Headcrab_Lord
Headcrab_Lord

Element, that was an entirely different project being done by EA. This project being done by Gearbox is entirely new and separate from the previous project. I share your pain though, they need to at least enlighten us on its status.

advanracer
advanracer

[This message was deleted at the request of a moderator or administrator]

ElementalSoljer
ElementalSoljer

Aliens: Colonial Marines is almost becoming Duke Nukem: forever. I rememeber seeing it all the way back at E3 '01. What the hell, give us a status update already SEGA!

Ripper_TV
Ripper_TV

Something remotely believable next time, please. :)

jagus12
jagus12

Well... At least there wont be any more crappy 3D Sonic games :D

thepyrethatburn
thepyrethatburn

How many gullible noobs does it take to understand an april fool's day joke? Obviously most of the people on this comment board. Wow people just wow. "An unidentified marine guards prisoners awaiting transport to weyland 's bioweapons facility" didnt give it away? I really hope you are kidding, and pretending to be gullible haha. They were just hoping that FINALLY Sonic would be taken out back and put down.

Gezquester
Gezquester

Oh my god! My cousin was there! She texted me saying she was hiding in a cupboard, come to think about it, I havent heard from her since, shes probably still in the cupboard. I better text her and let her know its all over. LOL! Real news, starting tomorrow yeah Gamespot?

Dawg9000
Dawg9000

ROFL!!!! At least take the effort to not use guns from Gears of War.

Mr_Parkers
Mr_Parkers

Well, at least no more 3D Sonic.

PuhJesus
PuhJesus

Hmm.. You know, that's not even a pulse rifle.. That's the Lancer from gears.. they could have atleast gotten legit ones from www.spatcave.com or something...

Ghost_Thumbs
Ghost_Thumbs

It would be funnier if they used real guns. Sega has had it's chance.

Tremblay343
Tremblay343

Tokyo looks suprisingly like San Fransisco =P. Who knew?

totaleklypse
totaleklypse

this one was better than the RE gag. sigh. but not much. i did crack a grin bout the hedgehogs though. poor lil turds

rikhan_z
rikhan_z

Serve Sega right... that for killing Sonic series. they should do the same with Koei and Dynasty Warriors.

P90E21
P90E21

If it were only real we could ask them to save sonic to. ^.^

halokila
halokila

how many bad april fools jokes are they gonna make?

treksterjsc
treksterjsc

I hope that GEARBOX and SEGA get the hell out of dodge, they need to give this license to a Publisher and Developer that will actually do something. Gearbox, they are TOTALLY USELESS, and if you ask them what the hell is going on, or say anything other than a praise or something to kiss there butt you get banned from there LOSER forums. I really hope this game happens but I even moreso hope that it is not gearbox at the reigns.

hillelslovak
hillelslovak

Finally, someone came to save the Alien franchise. If only they could have gone back in time and prevented Alien Resurrection....

MuscleCarMan
MuscleCarMan

they should have saved the sonic license while they were at it.

qweasd54
qweasd54

LOL funny post ... somebody must stop those marines OH NOEZ xD lol *calls Godzilla*

SocialAnXieTy
SocialAnXieTy

The Colonial Marines aren't gay enough to use Lancers. Sorry Gamespot, I've figured you out.

Eman2t3
Eman2t3

Wow, did anyone die. LOL This is a great joke post!

Laza-rus
Laza-rus

That's freakin' hysterical - be even funnier if we could see the first new screenshot in over a year.

ivory_soul
ivory_soul

Ok...this was lame found joke #4 on GS...I think they're running out of ideas.

GodsPoison
GodsPoison

meh, april fools is only good if its funny......sadly this aint.

digi_matrix
digi_matrix

Excellent writing to a joke article, made me believe it if there were no pics! :lol:

colinisawesome
colinisawesome

i enjoy the yearly april fools joke :) its a nice present on a kinda boring holiday

Dea7htrap-101
Dea7htrap-101

How many gullible noobs does it take to understand an april fool's day joke? Obviously most of the people on this comment board. Wow people just wow. "An unidentified marine guards prisoners awaiting transport to weyland 's bioweapons facility" didnt give it away? I really hope you are kidding, and pretending to be gullible haha.

perfect_chao
perfect_chao

id be happy if colonial marines was like L4D nice multiplayer for PC

SevenOfEleven
SevenOfEleven

I would not mind playing another Aliens based shooter and RPG. Bring it on! Maybe we can get a worthy sequel to Xcom too or maybe thats too close to sci fi.

AtlasXII
AtlasXII

Colonial Marines wearing German Bundeswehr Flecktarn uniforms and wielding Lancers storm Sega's headquarters. These are strange times indeed.

acerx7
acerx7

They should've stormed EA HQ to get the guns they promised us for Battlefield: Bad Company...but Sega is a good start. Ooooh maybe they'll go to other companies to get our money back for bogus DLC. Go marines...stupid companies. :)

kilcoyne
kilcoyne

hmmmm interesting news this is................ :P

crazyleftykid
crazyleftykid

haha. thats funny. sega deserves it.... recently sega has messed up stormrise, and now their getting the punishment they deserve. CHAINSAW THEIR HEADS OFF I SAY!!!!!!!

kavadias1981
kavadias1981

Those marines have done us all a big favour!......

nate_c-12
nate_c-12

Lol. How many jokes is this?

Shadow_Fire41
Shadow_Fire41

marines with lancers attacking Sega for not doing anything with their lincense to a great series? ..................if only it were true and not a joke.

lamprey263
lamprey263

lol, they're using GoW Lancers way to make a statement though, I hope Sega has to respond to this

steve04
steve04

Thats hilarious! Wow awesome job with this one and the Resident Evil one Gamespot. Its true that Aliens: Colonial Marines is MIA and SEGA deserves a wake up slap on the face. lol

vaejas
vaejas

The torror... the torror!!!!

fourthgeartappe
fourthgeartappe

About friggin time they got their license back. lol. Happy April Fools

LindBergh2007
LindBergh2007

That was a good one GS! Thank God the "RingEdge" and "RingWide" boards haven't been ruled out as a console soon.